I was so excited yesterday to be doing a show from somewhere other than my garage.
我昨天太激动了 终于能换个地方 不用在车库里录节目了
And today it has hit me that it is just so odd doing the show without an audience here.
今天 我又感觉 没有观众录节目太奇怪了
Does it feel strange? Ian, do you feel strange? Does it feel strange to you?
奇怪吗 伊恩 你感觉奇怪吗 你觉得奇怪吗
It is eerily reminiscent of every time i've done stand-up comedy.
这很奇怪 让我想起自己每次搞单口喜剧的场景
You mean in an empty room or a smattering of laughter.
你是说 在一个空房子里 还是没什么笑声呢
It feels empty, or i'm empty by the end of it, it's just an empty feeling, the ben and jerry's empty an hour later. Everything is empty.
感觉很空 或者说结束的时候很空虚 就是很空的感觉 吃完好吃冰激凌一小时后的空虚 一切皆空
Ian is our co-head writer with Lauren, and Lauren has absolutely refused to appear on screen.
伊恩和劳伦是我们的联合首席编剧 劳伦完全拒绝露脸
Why won't you be on screen? It is okay, we're going to blur your face.
为何你不想出现在荧幕上呢 没事 我们给你的脸打上马赛克
James, have you noticed that Lauren's mask looks like a pair of very fancy underwear?
詹姆斯 你发现没有 劳伦的口罩像一对很高级的内衣
Rob Crabbe, are you going to be blurred or are you okay? I'm okay. Oh, nice. Confident.
罗伯·克拉布 你要打马赛克吗 我没事 很好 自信
I mean, it is not going to happen much, so i'm okay in general.
不会很多次的 没什么事
What's wrong -- your mask is the most blurred. You sound like tom hardy in batman. A very big mask.
你的口罩是最糊的 你就像蝙蝠侠中的汤姆哈迪 很大的口罩
Bane. He was Bane, give me your best Bane, reg? I see!
贝恩 他演的是贝恩 来一个你最好的模仿 雷吉 我知道了
As you can see, we're all being as safe as we possibly can.
如你所知 我们都尽可能的保持安全
We may all be being in the same room, but we're keeping distance, you know. Or as doctors call that, being British.
我们虽然共处一室 但是还是保持一定的距离 或者像医生们表示的那样 做个英国人
But we have some big huge today -- huge news today -- Joe Biden has announced his running mate this afternoon.
今天我们有一些重大消息 今天的大新闻 乔·拜登今天下午宣布了他的竞选伙伴
His running mate is senator Kamala Harris. Say what? All right!
他的竞选伙伴是参议员卡玛拉·哈里斯 你说什么 好吧
I'm into it. I like it. This genuinely is -- historically, Kamala Harris will be the first black, south Asian American woman on a major party ticket.
我跟了 我喜欢 这真的创造了历史 卡玛拉·哈里斯将成为首位主要政党候选人的黑人 南亚裔美国女性
Basically Joe Biden told his committee, you see mike pence, get me the opposite of that.
基本上就是 乔拜登 告诉他的委员会 看到麦克彭斯了吗 给我找一个和他完全相反的人
But this is great news. And everybody here at work are like yay, Kamala Harris.
这真的是大消息 每个在这里工作的人都很高兴 是卡玛拉·哈里斯哎
And i thought, does this really change anything for anybody?
我就在想 这真的给大家带来什么变化吗
Is anybody out there who says, i'm definitely planning to vote for trump
有人是这样的吗 我肯定要给川普投票

because i would like the end of this coronavirus hoax, and stop the witch hunt,
因为我想看到新冠肺炎的结束 政治迫害的结束
And finally just crack on building that wall, but i'm going to see who vice president picks as v.p.
最后 就加紧造墙 但是我要看看拜登选谁做副总统呢
Is that a conversation anyone has having? But she is already ready to campaign.
有人会这么想吗 但是她已经准备好参加选举活动了
She has already been practicing for her televised debate with mike pence.
她已经在为与迈克·彭斯的电视辩论做准备了
She has been arguing with a jar of mayonnaise. But Donald Trump wasted no time -- yeah, that's the one.
她一直在和一罐蛋黄酱争论 但唐纳德·特朗普没有浪费时间 没错 就是这个
i have to come out here in defense of mayonnaise on that one. That's not fair to mayonnaise.
我得站出来为那个蛋黄酱辩护 这对蛋黄酱是不公平的
Do you think that joke was disrespectful to mayonnaise?
你认为那个笑话是对蛋黄酱的不敬吗
But Donald Trump wasted no time releasing a video attacking Biden and Harris.
唐纳德·特朗普紧接着就发布了攻击拜登和哈里斯的视频
Have a look at this. This is completely real. Slow Joe and phony Kamala is perfect together, wrong for America.
看看这个吧 完全是真实的 迟钝乔和假卡玛拉在一起很完美 但是让他们领导美国是错误的
So it is phony kamala, that's such a terrible nickname.
虚假的卡玛拉 这个绰号真逊
I thought it would be a better nickname that phony kamala. That's a big letdown.
我还以为会是一个比虚假的卡玛拉更好的绰号呢 太失望了
Friday, leaving the office at 5 pm. Oh phony kamala and then he is out of the doorway.
周五 下午五点离开办公室 啊 虚假的卡玛拉 然后他就夺门而出
I feel like trump, the only thing he is good at is nicknames.
我感觉 川普唯一擅长的事情就是起绰号
He must have been all out of options. I feel like this is what people must have felt when they watched Michael Jordan play baseball.
他肯定是没得选了 我感觉这就像是 大多数人看乔丹打棒球的感受
Do you know what i mean? He is great at something, and now i'm watching him do something not quite as great. That's a shame.
理解我的意思吗 他很擅长某事 现在我看到的却是 他在做不那么擅长的事情 真遗憾
But in all seriousness, this is massive news, this is an important moment in history.
严肃起来 下面这个是大消息 这是历史上的一个重要的时刻
And i think i speak for all of us when we're just really, really hopeful that joe biden won't do anything crazy and mess this whole thing up.
我想我代表我们所有人说 我们真的真的希望乔·拜登不会做任何疯狂的事情 把整个事情搞砸
Of course, this isn't the only big news of the day.
当然 这并不是今天唯一的大新闻
Did you hear about this: Vladimir Putin came out today and said that Russia has developed a coronavirus vaccine. It's done!
你听说了吗 弗拉基米尔·普京今天出来说 俄罗斯已经研制出一种冠状病毒疫苗 搞定了
We did it. So easy. Bring the audience in, guys!
我们做到了 好简单 把观众带进来 伙计们
Call Dua Lipa say we're good for a car-pool. Let's do it.
就按啪姐说的 我们可以来个拼车k歌了 开始吧
Because, i tell you what, if Vladimir Putin said something, he is a straight, down the line guy. Do you know what i mean?
因为 是这样的 普京是个直的不能再直的男孩 如果他说了什么的话 明白我的意思了吗
That's what i know about him. Anyone else, i think this would feel dodgy, but putin, his word is stronger than oak.
这就是我对他的了解 换其他任何人说 我都会感到怀疑 但是普京的话 他说的话比橡树还坚定
I see this is great news. Apparently the vaccine only passed the first stage of testing, but according to Putin, and this is, quote, "it works affectively enough".
这是个很棒的消息 很明显 疫苗刚通过第一阶段的测试 但是据普京说 疫苗 足够有效
Which is exactly what you want in something that is supposed to protect you from a deadly virus.
对于一个要保护你免收一种致死病毒侵害的东西来说 这就是你想要的功效
If you bought a pack of condoms and it said on the box "Works affectively enough" You would start picking out baby names.
如果你买了一盒套套 盒子上面写着 足够有效 那你就应该开始给宝宝起名字了