OK, so I have some good news. And I have some bad news.

好 我这儿有好消息也有坏消息

What do I want to hear first? Bad!

你们想先听哪个？坏消息

All right, so the good news is-- --I saw an article that said that drinking wine is good for you.

好 好消息是 我看到一篇文章说饮酒对身体有好处

Yeah. The bad news is, I saw an article that says drinking wine is bad for you.

嗯 坏消息是 我看到一篇文章说饮酒对身体有害无益

Every year, there's a study about wine.

每年 都有人做关于酒的研究

One says it's good for your heart.

这项研究说酒对心脏有好处

Another one says it will give you a heart attack.

另一项又说酒会让你得心脏病

I don't know which do you believe? I did my own wine research.

不知道大家相信哪种说法？我自己研究了一下

And my official conclusion is inconclusive.

我的正式结论是这并不一定

I need to keep drinking more. And I--

我得多喝点 才能

And then I'll figure it out. Then what about tequila?

就能想明白了 那龙舌兰酒呢？

Is tequila good for you? Or bad for you? I know. And this is true.

龙舌兰酒对身体有好处吗？还是有坏处？我懂 这是真的

I heard there was a doctor that prescribed three shots of tequila to a woman who had parasites.

我听说有个医生给身上有寄生虫的女子开了三杯龙舌兰酒

I have never wanted parasites more in my life you guys.

真希望我身上也长满寄生虫啊

I don't know if tequila kills the parasites or, after three shots, you don't know what you have anymore.

不知道是龙舌兰酒能杀死寄生虫 还是说三杯过后 你已经不知道自己身上长了什么

Hello, little fella! If you can-- I don't know.

你好啊 小伙计 要是能 我不知道

Can you see parasites? I don't know.

肉眼能看到寄生虫吗？不知道

Studies are constantly contradicting themselves.

现在的研究总是自相矛盾

Running is great for cardio. But then it's bad for your knees.

跑步是很好的有氧运动 但它又会损伤膝盖

Calcium is great for your bones. But too much hurts your kidneys.

钙对骨骼很有好处 但吃多了又会伤肾

Drinking coffee will make you live longer. But too much keeps you up.

喝咖啡能让人更长寿 但喝多了又会失眠

So you need to take melatonin to sleep.

得吃褪黑素才能睡着

But then how long do you have to sleep, they say?

那你需要睡多久呢？

What's good for you? 8 hours, 10 hours?

多长时间是最好的？8小时 10小时？

I hear some men sleep 22 hours.

我听说有的男人能睡22小时

And then they send the women out to do the hunting.

让女人出去打猎

I'm thinking of lions. I'm sorry.

我想成狮子了 不好意思

But the remake of The Lion King looks good.

不过新版的《狮子王》看起来很不错

Anyway, smoking, of course, smoking is bad for you.

总之呢 抽烟 当然了 抽烟有害健康

You don't need a study to know that, although my wife is still smoking-- hot!

这个不需要做研究就能知道 虽然我妻子仍然在抽——性感

Ah-ha! See what I did? See what I did? Thank you.

啊哈 懂了吗？懂了吗？谢谢

Three more years of that.

未来三年精彩不断哦

Who likes butter? Is it good for you? I don't know.

谁喜欢黄油？它对身体有好处吗？我不知道

Some studies blame butter for obesity and heart disease.

有些研究把肥胖和心脏病归咎于黄油

Others say it helps with good cholesterol.

还有些研究又说它能控制胆固醇

My grandmother used to have a scoop of butter every night after dinner as a treat.

我奶奶以前每晚吃完饭后都会来一勺黄油当点心

She lived to the ripe old age of 30.

她活到了30岁高龄

Everyone thinks that-- Everyone thinks fast food is bad for you?

大家都觉得 大家都觉得快餐不好？

And guess what? It is. And if this is true-- so if alcohol is medicinal.

猜一下 确实是不好 如果真是这样 如果酒精能当药用

Laughter is the best medicine.

大笑就是最好的药物

And if you want to be the healthiest you can be, you want to be the envy of all your friends,

如果你想身体倍儿棒 想成为所有朋友羡慕的对象

you want to live forever, all you have to do is drink tequila and watch my show.

想要健康长寿 你只需要喝着龙舌兰酒看我的节目就够了