(单词翻译:单击)
When we are very concerned about certain of our physical features - a nose that is stubbornly a bit too large, eyes that are slightly too far apart, hair that is not as lustrous as it should be
当我们非常关注我们的某些身体特征--鼻子太大了，眼睛距离太远了，头发没有应有的光泽
- we miss an overall point about our relationship to our appearance:
--我们忽略了我们与外表的关系的一个整体观点：
how beautiful we feel has nothing to do with the objective structure of our face or body; it isn’t what we look like that counts.
我们觉得自己有多漂亮与我们面部或身体的客观结构无关; 这与我们的长相多重要无关。
It’s how we feel inside.
这是我们内心的感受。
Our self-assessments are in the end solely based on our relative degrees of self-love and self-contempt.
最终，我们的自我评价仅仅是基于我们自爱和自嘲的相对程度。
There are people of ideal proportions and exceptional beauty who cannot bear what they see in the mirror
有身材匀称、美貌出众的人，却无法忍受自己在镜子里看到的东西;
and others who can contemplate a less than svelte stomach or a no longer so supple kind of skin with indifference and defiant good humour.
也有一些人，可以用冷漠和幽默的眼光去凝视不那么苗条的肚子或不再那么柔韧的皮肤。
And at a tragic extreme, there are heart-breakingly fine-looking people who starve themselves to ill-health and eventually die out of a certainty, immune to every logical argument, of their own unsightliness.
在悲剧性的极端情况下，有一些长得漂亮得令人心碎的人把自己饿得身体不好，最终死于确定的，不受任何逻辑论证的影响，因为自己的丑陋而死亡。
We are surrounded by industries that seek to help us to improve how we look:
我们周围都是试图帮助我们改善外表的行业：
dieticians who are on hand to reduce our waistlines, aerobic teachers who offer to tone us, beauticians who will equip us with foundation and mascara.
身边有帮助我们瘦身的营养师，帮助我们强身健体的有氧老师，给我们打粉底和涂睫毛膏的美容师。
But however well meaning their efforts, they fail completely to grasp the sources of a healthy regard for one’s own appearance.
但是，无论他们的努力有多么善意，他们都不能完全掌握正确尊重自己外表的根源。
The issue is not whether we look extraordinary today, but whether or not we were once upon a time, when we were small and defenceless before the judgements of those who cared for us, sufficiently loved for our essence.
问题不在于我们今天看起来是否与众不同，而在于我们是否曾经如此卑微，在那些关心我们的，充分爱着我们本质的人的评判面前不堪一击。
This will decide whether our appearance can later on be a subject of negligible concern to us or not.
这将决定我们的外表以后是否可以被我们忽略不计。
The truly blessed among us are not those with perfect symmetry; they are those whose past affords them the luxury not to give too much of a damn whatever the mirror happens to say.
我们中间真正快乐的人并不是那些完全对称的人; 他们是这样的人，他们的过去给了他们奢侈的东西，不管镜子碰巧说了什么，他们都不会太在意。
The way to help someone feel beautiful is not to compliment them on their looks, it is to take an interest in and delight in their psychological essence.
让别人感到美丽的方法不是赞美他们的外表，而是对他们的心理本质感兴趣并感到快乐。
We know that the more comfortable we feel around someone, the less effort we will make about how we appear and conversely, the more anxious we are about the judgement of others, the more our reflection has the power to horrify us.
我们知道，我们在别人身边感觉越自在，我们就越不会在意自己的外表，反之，我们越担心别人的评判，我们的倒影就越会让我们感到恐惧。
The issue is never that of our appearance, it is about our sense of our vulnerability to humiliation.
问题从来不是我们外表的问题，而是我们易受羞辱的感觉。
When we meet people who are perpetually sick with worry that they are not attractive enough, we should not rush in with physical compliments;
当我们遇到那些总是担心自己不够有吸引力的人时，我们不应该匆忙地赞美他们的外表;
this is only to foster and unwittingly reward an aggravating criterion of judgement.
这只会助长并在不知不觉中助长一种日益恶化的判断标准。
We should learn to spot the wound in their early relationships that have made it so hard for them to trust that they could matter to others in their basic state and that therefore perpetually evokes in them an unflattering self-image.
我们应该学会发现他们早期关系中的伤口，这些伤口让他们很难信任他们可以在基本状态下对别人很重要，因此永远会在他们身上唤起一种不吸引人的自我形象。
They are not ‘ugly’ per se, they were - when it mattered - left painfully unloved and ignored to an extent that they are liable never to have recognised or mourned adequately;
他们本身并不“丑陋”，重要的是，他们痛苦地失去了爱，被忽视到一定程度，以至于他们可能从来没有得到充分的认可，没有人替他们忧伤;
their arrival in the world did not delight a few people as it should have done, and they therefore need compassion, sympathy and emotional validation far more than they will ever require the tools of outward beautification.
他们来到这个世界上并没有像应有的那样让一些人感到高兴，因此他们需要同情、理解和情感上的认可，远远超过了他们需要外在美化工具的程度。
Feeling ugly stems from a deficit of love, never of beauty.
难看的感觉源于爱的缺失，而不是美的缺失。
