As a child I lived in a narrow house with five floors. Half my youth was spent running up and down the staircase and I have been a devoted stair-climber ever since.
孩提时代，我曾住在一栋五层楼高的狭窄楼房中。我的青春期有一半是在楼梯间里的上上下下中度过的，自那以来我就一直是一位忠实的爬楼梯人士。
The only place where I never take the stairs – unless I’m going only one floor – is in the office. You could say this is because I’m too busy climbing a virtual ladder to have any strength left for an actual one, but actually it is because the long hours sitting still in front of a screen sap my desire to expend any energy at all.
除非去的地方只有一层楼，否则我唯一从来不走楼梯的场所是在办公室。你可能会说，这是因为我忙着攀登职场的虚拟阶梯，没精力爬现实中的楼梯了。然而实际上这是因为屏幕前长时间的静坐，耗尽了我动用任何能量的欲望。
Yet a couple of weeks ago, encouraged by a friend, I started walking up the 80 stairs to the office canteen, making the journey several times a day in search of coffee, Maltesers and Diet Cokes.
然而几周前，在一位朋友的鼓励下，我开始爬80级楼梯去办公楼餐厅。我每天会这么爬几趟，去找点咖啡、麦提莎(Maltesers)巧克力和健怡可乐(Diet Cokes)之类的东西。
I have been rewarded for this in various ways. First, it is usually quicker: 55 seconds compared with about 70 in the lift, assuming a couple of stops on the way. Second, it leaves you feeling agreeably smug. Third, it is a less stressful way of having chance encounters with colleagues. In the lift you are forced into a strained exchange, while on the stairs you smile and keep moving. Most important of all, it drags you out of your torpor.
这么做在好几个方面对我大有裨益。首先，这通常要快一些：爬一趟要55秒，而坐电梯需要大约70秒——假定半路上会停几次的话。其次，这么做能令我体会到一种愉快的得意。第三，这是一种压力较小的偶遇同事的方式。在电梯里，一旦与同事相遇，你就不得不和他勉强交流几句，而在楼梯上你只需要微笑一下，而不必停下脚步。最重要的是，爬楼梯可以令你摆脱那种懒洋洋的状态。
Here, at last, is something that is good for you but that has none of the drawbacks of most healthy things. It doesn’t taste bad, or require special clothing; it isn’t inconvenient, expensive or boring; and it doesn’t require any skill or courage.
最后一点是，爬楼梯对你很有好处，却没有多数有益健康的事物具有的缺点。它没有难吃的味道，也不需要专门着装；它没有任何不便之处，也不花钱，又不无聊；而且它对技能和勇气都没有要求。
Yet despite these impressive advantages, stairs in offices are usually empty of walkers. Instead, they are mainly used as a hiding place, a corporate equivalent of going behind the bike shed, a place for phoning your bank, shouting at your builder or exchanging top-secret gossip.
然而，尽管爬楼梯有种种明显的好处，办公楼里的楼梯间却通常空无行人。相反，楼梯间主要被用做一种隐秘场所，白领们躲到楼梯间，就像中学生躲到自行车棚后面抽烟，楼梯间成了给银行打电话、朝装修工人大喊大叫、或交流顶级秘密八卦的绝佳场所。
Last week an initiative backed by the UK government was launched, designed to get everyone taking to the stairs. On its website are posters that can be downloaded telling staff how many calories they would burn if they avoided the lift, as well as a phone app that makes stair-climbing into a kind of computer game.
上星期，在英国政府的支持下，有人发起了一项运动，目的是让每个人都使用楼梯。该运动的网站上有各种可供下载的海报，它们告诉员工，如果他们不坐电梯的话，会燃烧多少卡路里的热量。另外，网站上还有一个手机应用，把爬楼梯做成了一种电脑游戏。
Even as an evangelical convert to office stair-walking, I’m not so sure. For a start the name – StepJockey – is all wrong. A jockey is someone who rides, while the point about a stair-walker is that they do not. And it is far too gimmicky for something as simple as getting from one floor to another in the way that God, surely, intended.
尽管我已回归办公室爬楼梯族，对该运动却心中存疑。首先，运动的名字“拾级骑师(StepJockey)”就完全不恰当。“骑师”是骑着马的，而对于爬楼梯的人来说，问题就在于他们可没有骑马。另外，以爬楼梯这种无疑十分天然的方式从一层到达另一层，是一种再简单不过的活动，冠以这种名称太过花哨。
Worse, the point about calories saved is hardly compelling. I climb four floors to the canteen (15 calories burned) in order to buy a latte (200 calories) and Maltesers (180 calories). The numbers are so depressing, it is best not to think of them at all. And as for an app that will gamify stair- climbing – I can’t imagine how that could ever catch on. (Though my record here is not perfect: the first time I saw a text message I thought that wouldn’t catch on, either.)
更糟的是，所谓烧掉多少卡路里的宣传没什么说服力。我爬了四层楼到餐厅，烧掉了15卡路里的热量，目的却是购买一杯200卡路里的拿铁咖啡和180卡路里的麦提莎巧克力。这些数字如此令人郁闷，所以最好是根本不要想它们。至于那个把爬楼梯变成游戏的应用，我无法想象它怎么可能流行起来。（不过我对预测流行趋势不太在行：当初第一次见到手机短信时，我也曾认为它流行不起来。）
More fundamentally, it is not clear that companies ought to be telling us how to get from one floor to another. I’m mildly opposed to my HR department becoming my nanny, though that is mainly because I don’t trust it to do the job well. If I thought it would be as good as Mary Poppins (who solved the stair problem by sliding up the banister) I would cheerfully give myself over. But as I don’t, I would rather look after myself.
更为根本的是，是否应由公司告诉我们如何上楼，还无定论。我有点反对人事部门当我的保姆，不过这主要是因为我不相信他们能当好保姆。如果我觉得他们能做得像玛丽?波平斯(Mary Poppins)那样好（她解决爬楼梯问题的方式是沿着扶手滑上去），我会很高兴地任由他们摆布。不过既然我没这么认为，我还是更愿意自己照顾自己。
However, last week I took it upon myself to play nanny to my colleagues and downloaded the posters and stuck them with Blu-Tack by every lift. I lay in wait as two young men read the poster – which claimed that seven times more calories were burned by taking the stairs than the lift. One started to argue that the figure was far too low – and was still objecting as the lift doors closed behind him.
不过，上星期我自作主张客串了一把同事们的保姆，我下载了那些海报，用宝贴胶把它们贴在每部电梯旁边。随后，我埋伏在一旁，看到两位年轻人阅读了海报——海报宣传说爬楼梯消耗的卡路里是坐电梯的7倍。其中一位年轻人看到海报就开始争辩这个数字太低了——而直到电梯门在他身后关闭的那一刻，他依然在反驳着。
By the afternoon, however, I fancied that the stairs were possibly getting a little more crowded. There were two men going up together, one taking the steps two at a time and talking as he did so. Clearly there are real power games to be played on the stairs – as well as electronic ones.
不过，到下午我惊奇地发现楼梯间里的人可能真的多了一些。有两位男士一同上楼，其中一位一边说着话，一边一步两级地向上走着。显然，一些真正的权力游戏即将在楼梯间上演——还有电子游戏。
Alas, by the end of the day some bigger nanny than me had decided he or she knew best and had taken most of my posters down. Which maybe doesn’t matter as they were a bit feeble anyway. If companies really want to get people using the stairs, something stronger than nannying is called for – like putting half the lifts out of service, forcing the able-bodied to walk.
可惜，那天结束时，某位比我更“保姆”的人士断定自己对一切最为了解，于是这位先生或女士撤掉了多数海报。这大概也没什么，反正不管怎么说这些海报效果不大。如果公司真的想让人们爬楼梯，建议他们采取比保姆式做法更强硬些的手段——比如停运半数电梯，从而迫使身强力壮的人们爬楼梯。
The only adjustment then needed would be to find another bike shed to hide behind. Almost anywhere would be better: the stairwell is a natural auditorium, so that top gossip and angry rants to the plumber can be heard several floors away.
如果真的如此，那么人们唯一需要做出的改变是，找到另一个可供藏身的“自行车棚”。几乎任何地方都比楼梯间合适：楼梯间可是个天然报告厅，那些顶级八卦和对管道工人的愤怒咆哮上下几层楼都能听见。