So what does it mean to be a woman?
身为女性是什么意思？
We all have XX chromosomes, right? Actually, that's not true. Some women are mosaics.
我们都有XX染色体，对吧？其实，并不是如此。有些女性像是马赛克拼花。
They have a mix of chromosome types with X, with XY or with XXX.
她们的染色体类型是有X、XY或XXX的混合型态。
If it's not just about our chromosomes, then what is being a woman about?
如果身为女性的重点并不只在染色体，那是什么？
Being feminine? Getting married? Having kids?
女性化？结婚？生子？
You don't have to look far to find fantastic exceptions to these rules,
这些规则都有例外，且并不难找，
but we all share something that makes us women. Maybe that something is in our brains.
但某些共通性形塑我们成为女人。也许那种共通性存在我们的大脑中。
You might have heard theories from last century about how men are better at math than women because they have bigger brains.
你可能有听过上个世纪所提的男性比女性更擅长数学的理论，因为男性的大脑比较大。
These theories have been debunked.
这些理论已经被推翻。
The average man has a brain about three times smaller than the average elephant,
男人的脑袋比大象的脑袋小约三倍，
but that doesn't mean the average man is three times dumber than an elephant ... or does it?
但那并不表示一般男人比大象笨三倍…… 或确实是如此呢？
There's a new wave of female neuroscientists that are finding
新一波的女性神经科学家正研究出
important differences between female and male brains in neuron connectivity, in brain structure, in brain activity.
女性和男性的大脑间在神经元的连接上、大脑结构上和大脑活动上的重大差异。
They're finding that the brain is like a patchwork mosaic -- a mixture.
她们发现，大脑就像拼布镶嵌图一样--是种混合体。
Women have mostly female patches and a few male patches.
女性具有大部分的女性嵌块体和一些的男性嵌块体。
With all this new data, what does it mean to be a woman?
有了这些新数据，身为女性的意义是什么？
This is something that I've been thinking about almost my entire life.
我几乎一生都在想这个问题。
When people learn that I'm a woman who happens to be transgender,
人们发现我正好是跨性别的女性时，
they always ask, "How do you know you're a woman?"
他们总是会问：“你怎么知道你是女性？”
As a scientist, I'm searching for a biological basis of gender.
身为科学家，我在寻找的是性别的生物基础。
I want to understand what makes me me.
我想要知道是什么形塑了如今的我。
New discoveries at the front edge of science are shedding light on the biomarkers that define gender.
科学前端的新发现，为性别生物标记的领域开启了曙光。
My colleagues and I in genetics, neuroscience, physiology and psychology,
我的同事和我研究遗传学、神经科学、生理学和心理学，
we're trying to figure out exactly how gender works.
我们试图了解性别是如何运作的。
These vastly different fields share a common connection -- epigenetics.
这些迥异的领域有一个共同的连结--表观遗传学。
In epigenetics, we're studying how DNA activity can actually radically and permanently change,
在表观遗传学中，我们研究的是DNA的活动如何产生彻底、永久的改变，
even though the sequence stays the same.
即使它的序列维持不变。
DNA is the long, string-like molecule that winds up inside our cells.
DNA是缠绕在我们细胞里面的长型线状分子。
There's so much DNA that it actually gets tangled into these knot-like things -- we'll just call them knots.
DNA的数量如此众多，以致像打结似地缠绕着--我们就直接称为结。
So external factors change how those DNA knots are formed.
外部因子会改变这些DNA结的形成方式。
You can think of it like this:
你可以这样想：
inside our cells, there's different contraptions building things,
在我们的细胞中，有不同的新奇装置在建构东西、
connecting circuits, doing all the things they need to make life happen.
连接线路、执行维持生命运作所需的工作。
Here's one that's sort of reading the DNA and making RNA.
这个是在读取DNA并制造RNA。
And then this one is carrying a huge sac of neurotransmitters from one end of the brain cell to the other.
而这个是将一个大型的神经传递质，从大脑细胞的一端带到另一端。
Don't they get hazard pay for this kind of work?
它们做这种工作没领安全津贴吗？
This one is an entire molecular factory -- some say it's the secret to life.
这个是完整的分子工厂--有些人说，它是生命的秘密。
It's call the ribosome. I've been studying this since 2001.
它叫做核醣体。我从2001年起就在研究这些。
One of the stunning things about our cells is that the components inside them are actually biodegradable.
我们的细胞其中一项让人吃惊的特性就是它们内部的组件是可行生物分解的。
They dissolve, and then they're rebuilt each day,
它们会溶解，每天又会再重建，
kind of like a traveling carnival where the rides are taken down and then rebuilt every single day.
有一点像巡回的游乐场，游乐设施每天都会拆下来、又重新搭建起来。
A big difference between our cells and the traveling carnival is that in the carnival,
我们的细胞和游乐场最大的差别是在游乐场中，
there are skilled craftsmen that rebuild the rides each day.
有技术精良的工匠负责每天的重建工作。
In our cells, there are no such skilled craftsmen,
在我们的细胞中，没有这种工匠，
only dumb builder machines that build whatever's written in the plans, no matter what those plans say.
只有傻呼呼的建造机器，计划写什么，它们就建什么，不管那些计划说的是什么。
Those plans are the DNA. The instructions for every nook and cranny inside our cells.
那些计划就是DNA。在细胞内部有着巨细靡遗的指示。
If everything in, say, our brain cells dissolves almost every day,
以我们的脑细胞为例，如果里面的一切几乎每天都会溶解，
then how can the brain remember anything past one day? That's where DNA comes in.
那大脑怎么可能记得前一天的任何事？那就是DNA上场的时候了。
DNA is one of the those things that does not dissolve.
DNA是不会溶解的东西之一。
But for DNA to remember that something happened, it has to change somehow.
但若要DNA记住发生过什么事，它就得做某种改变。
We know the change can't be in the sequence;
我们知道改变并不在序列中；
if it changed sequence all the time, then we might be growing like, a new ear or a new eyeball every single day.
如果它随时在改变序列，那我们每天可能会长出一个新耳朵或一颗新眼球。
So, instead it changes shape, and that's where those DNA knots come in.
所以，它就改变自己的形状，这就是DNA结发挥作用的时候了。
You can think of them like DNA memory.
你可以把它们想成是DNA记忆。
When something big in our life happens, like a traumatic childhood event, stress hormones flood our brain.
当我们的人生中发生重大的事，比如童年创伤事件，应激激素就会涌入我们的大脑。
The stress hormones don't affect the sequence of DNA, but they do change the shape.
应激激素不会影响DNA序列，但会改变它们的形状。
They affect that part of DNA with the instructions for molecular machines that reduce stress.
它们通过指示减压分子机器的启动，影响那个部分的DNA。
That piece of DNA gets wound up into a knot,
那一段的DNA会绕成一个结，
and now the dumb builder machines can't read the plans they need to build the machines that reduce stress.
所以，傻呼呼的建造机器就无法读到它们需要建立减压机器的计划了。
That's a mouthful, but it's what's happening on the microscale.
听起来很冗长，但在微观世界的状况就是这样。
On the macroscale, you practically lose the ability to deal with stress, and that's bad.
宏观上，你可能就会失去处理压力的能力，那不是好事。
And that's how DNA can remember what happens in the past.
那就是DNA记住过去发生了什么事的方式。
This is what I think was happening to me when I first started my gender transition.
我认为这就是我刚开始做性别转变时发生的情况。
I knew I was a woman on the inside, and I wore women's clothes on the outside,
我知道我内在是位女性，外在会穿着女性的服饰，
but everyone saw me as a man in a dress.
但大家看到的都是一位穿着女装的男人。
I felt like no matter how many things I try, no one would ever really see me as a woman.
我觉得，不论我做多少尝试，都不会有人把我当作女性来看待。
In science, your credibility is everything, and people were snickering in the hallways,
在科学界，可信度凌驾一切，而大家会在走廊上窃笑，
giving me stares, looks of disgust -- afraid to be near me.
盯着我看，做出嫌恶的表情--害怕靠近我。

I remember my first big talk after transition. It was in Italy.
我记得我变性之后的第一场大型演讲。地点在意大利。
I'd given prestigious talks before, but this one, I was terrified.
我之前做过不少颇具盛誉的演讲，但这次我害怕极了。
I looked out into the audience, and the whispers started -- the stares, the smirks, the chuckles.
我看向观众，开始有人耳语--还有人盯着看，有假笑、有窃笑。
To this day, I still have social anxiety around my experience eight years ago.
至今，我仍因八年前的这段经验而患有社交恐惧症。
I lost hope. Don't worry, I've had therapy so I'm OK -- I'm OK now.
我失去了希望。别担心，我有接受治疗，所以我没事--我现在没事了。
But I felt enough is enough: I'm a scientist, I have a doctorate in astrophysics,
但我受够了，该适可而止了：我是科学家，我有天体物理学博士学位，
I've published in the top journals, in wave-particle interactions, space physics, nucleic acid biochemistry.
在顶尖期刊中发表过文章，研究领域包括波粒子交互作用、太空物理、核酸生物化学。
I've actually been trained to get to the bottom of things, so I went online.
我受的专业训练是要追根究底，所以我上了网络。
So I went online, and I found fascinating research papers.
我上网，找到了很棒的研究论文。
I learned that these DNA knot things are not always bad.
我发现这些DNA结并不一定都是不好的。
Actually, the knotting and unknotting -- it's like a complicated computer language.
其实，形成结和解开结--就像是一种复杂的计算机语言。
It programs our bodies with exquisite precision.
它以细致的精确度在我们体内运作。
So when we get pregnant, our fertilized eggs grow into newborn babies.
所以当我们怀孕时，受精的卵子会长成新生儿。
This process requires thousands of DNA decisions to happen.
这个过程需要数千个DNA决策才能完成。
Should an embryo cell become a blood cell? A heart cell? A brain cell?
这个胚胎细胞应该变成血液细胞吗？或是心脏细胞？脑细胞？
And the decisions happen at different times during pregnancy.
这些决策发生在怀孕的不同时期。
Some in the first trimester, some in the second trimester and some in the third trimester.
有些是在前三个月，有些是在四到六个月，有些则在七到九个月。
To truly understand DNA decision-making, we need to see the process of knot formation in atomic detail.
若要真正了解DNA的决策方式，我们需要从原子细节去了解结形成的过程。
Even the most powerful microscopes can't see this.
就连最强大的显微镜也看不到。
What if we tried to simulate these on a computer?
如果我们尝试用计算机来做仿真呢？
For that we'd need a million computers to do that.
我们需要一百万台计算机才办得到。
That's exactly what we have at Los Alamos Labs -- a million computers connected in a giant warehouse.
我们在洛斯阿拉莫斯国家实验室正好就有--在一间巨型的仓库中，有一百万台计算机链接在一起。
So here we're showing the DNA making up an entire gene folded into very specific shapes of knots.
这里，我们展示的是构成完整基因的DNA所形成特定形状的结。
For the first time, my team has simulated an entire gene of DNA
这是第一次，我的团队模拟出了整个基因的DNA，
the largest biomolecular simulation performed to date.
这是至今进行过最大的生物分子模拟。
For the first time, we're beginning to understand the unsolved problem of how hormones trigger the formation of these knots.
这是第一次，我们解开了荷尔蒙如何触发形成这些结的谜团。
DNA knot formation can be seen beautifully in calico cats.
DNA结的形态在花斑猫的身上完美展现出表征。
The decision between orange and black happens early on in the womb, so that orange-and-black patchy pattern,
初期在子宫内，橘色和黑色的选择已然定调，所以那橘黑相间的花样，
it's an exact readout of what happened when that cat was just a tiny little kitten embryo inside her mom's womb.
正是精确地演绎出小猫在母猫子宫的胚胎时所定调的事而已。
And the patchy pattern actually happens in our brains and in cancer.
在我们的大脑以及癌症上，也会看到花样模式的情况。
It's directly related to intellectual disability and breast cancer.
它和智能障碍及乳癌有直接的关系。
These DNA decisions also happen in other parts of the body.
这些DNA决策也发生在身体的其他部分。
It turns out that the precursor genitals transform into either female or male during the first trimester of pregnancy.
结果发现，在怀孕的前三个月，前驱生殖器会转变成女性或男性。
The precursor brains, on the other hand, transform into female or male during the second trimester of pregnancy.
另一方面，前驱大脑是在怀孕的四到六个月才会转变成女性或男性。
So the current working model is that a unique mix in my mom's womb caused the precursor genitals to transform one way,
所以，目前的工作模型是：在我母亲子宫中的独特组合机制，造成前驱生殖器以一种方式转变性别，
but the precursor brain to transform the other way.
但前驱大脑则以另一种方式转变性别。
Most of epigenetic research has really focused on stress, anxiety, depression
大部分的表观遗传学研究都把焦点放在压力、焦虑、忧郁，
kind of a downer, kind of bad things.
蛮扫兴的，都是坏事。
But nowadays -- the latest stuff -- people are looking at relaxation.
但现今，最新的东西--大家在思考的是放松。
Can that have a positive effect on your DNA?
放松对于你的DNA会有正面的影响吗？
Right now we're missing key data from mice models.
现在，我们的老鼠模型还缺少了关键性的资料。
We know that mice relax, but could they meditate like the Dalai Lama? Achieve enlightenment?
我们知道老鼠会放松，但它们能像达赖喇嘛那样冥想吗？得到启发？
Could they move stones with their mind like Jedi Master Yoda?
它们能像绝地武士尤达那样用念力移动石头吗？
Hm, a Jedi mouse must feel the force flow, hm.
嗯，绝地老鼠必须要感受到原力的流动，嗯。
I wonder if the support I've had since that talk back in Italy has tried to unwind my DNA.
我想知道，从意大利的那次演说之后，我所得到的支持是否在试着解开我的DNA。
Having a great circle of friends, supportive parents and being in a loving relationship
很棒的朋友圈、很支持的双亲，且沉浸在爱情之中，
has actually given me strength and hope to help others.
已经给了我力量与希望去帮助他人。
At work I wear a rainbow bracelet. Sometimes it raises eyebrows, but it also raises awareness.
工作时我会戴着彩虹手环。有时它会引人注目，但它也会增强意识。
There's so many transgender people -- especially women of color
有好多变性人--特别是有色人种的女性，
that are just one demeaning comment away from taking their own lives.
仅一次贬低的诋毁，就可能让她们自杀。
Forty percent of us attempt suicide.
我们当中有四成的人尝试过自杀。
If you're listening and you feel like you have no other option,
如果你在听，且你觉得别无选择，
try to call a friend, go online or try to get in a support group.
试着打电话给一个朋友，上网或是去寻求支持团体。
If you're a woman who's not transgender but you know pain of isolation, of sexual assault -- reach out.
如果你是女性，不是变性人但知道孤立的痛苦，知道性侵的痛苦--请向外求援。
So what does it mean to be a woman?
所以，身为女性是什么意思？
The latest research is showing that female and male brains do develop differently in the womb,
最新的研究显示，女性和男性的大脑在子宫内发展的方式确实不同，
possibly giving us females this innate sense of being a woman.
可能会给予我们女性这种从内心就觉得自己是女人的感受。
On the other hand, maybe it's our shared sense of commonality that makes us women.
另一方面，也许是我们共有的共通感让我们成为女性。
We come in so many different shapes and sizes that asking what it means to be a woman may not be the right question.
我们有各种体型、尺寸，“身为女性是什么意思”可能不是个正确的问题。
It's like asking a calico cat what it means to be a calico cat.
这就像是问花斑猫，身为花斑猫是什么意思。
Maybe becoming a woman means accepting ourselves for who we really are and acknowledging the same in each other.
也许，变成女性就表示接受我们真实的自己，并认可彼此的共同性。
I see you. And you've just seen me.
我看见你们。你们也看见了我。