How long have we been doing these shows now? Like three and a half months.
我们录这些节目有多久了 差不多三个半月了吧
Yeah, i think it is nearly four months. Four months we've been doing this.
我感觉将近四个月了 我们这样已经四个月了
And i have got to tell you, it hasn't gotten any easier.
我得告诉大家 根本没有变轻松
As of, we're performers, the band are performers, we love an audience
我们是表演者 乐队是表演者 我们喜爱观众
There is nothing worse than trying to tell jokes alone in complete silence.
没有什么比一个人在完全沉默的情况下讲笑话更糟糕的事情了
But tonight we are going to try something that is going to be different.
但是今晚我们来做一些不一样的东西
Because i don't know if you read about this, there is a brand new company and we're excited about this.
因为我不知道你有没有读过这个 有一家全新的公司出现了 我们对此很激动
A new company that will provide anyone who needs one with an online virtual audience
这家新公司将为任何有需要的人提供在线虚拟受众
So that you can get realtime feedback. You must have friend, standup comedians doing this sort of thing, they are using it.
这样你就可以得到实时反馈 你一定有朋友 单口喜剧演员在做这个 他们正在用这个
C.E.O.s of big companies are using it to unveil new products to their workforce,
很多大公司的首席执行官都在用它向员工发布新产品
So on and so forth, and basically we at the "late, late show" have signed up.
如此等等 我们深夜秀也签约了
So tonight we're going to do an actual monologue with a genuine live audience.
今晚我们将与真正的现场观众进行一场真正的独角戏
I don't know how they find these people. I don't. But we figure we're going to give it a try, okay.
我不知道 他们是如何找到这些人的 我不知道 但是我们想要试一下
So what i have to do, i have to open this. And then if i click on this, this should be.
我要做什么 我得打开这个 如果我点击这个 它就应该
Hey james. It worked. Hey james. Oh no, not you two. Oh, look, he really is in the garage.
你好 詹姆斯 奏效了 你好 詹姆斯 奥 别是你们两个啊 看 他真的在车库里
Yeah, but his ratings are still in the basement. I don't think this is going to work.
但他的支持率仍处于地下室 我认为这行不通
We'll be the judge of that. Yeah, why would tonight be any different.
我们才是说话算数的 今晚怎么会不一样呢
You know what, do you know what, fine, fine, okay, i am a professional.
你知道吗 你知不知道 好吧 我是专业的
Fine, if that is the audience we've got, that is what we will do. Okay, let's jump in with the monologue. Okay, here we go.
如果这是我们的观众的话 我们也就认了 我们开始独角戏吧
According to a recent poll Mr. Blue sky by elo is the happiest song ever recorded.
根据一项最近的民意调查 电光乐队的蓝天先生是有史以来最快乐的歌曲
It beat out the second happiest song of all time, any song that immediately follows baby shark.
它打败了有史以来第二快乐的歌曲 任何紧跟在小鲨鱼后面的歌曲
Not only did that joke not land, it never got off the runway.
这个笑话不仅没有成功 它一开始就不行
Better check with the tower, i don't think it get cleared for takeoff.
最好联络一下塔台吧 我不认为它可以起飞了

Okay, fine, we'll try another one. Here is another one, okay, you will like this one.
我们来试另外一个 这是另外一个 你会喜欢上这个的
Scientists have recently discovered that mice are smaller now than they were a hundred years ago.
科学家们最近发现 现在的老鼠比一百年前要小
Obviously none of those scientists has ever been to Disneyland. Yes. There you go, you like that one.
显然 这些科学家中没有一个人去过迪斯尼乐园 是的 好了 你喜欢这个
No, we made a bet. I said there was no way your jokes could get any worse. And i won.
不 我们打过赌 我说你的笑话不能再糟了 我赢了
You think are you the only one who can throw around clever insults, is that what you think, we can all do that.
你以为只有你一个人能巧妙地侮辱别人吗 你以为我们都能这样吗
What about this, you two-- here's one, the both of you-- you both-- give me a minute.
这个怎么样 你们这两个家伙 给我一分钟
Take the whole hour. Yeah, and wake us when are you funny.
整个小时都是你的 你搞笑的时候叫醒我们
This is ridiculous, how are these the only people. Hey there, hi, james. What? Hello. Kermit.
太荒谬了 只有这俩人吗 你好 詹姆斯 你好 科米特
Hi james. Fozzie, oh, thank goodness you are both here.
你好 詹姆斯 奥兹 谢天谢地 你俩都来了
You know what, i am so sorry about those guys. I apologize. James, james, continue.
你知道吗 我真为你俩感到抱歉 我道歉 詹姆斯 请继续
You are doing great, you are doing great. Yes, yes, love your stuff, very funny.
你做的很棒 很棒 是的 喜欢你的包袱 很搞笑
Oh, you don't know how much i needed to hear that, guys. Thank you so much.
你不知道我有多需要听到这个 伙计们 太感谢你们了
This is a better audience. Okay, here's one, you will like this one. Okay.
这个观众更好 这个故事 你们会喜欢的
An Idaho woman has set a new world record by dressing her husband in 32 T-shirts in one minute,
爱达荷州的一名妇女创造了一项新的世界纪录 她在一分钟内为丈夫穿了32件t恤
According to the husband he's almost got the hang of it and he could be dressing himself soon.
据他的丈夫说 他几乎已经掌握了穿衣的窍门 很快他就可以自己穿衣服了
Yeah. You think maybe we should do a musical number, huh? Oh boy, that could be fun too.
你觉得我们应该做个音乐表演 对吧 那也会很有趣的
Wait a minute, did you guys plan and rehearse a big musical number,
等等 你们是不是计划并排练了一场大型音乐剧
Maybe even with my own band just in case you had to save me from telling more jokes? Maybe.
也许是和我自己的乐队一起 以防你不让我讲更多的笑话 也许吧
Well then i've got to say thank you. Gee, that's what friends are for, james, hit it guys.
那我得说声谢谢了 这就是朋友的作用 詹姆斯 好伙计