One of the most striking features of relationships is that, after a while, if things are going well, one or both partners will almost naturally start to refer to the other as ‘baby’.

恋爱关系中最显著的特征之一是，一段时间后，如果事情进展顺利，其中一方或双方都会很自然地开始称呼对方为“宝贝”bkd|SroguEJS。

They might, alternatively or in addition, stick a diminutive on to the end of their name (‘-ie’), buy them a teddy (or show them their own from way back)

他们可能会在名字后面加上一个昵称(' -ie ')，给他们买泰迪熊(或者给他们展示自己很久以前的玩具)

and late at night speak to them in an unusually high pitched, soothing and sing-songy way.

在深夜，以一种不同寻常的高音调，抚慰人心的和歌唱的方式和他们说话3w^okHa78z3。

We all invest a considerable part of our energy and our pride in growing up,

我们都在成长过程中投入了相当多的精力和尊严，

in ensuring that we no longer need help in tying up our shoelaces,

为了确保我们不再需要别人帮自己系鞋带，

don’t need to be reminded to wrap up warm on cold days and can take care of combing our own hair.

在寒冷的日子里不需要别人提醒自己要穿暖和的衣服，并能自己梳头发9cqITLT-ZQN7-#Byt。

In short, we try very hard to be adults.

简而言之，我们非常努力地成为成年人MwGyU!|^*4k。

But successful grown up relationships demand something rather peculiar of us:

但成功的成人关系要求我们具备一些特别的特质:

while we are rewarded for the overall maturity of our characters and way of life,

当我们因为我们的性格和生活方式的全面成熟而得到回报时，

we are also invited - when striving properly to be close to someone - to access the less developed, and more puerile sides of us.

当我们努力适当地接近某人时，我们也被邀请去接触我们比较不发达和较幼稚的一面Yt46]XQLRwhlCc6-Ly5。

It belongs to authentic adulthood to be able, at points in an intimate relationship, to curl up like a small child and seek to be ‘babied’ ,

在一段亲密关系中，能够像小孩子一样蜷缩起来，寻求被“娇惯”，这是真正的成年的表现,

as one might have been many decades before, when we wore pyjamas with elephant prints on them and had a lisp and a small gap in our front teeth.

就像几十年前一样，当我们穿着印有大象图案的睡衣，口齿不清，门牙上有一个小缺口时^LMFtIqgML8。

It belongs to health, rather than pathology,

这是健康的，而不是病态的，

to realise how much one might at difficult moments want to be ‘mummied’ or ‘daddied’ by a partner

意识到一个人在困难时刻多么想被伴侣“妈妈化”或“爸爸化”，

and to connect for a time with the helpless, frightened, dependent child one once was and at some level always remain.

与曾经无助、害怕、依赖他人的孩子建立一段时间的联系，并在某种程度上永远保持这种联系-aw&*4yFzQ~_@。

Sadly though, this selective regression is no easy or charming journey back for those whose childhood involved them in scenes of petrifying suffering and humiliation.

遗憾的是，对于那些童年经历过痛苦和羞辱的人来说，这种选择性的退化并不是一段轻松或迷人的旅程&tk]I6DaL&T_4lDaNyl。

For them, growing up has involved a superhuman effort never again to place themselves at the mercy of those who might take advantage of their vulnerabilities.

对他们来说，成长需要付出超人的努力，不再让自己听任那些可能利用他们弱点的人摆布l93TOBput9ggCA81GKb8。

Returning into imaginative contact with ‘mummies’ and ‘daddies’ therefore holds no particular charm;

因此，回到“妈妈们”和“爸爸们”的富有想象力的联系中并没有什么特别的吸引力;

their teddies will not be having a picnic any time soon.

他们的泰迪熊近期不会去野餐了%.A7DKT_^Td-V*。

These bulletproof characters are likely to walk through the world with defiance and strength.

这些刀枪不入的人物可能会带着蔑视和力量走过这个世界dd+Hm0XYK%Z7v]d。

They will have built a heavy shield of irony around their hearts.

他们会在心里筑起一个沉重的讽刺盾牌Vdi@R#CJObXJ*K82Y2。

Sarcasm may be their favorite mode of defence

讽刺可能是他们最喜欢的防御方式，

- and they will have ensured in a thousand ways that no one would ever attempt to ask them,

而且他们会用各种方式确保没有人会试图问他们，

even in the briefest, most lighthearted and humorous way, to ‘come to mummy or daddy’ for a hug.

即使是用最简单、最轻松、最幽默的方式，比如“来妈妈或爸爸那里拥抱一下”1amZV8E!Cv=l80D。

The defensiveness is hugely understandable, but it is not necessarily aligned with the real requirements of maturity.

这种防御是可以理解的，但它并不一定与成熟的实际需求相一致~mtq]F4BtOJutK+tUf0。

True health would mean recovering an easy and informal contact with one’s less robust dimensions;

真正的健康，意味着恢复与他人不那么健康维度下的轻松和非正式的接触;

it would mean being able to play the child because one knew one was resolutely the adult,

这意味着你可以扮演孩子，因为你知道自己绝对是成年人，

it would mean being able to be ‘baby’ because one was in no doubt that one had safely overcome the fears and traumas of the defenceless past.

这将意味着能够成为一个“婴儿”，因为毫无疑问，一个人已经安全地克服了过去毫无防备的恐惧和创伤mOdZ1019iD,.~s。

The more difficult the early years have been, the more of our undeveloped self must be disavowed, the more we must appear grandiose, impregnable and daunting.

早期的岁月越是艰难，我们就越要否认不成熟的自我，我们就越要显得浮夸、坚不可摧、令人畏惧S*t0g;SLrjEU-。

Nevertheless, we will know we have acceded to genuine adulthood when we can hold out a protective hand to our frail younger self

然而，当我们能够向年轻时脆弱的自己伸出保护之手时，我们就知道我们已经步入了真正的成年

- and reassure them that we will from now on be their reliable guardians and protectors and allow them to visit us for a cuddle and a play whenever they need to.

——并向他们保证，从现在起，我们将成为他们可靠的监护人和保护者，允许他们在需要的时候来看望我们，拥抱我们，和我们玩耍%q|yDVyNVH^fF^|*a。