Some Reasons Men Won't Commit

男人不愿承诺背后的原因

Ladies, I am sure many of you have had that man in your life who just could not commit to you. No matter what you said or did, he just seems to drag his feet. Yes, sometimes it really is hard for men to commit to a relationship and I am sure that leaves many women wondering why.
女生们，我确信你们中的大多数人生命中都有那么个不愿承诺的男人。不论你说什么、做什么，他总是推三阻四不愿承诺。是的，有时候要让男人对一段关系作出承诺就是这么艰难。相信许多人都不明白此中缘由。

Was it you? Was it him? Did you smother him? Were you bossy? Did you nag too much?

是你的原因吗？还是他的原因？你们的关系让他感到窒息吗？还是你太专横了？或是你太唠叨了？

What was the reason behind his inability to commit? Men claim that women are the ones who are complicated and unpredictable but in reality, men can be just as complicated and unpredictable as women. The truth is that there could be a number of reasons why men can't or won't commit to a long term relationship. Sometimes it's the woman and sometimes it's the man.

他无力做出承诺背后的原因究竟是什么？男人们总说“女人心，海底针”，还难以捉摸，但在现实中，男人的城府和难以捉摸的程度远不输女人。事实上有很多原因可以解释为什么男人不能、也不会向一段长期的关系作出承诺。这既可能归咎于女人，也可能归咎于男人。

Why?

为什么？

I am confident in saying that every woman has asked themselves this question at some point in their life. Why won't he commit? Why can't I find the man for me? Why is finding love so hard? These are very common questions and many women feel that there are no answers or they are not satisfied with the answers they have heard. I have heard many women claim that men are just "mean" or "jerks" and that is why they will not commit. In reality, there are many reasons why men do not commit that women cannot see or realize.

我敢肯定地说每个女人都在人生的某段时间问过自己这个问题。为什么他不肯承诺？为什么我不能找到我的那个他？为什么爱情让人如此辛苦？这些是非常常见的问题，许多女人认为这些问题是无解的，也或是她们不愿相信他们所听到的答案。我听到许多女人都用男人"卑鄙"或"混蛋"来解释为什么他们不愿承诺。在现实生活中，有许许多多女人们不曾留意的原因导致了男人的不承诺。

Men are scared.

男人们被吓住了。

I have known many women who feel that men have no fear in relationships by putting themselves out there. It is very common for women to assume that men are not intimidated by women or scared about getting their heart broken. These assumptions are false.

许多女人总因为男人们在一段关系当中更加主动就认为他们无所畏惧。许多女人都默认男人们不会被女人威慑住或是害怕被伤害。这些默认都是错的。

Men do have feelings and many men are afraid of getting hurt, even though they may act fearless. Every heart is fragile; both men and women's. If a man feels that he has a chance of being significantly hurt in the relationship, it can drive him to leave because of the fear he feels. It can cause him to hold back from commitment. Men tend to avoid talking about their feelings and this is the reason behind the assumptions that they have no feelings. Men do get scared and thus should be treated with love and affection.

男人也有情感，有的男人也怕受到伤害，尽管他们总是一副无所畏惧的表情。每颗心都是脆弱的，这对男女都适用。如果一个男人在一段关系中感到他可能被深深地伤害，他可能会因他觉察到的害怕而离开。这也会导致他不承诺。男人们总是对谈论他们的感觉退避三舍，这导致了他们被默认为麻木没有情意：男人们不会害怕，所以也不应该以爱和情感来回应。

Clingy.

太粘人。

Women can sometimes get a bad reputation for being needy and/or clingy. This is a very common reason why men will not commit to you. From my personal experience, being needy in a relationship only brings pain and heartache. I have been very clingy and needy in my past relationships which drove a wedge in between my partner and I. I felt the need to be with him at all times and wanted him to feel the same way. He didn't. In healthy relationships, you cannot expect to be attached by the hip at all times. By you acting on the feeling of needing to be with your man at all times, it may slowly drive him away.

女人们可能会因要求多或是粘人而带来坏名声。这是男人不承诺的一个很常见的原因。从我个人经验看来。在一段关系中提过多要求只会带来痛苦和无尽的头疼。我曾在过去的关系中非常粘人，要求也很多，最后导致了我们的关系出现裂痕。当时我总想寸步不离地和他在一起并且希望他也愿意这样。但他没有。在一段健康的关系中，你不能指望你们总是形影不离。你这种需要他时时在身边的行为只会渐渐让他退避三舍。

Most men desire and need time with their friends without you. Guys want to have a social life and a once-in-a-while a boy's night. If he feels that you will be upset if he goes out with his friends, he will feel bad all night long. He will not be able to enjoy himself and this can make him rethink his relationship status. Let your man have time with his beloved friends!

许多男人需要和他们的朋友共处的时间。男人们想要他们的社交生活和隔三差五一次的男孩之夜。如果他知道他与朋友独自外出会让你感到失落，他整晚都不会有好心情。他不会有机会好好享受，这会导致他重新思考你们的关系。给你的男友一些时间，让他与他亲爱的朋友们在一起吧。

Be mysterious.

It is important for a relationship to have some mystery to keep the element of surprise present. If you are too predictable, your man can get bored easily. If he knows every word you are going to say before you say it or know every action you are going to take before you take it, you could be too predictable. Remember that men love to be surprised by you and being mysterious can keep him to stay intrigued.

保持神秘感。

保持一定的神秘感、时不时带来一些惊喜对于一段关系来说很重要。如果你总是一成不变，你男友可能容易感到无聊。如果他能预见每一句她将要说的话和每一个你要做的行动，那么你可能真的太墨守陈规了。记住男人们总是喜欢你带来惊喜，所以有一点神秘感会让他被你死死迷住。

Be a woman.

In society today, men and women are mainly considered equal. Women can do anything men can do, right? Wrong. Women need to be women. If you are too competitive or too masculine, men can lose interest fast. Men typically want a woman who is loving, caring, and feminine. The last thing a man wants in a relationship is to feel like he is dating another man. You must remember your feminine roots and channel your feminine energies to help and guide you to be a woman.

有点女人味。

而今的社会，男女之间首要考虑的是平等。男人们能做的一切女人们也能做到，是吗？错！女人就是女人。如果你太好胜、太男性化，男人们很快就失去兴趣了。男人们尤其想要钟情、有爱心和有女人味的女人。一段关系中男人最讨厌的就是让他感觉他在和另一个男人约会。你必须记住你骨子里是个女人，并且调动你所有女人的能量来帮助和引导你做一个真正的女人。

It is important to take good care of yourself, as well. Men want a woman who cares about herself and can show it. This can be opposite of clinginess and neediness. If you show your man that you are capable of taking care of yourself, it can show him that you are ready for a long term commitment and not only looking for love as something fun for the moment.

当然，照顾好你自己也同样重要。男人们喜欢能够照顾自己并且把这个优点表现出来的女人。这应该就是粘人和需求过高的对立面。如果你在男人面前表现出你能很好地照顾自己，这也传达出为一个长期的承诺做好了准备，不会只把爱情当做一时找的乐子。

Communication.

If you feel that your man is not committing or does not seem interested in making a long term commitment, communicate with him about it. If you have questions, ask him. It is important to make sure you are both on the same page before diving in to any kind of relationship. Let him know that you are looking for a long term partner and are interested in committing to him. Give him a chance to communicate with you about his goals as well. The worst that can happen is he does not tell you what you want to hear and that simply means he is not the one for you. Communication can go a long way with your partner and I would highly recommend it.

沟通。

如果你感到你的男人不会做出承诺，似乎对于做出长期承诺也没什么兴趣， 也许该找他聊聊。如果你有疑问，直接问他。在投入到一段关系之前确定你们俩在同一个进度上是很重要的。让他知道你在找一个能够长期相守的伴侣并且也有兴趣做出承诺。给他和你沟通的机会，谈谈他的目标。最坏的情况就是你听不到你想听的内容，那很可能表他不是那个对的人。沟通总是让你和伴侣走的更远，我强烈推荐。

Some men are simply late bloomers. They want to commit, but they are not ready quite as quickly as women. They really take the whole shebang into consideration before thinking about tying the knot or making a long-term commitment. Try not to rush your man. Enjoy each day as it comes and let things progress nicely. If you get so caught up in committal issues, you might not be able to enjoy the relationship right now and that won’t do anyone any good.

有人就是简简单单地反应慢半拍。他们想要承诺，但不能像女人一样那么快做好准备。他们会先考虑事业，再考虑做出一个长期的承诺。尽量不要催促你的伴侣。自然而然地享受每一天，让事情顺其自然地发展。如果你因承诺这件事而如此困扰，你可能不能好好享受当下的幸福，那对任何人都不会有好处。