"Bill Clinton got the two journalists released. This is fantastic news. And then afterwards, Clinton told the hostages, 'I, too, know what it's like to be held captive by an evil tyrant who wears ladies' sunglasses. I feel your pain.'" --Conan O'Brien
　　比尔·克林顿让两位记者被释放了，这是很好的消息。然后，克林顿对人质们说，“我也很了解被一个邪恶的带着女士太阳镜的暴君抓住的感觉，我了解你们的痛苦。”——柯南·奥布莱恩

　　"The two female journalists held captive in North Korea are saying they were shocked to walk into a room and see Bill Clinton there. That's what they said. Then they said they were even more shocked to see him wearing nothing but a towel." --Conan O'Brien
　　两位在朝鲜被抓的女记者们说，她们走进一个房间看见比尔·克林顿的时候非常惊讶。这是她们说的，然后还说她们看见他只披了条毛巾啥也没穿更惊讶。——柯南·奥布莱恩

　　"I want to say happy birthday today to Barack Obama. The President just turned 48 years old, if he was ever really born, that is. I guess it all depends on whether you believe his 'birth certificate' or not." --Jimmy Kimmel
　　我想对奥巴马说生日快乐。总统今年48了，如果他真出生过的话。据我猜测这都的看你相不相信他的出生证明了。——吉米·卡莫

　　"Obama's birthday is a reminder of why healthcare is so important. As you probably know, due to a lack of healthcare coverage, Obama's mother was turned away from a number of hospitals and was ultimately forced to give birth in a manger." --Jimmy Kimmel
　　奥巴马的生日正是提醒了我们为什么医疗保险很重要。你们大家可能知道，就是因为没有医疗保险，奥巴马的妈妈才不得不从好多家医院辗转最后把他生在了马槽里。——吉米·卡莫

　　"I will show you President Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma." --Bill Maher
　　你们给我看莎拉·佩林的高中毕业证我就给你们看奥巴马总统的出生证明。——比尔·马赫

　　"Sonia Sotomayor was confirmed as the Supreme Court's first Hispanic justice. Or as Lou Dobbs reported it, yet another job gone south of the border." –Conan O'Brien
　　索尼娅·索托马约尔被批准成为最高法院第一位西班牙语裔的大法官。或者像Lou Dobbs报道的那样，另一份工作给了国境之南。——柯南·奥布莱恩

　　"President Obama said that Congress probably won't vote on his healthcare bill until October. What's the hurry? It's not like there's some crazy flu epidemic out there." --Jimmy Fallon
　　奥巴马总统说国会可能直到十月才会给他的医疗保险预算投票。急什么呢？又不像有什么疯狂的流感在传染。——吉米·法伦

　　"The Pentagon's concerned that Facebook could pose a security risk to U.S. military personnel. Yeah, because apparently, there's no telling what al Qaeda could do if it knows what a soldier's five favorite romantic comedies are." --Conan O'Brien
　　五角大楼担心facebook会对美国的军队成员带来安全隐患。是啊，因为很明显，要是塔利班知道一个士兵最爱的五部浪漫喜剧电影是什么，谁也不知道他们会做出什么事情。——柯南·奥布莱恩

　　"President Obama, Professor Gates, and Officer Crowley had their beer summit. And the big surprise was they were joined by Vice President Biden. That was the surprise, yeah. The highlight of the evening was when Officer Crowley told Biden, 'You have the right to remain silent.'" --Conan O'Brien
　　奥巴马总统、盖茨教授和警官克劳力举行了他们的啤酒峰会。最让人惊讶的是副总统拜登也参加了，是啊，这让人惊讶。当晚最精彩的是克劳力警官对拜登说，“你有权保持沉默。”——柯南·奥布莱恩

　　"Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and her husband Todd are denying rumors that they're getting a divorce. When asked about it, Palin said, 'When have you ever known me to not see something through?'" --Conan O'Brien
　　前阿拉斯加州长莎拉·佩林和她的丈夫托德否认了离婚传闻。当被问道这件事的时候，佩林说，“你们什么时候看见我没有在最艰难的时候坚持到底了？”——柯南·奥布莱恩