45 seconds. One billion viewers. Oscar winners are given one of the largest platforms in the world for public speech. Here are some tips for how to write good acceptance speech.

The Napkin(1) Speech
A repugnant(2) form of false modesty somehow the winners always end up pulling out some chicken scratch speech written on a lottery ticket or coaster(3). "Forgive me," one 2006 winner said, "I wrote this on my valet parking ticket(4)." I, for one, won't forgive you or anyone else who fumbles(5) for a piece of scrap paper and then mumbles incoherently(6) until the orchestra(7) starts playing. Where's your sense of show?

Thanking Your Agent
If you don't thank everyone at CAA you might as well take that shovel from the hands of the golden statue and start digging your own grave. Or at least that's the common thought. Nowadays, people just rattle off(8) a bunch of studio heads. I say if you're going to give us a laundry list of names, at least out your 4th grade English teacher along the way, as Tom Hanks once did.

When to pull out the tears
This is a tough one. Tears can be moving or just plain distracting. It's all in the timing, so never cry before reaching the podium(9). Sniffling(10) is acceptable, and wiping tears is downright(11) encouraged, but if one of the presenters has to help you off stage, then your performance has gone too far. Also, and this is important, the supporting actor or actress should never cry. They're receiving an Oscar for being supportive, not for being a blubbery mess.

Be Yourself, Even if That Self is Shallow
When Cher won an Oscar for her role in "Moonstruck," she received a lot of flack(12) for showering her makeup artist, hairdresser, and assistant with thanks, while failing to mention her co-stars or director. While this may have been politically incorrect, at least she said what was on her mind, which is something that has been absent from Oscar speeches of recent memory.

Never Underestimate the Appeal of Your Mother
Thanking your mom is a must. It's the only person to thank really. And talking about the sacrifices she made is even better. If she's in the audience, have her stand up. If this seems excessive, keep in mind that David Letterman has made a living off of exploiting his innocent mother on air.

Phrases to avoid

"Wow, this thing is heavy." Talk about the world's smallest violin. You just won an academy award, and the first thing you do is complain about how difficult it is to hold?

"The list is too long." How many people want to be one in a long list of many? You might as well just thank "the little people."

"The gold boy" This just sounds wrong. Isn't the nickname Oscar cute enough?

"The man with the stick" This impolite term for conductor was coined by Julia Roberts.

45秒，一百万观众。奥斯卡获奖者能够登上世界上最宏大的演讲台。这里有一些写好获奖感言的建议。

破纸片感言
有些获奖者总是错误地表现自己的谦虚，当众拿出一张奖券或者杯子垫，上面写着蛛蛛爬般的感言。2006年一位获奖者说：“不好意思，我写在汽车罚款单上了。” 我不会原谅他或者任何获奖者摸索出一张破纸，支支吾吾地哼唧到音乐响起。您有没有点表演感？

感谢你的公司
如果你不感谢每位CAA人员，就如同接过小金人手中的铲子自掘坟墓。这是常识。如今，人们只是快速地背诵一连串工作室老板的名字。要我说，如果你真的要给出一箩筐人名，至少要参考Tom Hanks的感言，也说说四年级的英语老师。

何时挥泪
这点很难掌握。挥好了是感动，挥不好就只能让观众觉得迷惑。关键是何时挥，千万不要还没上台泪先洒。抽泣不错，能流出眼泪就更好了，但如果哭到需要人搀扶才能下台就过火了。还有一点也很重要，获奖配角不要哭。配角因为搭配优秀而获奖，而不是因为哭得一团糟。

本色发言，即便本色很肤浅
Cher凭借电影《Moonstruck》获奖发表感言后声名远扬，因为她感谢了化妆师，发型师和助理却没提合作明星和导演。虽然她犯了政策性错误，但至少说了真心话，这在近年的奥斯卡颁奖感言中很少见了。

永远不要忽视妈妈
感谢母亲是必须的，因为这是唯一一个真正应该感谢的。如果能说说她为你所作的牺牲就更好了。如果她在场，让她起身示意。如果你觉得这有些多余，看看David Letterman，他无辜的妈妈总被他拉上节目。

需要避免的语言

“喔，这东西真沉。”你在说世界上最小的小提琴么？你刚刚赢得一项奥斯卡大奖，要做的第一件事情就是抱怨拿着它有多困难？

“名单真长啊。” 你知道有多少人想成为长名单中的一员么？不如你只感谢“小人”一个算了。

“金男孩”。这听上去可不怎么样。难道Oscar这个昵称还不够可爱么？

“拿棍儿的人”。这个对乐队指挥的戏称是Julia Roberts的专利。