Summoning the courage, you finally land a date with the hot chick you’ve been lusting for. You show up at the door with flowers and candy, and think that you are about to score brownie points when she opens the door. I have news for you, buddy, because your date is probably thinking the exact opposite.

If you’re going to ask a woman out on a date, have a plan. Women love that and women love confidence. Ask open-ended questions. Rather than saying, “Where are you from?” say, “Tell, me about the place where you grew up.” That will keep the conversation flowing. Men, you should still open doors and pull out a chair for your date. These chivalrous things still make a good impression: Plan the date near her place, not yours. And most importantly, pick up the check.

Flowers and candy were once thought to be “romantic” or a “gentlemanly gesture.” That was also in the days of Leave it to Beaver. Times have changed, women have changed. Things that worked back then, just don’t work now. They don’t carry any merit, and in fact, they actually may hurt you. Let me tell you why.

What you thought was such a sweet gesture on your part, just told the woman you are taking on a date a very different thing. To her, flowers and candy represent a wimpy token of appreciation in hopes of receiving her attention in exchange. They are unoriginal, lack creativity, and are just plain cheesy. You might get a fake smile in return, and maybe a hug if you’re lucky, but they will both lack sincerity. Strike ONE!

Not only will they lack sincerity, but you have just lost any ounce of respect you were hoping to establish. Any ordinary fellow can pick up flowers, so you have to do something to set yourself apart from those other guys.

Try something different. Think about every conversation that you have had with her. If you were listening, she probably told you more than enough about herself to give you a clue on her likes and dislikes.

Where did you meet her? At a coffee shop? At a book store? At the mall? Bringing something of context to her will show that you not only are attentive, but are proactive about it. If you bumped into her at a book store, do you remember which section you were in? What she was reading? Pick up a book of the same author or topic for her. You can’t imagine how many brownie points that will earn you.

And before you show up for your date, have something about the gift in mind that you want to talk about. Don’t think that her heart and affection will be yours upon receiving the gift. You have to know WHY you’re giving it to her, and be able to articulate it at the same time.

In the book example, do a little research on the author. Find out what types of books the author writes. Maybe check out some editorial reviews that you can “borrow” to make it appear that you know what you are talking about. And it will show your date that you went out of your way to look up and research her interests.

In her mind, if you get into something just because she is interested in it, that will show her you can express similar enthusiasm later down the road. And if she starts picturing the near future with you in it, that’ll do so much for the current date you are going on.

Trust me, you’ll see more enthusiasm on her end, which will make for an engaging date for the both of you. And you know what that means…usually another date very soon.

So, to summarize the key points of this article…

1. NOOOOOOO flowers and candy. Did I get my point across?

2. Be creative. Bring something of context.

3. Research before you give her the gift. And have something articulate to say about it.

4. Don’t make a second date while you’re still on the first date.

终于，你鼓起万般勇气，敲定要和你心仪已久的热门对象约会。你站在门口，手上拿着花和糖果，想象她一开门你就达阵得分。小伙子，我得告诉你，你的约会也许和你想象的恰好相反。

如果你邀请女士和你约会，先要做计划。女人喜欢有计划和自信的人。问开放式的问题，比如说“谈谈你生长的地方”，要比问“你来自哪里？”要好的多。这样可以让谈话继续下去。男士们，你们应该为约会对象开门和拉椅子。这些体现风度的行为可以留下好印象：约会地点选在她家附近，而不是你家附近。最重要的是你买单。

花和糖果曾经代表了“罗曼蒂克”和“绅士风度”。那已经过时了。时代改变了，女人也改变了。以前行的通的，现在行不通了。他们不会给你带来任何好处，事实上反而会给你带来负面效果。让我来告诉你为什么。

在你看来这些是甜蜜的小动作，告诉对方你特别看重这次约会。对她来说花和糖果代表了希望获得她注意的小小表示。没有创意，缺乏创造力，再平凡俗气不过了。你得到的也许就是婉尔一笑，如果幸运的话也许是一个拥抱，但都缺乏诚意。一次打击！

不仅仅是她缺乏诚意，你也失去了最后一点点你所希望建立的形象。任何人都能送花，所以你要做一些与众不同的事。

试试做些不同的事。想想你和她谈过的话。如果你听进去了，也许她暗示过你很多她喜欢的和不喜欢的东西，多过她想告诉你的。

你曾经在哪里碰到过她？咖啡店？购物中心？给她带点有隐含意义的东西表明你不仅细致而且积极。如果你曾和她在书店偶遇，你是否记得是在哪个区域？她在看什么？带上一本同样作者或话题的书，你无法想象这样可以得多少分。

在结束约会前，脑海中想想你要谈论的礼物。不要认为她收到你礼物后会把心交给你或很爱慕你。你要知道你为什么送给她，并同时明确的告诉她。

以书为例，小小研究一下作者。找出这个作者的写作风格。也许查查社评，你可以借此表明你知道你在说什么。这样向你的对象表明你已经寻找和研究过她的兴趣爱好。

在她心里，如果你是因为她有兴趣而去学习某些东西，就表示不久你会和她在同一事务上倾注同样的热情。 一旦她将你规划在她不久的将来中，就会对你继续约会下去很有帮助。

相信我，你可以看到她的热情，对你们两来说都是有意义的约会。你知道这意味着什么…通常不久就会有下一次约会。

最后，总结文章的关键点。

1. 千万千万不要带花和糖果。你理解了吗？

2. 发挥创造力，准备一些有隐含意义的东西。

3. 送礼物之前研究一下，要能实质上有话题的东西。

4. 还在第一次约会的时候不要想第二次。