Summer is right around the corner.

夏天马上就来了

A lot of people have been talking about new diets to try.

很多人在讨论新的减肥食谱

Everybody starts dieting when it gets close to summer.

一到夏天 所有人都开始节食了

Like panicking. Like we don't think about all winter long.

就像恐慌症一样 我们一冬天想都不想减肥的事

It's OK that we just put fat on to hibernate, somehow.

只管着增肥 进入冬眠状态

And then summertime comes and we're like, we've gotta lose weight all of the sudden.

等夏天来的时候 突然又觉得该减肥了

Who here has been on-- tried a diet recently?

哪些人最近正在节食呢？

OK. Who started one this morning and gave up just a little while ago?

好 哪些人是今天早上开始减肥 然后刚刚决定放弃的？

I went to the doctor to get a sonogram.

我去找医生做了个声波检查

I'm not pregnant, I just like to take a look once in a while to see what's going on in there.

我没怀孕 我只是隔段时间就查一下 了解自己的身体状况

And while I was waiting in the room, I saw a copy of a Vogue from 1977.

我在房间里候诊的时候 看到了一本1977年的Vogue杂志

They really don't change magazines that often.

他们的杂志更新频率真的太慢了

And it had a diet in there. This is from 1977.

里面有减肥食谱 这是1977年的

"How to Lose Five Pounds in Three Days."

“如何在三天内减掉五磅”

Here it is. It's called the Wine and Eggs Diet.

这就是 它叫做酒和鸡蛋减肥食谱

Also known as the Real Housewives shopping list.

也叫真实主妇购物清单

So for breakfast it's you have one hard boiled egg,

所以早餐是吃一个硬煮蛋

one glass of white wine-- preferably Chablis-- and black coffee.

一杯白酒 最好是夏布利酒 和一杯黑咖啡

Obviously you want to drink Chablis for breakfast.

很明显 大家早上想喝夏布利酒

If you drink Cabernet, it means you got a problem.

如果喝的是卡百内酒 那可就麻烦了

Only white wine in the morning.

早上只喝白酒

For lunch, you have two eggs, two glasses of white wine, and black coffee.

午餐是两个鸡蛋 两杯白酒和一杯黑咖啡

So then you'll be wide awake to get fired for being drunk at the office.

这样你就能因为上班喝醉被炒鱿鱼

And if you're still standing by dinner, you have steak,

如果到了晚上你还能站得起来 那你就吃牛排

the remainder of the wine, and more black coffee.

把剩下的酒喝完 然后再喝些黑咖啡

The reason you lose so much weight so fast is that you have to get rid of your liver.

你之所以能快速减重是因为你得把肝切除

You have to--

你得

That was 1977. Obviously things have changed.

那是1977年的方法 现在明显不一样了

We do not have crazy diets like that anymore.

我们再也没有那么离谱的减肥食谱了

Oh, what's that? We do.

哦 什么？依然有

I found a couple of other diets in Cosmo magazine.

我在Cosmo杂志上看到了其他的减肥食谱

These are real bad.

真的很糟糕

Here's one it's called Clip Your Nose While You Eat Diet.

这就是 它叫做节食的时候把鼻子夹住

Apparently if you plug your nose while you eat, you'll get full faster.

如果你吃饭的时候把鼻子塞住 那你就能饱得更快

If you clip your mouth, it works even better actually.

其实 要是把嘴夹住的话 效果会更好

If that's not your style, there's the vision diet.

如果那不是你的菜 这儿还有视觉减肥法

So you eat everything while wearing blue tinted glasses.

吃东西的时候 戴上蓝色眼镜

Because they say it makes the food look less appealing.

因为它能让食物看起来不那么诱人

Guess what? It's still appealing to me.

跟你说 对我来说丝毫没有影响

Blue French fries. I don't mind.

蓝色的薯条 我不介意

I'll eat blue cheese pizza. I'll eat anything that-- if I want it.

我愿意吃蓝色的芝士披萨 只要喜欢 我啥都能吃

But the truth is we come in all shapes and sizes.

但事实是我们原本就是千姿百态的

And the most important thing is for us--

最重要的事情是

just be kind to yourself, and be kind to others, and drive a nice car.

要善待自己 善待他人 再开辆帅气的车