American parenting really changed in the 1990s.

美国父母对子女的教育方式在20世纪90年代发生了很大的变化

When I'm talking about the book I go around the country,

我在聊这本书的时候 去了全国各地

I ask audiences: At what age were you let out?

我会问听众们：你多大的时候可以出去玩？

At what age could you go outside and play with your friends with no adults supervising?

你多大的时候可以自己出去跟朋友玩 不需要大人监督？

And I say, "Only people over 40 what's your answer? Call it out."

我说“40岁以上的人请给出你们的答案？喊出来”

And it's: "Five, seven, eight, six, five, seven!" It's always five to eight.

他们的回答是“5岁 7岁 8岁 6岁 5岁 7岁” 都在5到8岁之间

That's what we always did — between five and eight kids could go outside without an adult.

那时的父母就是这样——5岁到8岁的孩子就可以自己单独出去玩了

They would get in arguments, they would play games, they would make rules, they were independent;

他们可能会跟小朋友吵架 会玩游戏 自己制定规则 他们很独立；

they got years and years of practicing independence.

他们有很多年去练习独立

Then I say: "Just people under 25 what year were you let out?" "12, 14, 13, 16!"

然后我又问“25岁以下的人 你们几岁可以出去玩？” “12 14 13 16”

Nobody says ten or younger.

没有小于等于10岁的答案

In the 1990s, as the crime rate was plummeting, as American life was getting safer and safer,

20世纪90年代 那时的犯罪率直线下降 美国人的生活越来越安全可靠

Americans freaked out and thought that if they take their eyes off their children the children will be abducted.

美国人常常担惊受怕 生怕一不留神他们的孩子就会被拐跑

Now this goes back — the fear was stoked by cable TV in the 1980s,

现在这种感觉又回来了——这种恐惧源于20世纪80年代的有线电视

there were a few high profile of abductions,

当时对诱拐绑架有很多宣传

but it's not until the 1990s that we really start locking kids up

但直到20世纪90年代 我们才真正开始把孩子拴在身边

and saying you cannot be outside until you're 14 or 15.

并且告诉他们 到了十四五岁你才能自己出去玩

We took this essential period of childhood, from about eight to 12,

我们夺走了童年这段很重要的时期 大概是8到12岁

when kids throughout history have practiced independence,

纵观历史 孩子会在这个阶段尝试独立

have gotten into adventures, have made rafts and floated down the Mississippi River —

他们会去冒险 去做皮筏沿着密西西比河顺流而下——

we took that period and said you don't get to practice independence until it's too late, until that period is over.

我们剥夺了这段时期 并且告诉他们不能独立 直到为时已晚 直到这个阶段彻底结束

Now, a couple years before you go to college, now you can go outside.

现在 还有几年就要上大学了 你可以自己出去玩了

"Okay, go off to college." And a lot of them are not ready.

“好 去上大学吧” 但他们很多人都还没准备好

They're just not used to being independent.

他们不习惯自力更生

When they get to college they need more help, they're asking adults for more help.

等他们上了大学 会需要更多帮助 他们会向成年人寻求更多帮助

"Protect me from this. Punish him for saying that. Protect me from that book."

“帮我挡一下这个 他说了坏话 帮我惩罚他 帮我学习这本书”

There's a very sharp change with kids who were born in 1995 and afterwards — surprisingly sharp.

1995年及以后出生的孩子有很大的变化——天壤之别

Jean Twenge in her book iGen analyzes surveys of behavior of time use and beginning with kids born in 1995,

珍·温格在她的《iGen》一书中分析了关于时间利用的调查 从1995年出生的孩子开始

they spend a lot less time going out with friends,

他们花在与朋友约会上的时间要少很多

they don't get a drivers license as often, they don't drink as much,

考驾照的人少了 饮酒量下降了

they don't go out on dates, they don't work for money as much.

他们不出去约会 也不为了钱去工作

What are they doing?

那他们都做些什么呢？

They're spending a lot more time sitting on their beds with their devices interacting that way.

他们大部分时间都躺在床上用手机联系

These are the first kids who got social media when they were 13, roughly.

这是第一批大约在13岁遇上社交媒体的孩子

They were subjected to much more anti-bullying content in their schools,

他们在学校接受了更多反霸凌教育

much more adult supervision, they were raised in the years after 9/11,

接受了更多成人监督 在9/11事件以后长大

they were given much less recess and free play

他们休息和玩耍的时间少了很多

with no child left behind, there was much more testing pushed down into earlier grades.

为了不落下一个孩子 他们在小学阶段就要接受更多测验

We don't know if this is for sure the reason,

我们不确定这是否就是原因

but they seem to have more difficulty working out problems on their own.

但他们似乎更不擅长独立解决问题

The most common thing I hear is that members of Gen Z,

我最常听到的就是Gen Z的成员

if they overhear a joke, if they overhear someone say something,

如果他们无意间听到一个笑话 或者不小心听到别人说了某些话

they'll get offended and then they'll go straight to HR,

他们会觉得被冒犯了 会去找人力资源

they go straight to somebody to file a complaint,

他们会直接提交投诉

where previous generations would have either just shaken it off or just said "jerk" or "asshole" or whatever.

而以前的人可能只会淡然一笑 或者骂一句“混蛋”或“蠢货”就算了

I think there are a couple of things we can say.

我觉得有几点我们可以说说

One is you have to take charge of device use and social media.

一是你必须要控制手机使用和社交媒体

We don't know for sure but it looks like a two-hour limit per day is probably a good idea;

我们并不确定 但每天控制在两小时听起来还不错

keeping kids off of social media as long as possible is a good idea.

尽量让孩子远离社交媒体是个好主意

It's very hard to do this as one parent when your kid's friends are not limited.

作为父母 如果你孩子的朋友没被限制 那你就很难做到这一点

So you've got to talk to your kid's friends and all have a common front,

所以你得找孩子的朋友谈谈 要统一战线

all have a common policy then go to the schools.

要制定共同的规则 然后去上学

Schools can solve these problems collectively in ways that individual parents cannot.

学校能以单个父母无法做到的方式集中解决这些问题

Outside of school go to Letgrow.org, an organization,

放学以后就去Letgrow.org 一个组织

a wonderful new organization started by Lenore Skenazy who wrote the book Free-range Kids.

是由Lenore Skenazy发起的特别棒的新组织 她是《Free-range Kids》这本书的作者

She became famous as America's worst mom because in 2009 she let her nine-year-old son ride the New York City subway.

2009年 她让自己9岁的儿子乘坐了纽约地铁 由此 她成为了美国最差的母亲

Not only did he survive, he was thrilled.

但她儿子不仅做到了 而且还特别兴奋

He felt he learned something.

他觉得自己学到了东西

He felt he could go out into the world.

他感觉自己可以去探索世界了

Give childhood back to kids so that they do what they most need to do,

把童年还给孩子 让他们去做最需要做的事

which is develop the skills of being an independent adult.

那就是培养成为一名独立的成年人的技能

Remember that the job of a parent is to work him or herself out of a job.

记住 父母的任务就是让自己无需再为人父母