I'm sure by now like many of us you are really tired of hearing about Trump and Hillary.
我知道现在你们很多人肯定已经听腻了特朗普和希拉里的名字
So tonight we're going to talk about another pair of star-crossed lovers.
那今晚我们就来聊聊另一对不被祝福的爱情
We thought this was a fun story.
我觉得这故事很好玩
Yesterday at a Yankees game a man proposed to his girlfriend in the stands,
昨天在一场洋基队的比赛上 看台上的一位男士准备他的女朋友求婚
and well, it didn't go as planned.
但是事情并不像计划的那样顺利
There was a couple on the scoreboard, center field, where the guy asked the young lady to marry him,
记分牌那边中间区域有一对情侣 这位男士正在向他年轻的女朋友求婚
took out the ring and the ring dropped and they could not find it.
他拿出了戒指 但戒指掉了 他们找不到了
Look at this poor guy. Wait a minute, they're smiling. They found it!
看这人多可怜 等等 他们笑了 找到了
That's great. Anyway, she said no. I'm kidding. She said yes.
太好了 但反正 女孩子拒绝了他的求婚 开玩笑的 她答应了
And we'll be going ahead with their wedding.
我们会去参加他们的婚礼
If you would like to buy them a gift, they're registered at Yankee stadium's lost and found.
如果你想给他们准备礼物但不知道地址的话 他们是在洋基体育场的失物招领处注册的
Thank you. One of my own. Thank you.
谢谢 这条我写的 谢谢
So at the end of the day, this is a sweet story.
这是个甜蜜的故事
On the bright side, the guy found the ring.
往好的方面看 男生最后找到了戒指
On the downside, he has lost all of his freedom and independence.
不好的一面就是 他失去了自由
Am I right, fellas? Am I right? No, I'm not right. That was a test, sir.
我说的对吗大家 我说的对吗 不 我说的不对 我在钓鱼啊先生
2016.Be a gentleman. Is this your wife? Not yet.
都2016年了 绅士一点不行吗 这位是你的妻子吗 目前还不是
Meanwhile, over in celebrity gossip news, there was big uproar on the internet last night.
与此同时 昨天晚上 网上又爆了一条名人绯闻
I don't know if you saw this, Rob Kardashian posted Kylie Jenner's phone number on twitter
不知道你们看到没有 罗伯·卡戴珊在推特上把凯利·詹纳的电话发了出来
to all of his seven million followers, right.
他的七百万关注者全都可以看到
Now Rob said he did this because he was angry that the Kardashian family
罗伯说他这么做是因为卡戴珊家族没有邀请他的
didn't invite his fiance to a baby shower, right.
未婚夫去参加宝宝派对
Now, honestly, I don't get it.
说真的 这我就看不懂了
I cannot think of something nicer than not getting invited to a baby shower.
我觉得没有什么比不邀请你参加宝宝派对更善良的事了
I will tell you another thing, another interesting thing about this story, as I'm telling you right now,
还有一件事 跟这件事相关的 很有意思 就在此刻
I realized I don't give a flying...about it. Do you?
我意识到我根本不关心这件事 你们呢
I couldn't give less than a...Let's move on.
顶多嘴上说一说 我们继续
Tonight I don't know why I'm talking about it. It's ridiculous. Moving on.
今晚……我也不知道怎么说起了这个 难以置信 继续

Finally tonight, in horny burglar news, it's true, this is your home of horny burglar news, guys.
在今晚的黄色新闻里 是真的 这就是发生在家里的黄色新闻
This made the local news in Memphis, Tennessee.
还上了田纳西州孟菲斯的当地新闻
This week a woman came home from a vacation in Florida to find the two burglars who
这个星期一位女士刚从佛罗里达州度假回来 发现她家被两个小贼
had ransacked her house were still there having sex on her couch.
洗劫一空 她回来时两个小偷还在她家沙发上做爱
I know. The woman came home to find valuables missing and an orgy in her living room,
我懂 这位女士回家发现贵重物品都不见了 房间里还一片凌乱
like as that is normally called Airbnb.
这种故事的发生地我们一般叫它爱彼迎
Now if you ever wondered why your grandmother is so particular about covering her sofa in plastic, now you know.
如果你曾经很奇怪为什么奶奶出门前要把沙发盖住 现在你应该已经明白了
Like lord knows what she is going to do with all the stuff they didn't steal. Do you know what I mean?
鬼知道他们会对那些没法偷走的东西做什么 你们明白我意思吗
I would say if you are walking through today, I would think twice about
你们都听过这个故事 那么下次再在路边看到被丢弃的沙发时
grabbing that free couch that has been left on the sidewalk.
你就要仔细考虑下要不要把它捡回家了
Although I will say, if it weren't for couches left out after burglars had sex on them
同事我想说 要不是那两个小偷在沙发上做爱 沙发被丢掉了
we would never have found old baby blue over there.
我们永远都不会找到那边那种颜色的老式沙发
So should we have a look and see who our guests are on the show tonight, ladies and gentlemen?
那接下来女士们先生们 我们来看看今天要上我们节目的嘉宾吧
In the red room, one of the hottest pop stars on the planet, he just played a sold out Madison square garden show—
在红色的那个房间里面 世界上最火的摇滚明星之一 他麦迪逊广场花园秀的票已经全部卖光了——
Are you okay? The noise you made was not one that a human would normally make, you understand that, right?
你没事吧 你刚发出的声音一般人可发不出来 你知道的吧