Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.
女士们先生们 谢谢大家
Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you had a good weekend.
希望大家都度过了一个愉快的周末
We have a big show for you tonight, Sacha Baron Cohen and John Leguizamo are here.
今天晚上的节目非常精彩 我们邀请到了沙查·巴隆·科恩和约翰·雷吉扎莫
It's going to be a good one but first, the last few days have been huge ones in the world of record-breaking.
相信今天的节目会很精彩 但我们先聊聊别的 这几天的世界纪录破的很是频繁
There was one big story. And this is really incredible.
这里有条非常令人难以置信的新闻
One record was broken in the hundred meter dash when a woman achieved the fastest every time for someone of her age which was 100 years old.
女子百米短跑的记录被一位100岁的女性打破了
It was incredible, I know.
真的很难以置信是吧
She was quoted as saying that she did this with Jesus as my coach.
她还说 她能做到是因为耶稣是她的教练
Yeah. Which begs the question, is it okay to pour Gatorade over Jesus' head?
嗯 那么问题来了 往耶稣头上倒佳得乐庆祝可以吗
Is that all right? But, I feel like it's probably pretty easy for a 100 year old to set records.
可以吗 但我又想 对一个百岁老人来说 破纪录可能并没有那么难
Do you know what I mean? They can pretty much do anything,
你们明白我意思吗 他们其实还有很多记录可以破
they're like boom, I'm the first hundred year old to eat a hot dog while riding in a golf cart.
比如 我是第一个坐着高尔夫球车 吃着热狗的百岁老人
Boom. First hundred year old to hop on one foot in the state of Arizona. Thank you.
我是第一个在亚利桑那州单脚跳的百岁老人 谢谢

In other record-breaking news, a Maryland man is trying to break the world record for popping the longest wheelie on his bicycle.
还有些其他的关于打破记录的新闻 一位马里兰男子打破了自行车前轮离地行驶的最远记录
He's going to hold a wheelie for 16 miles, right?
他将保持自行车前轮离地 并以这种状态行驶16英里
This is-that's him there.
这个——就是这位
Riding on what I have to believe is the bicycle he got to keep in the divorce.
骑着这辆我估计将来离婚的时候都得带着的自行车
We're teasing him. But this is incredibly impressive to every middle school boy in the neighborhood.
开个玩笑 但对于隔壁家的中学生来讲 印象一定足够深刻
Except his son. His son is really embarrassed.
除了他自己的儿子 他的儿子觉得很尴尬
I want to stress the point, this is on a bicycle, if this man was on a motorcycle, coolest record ever.
我想强调一下 这是一辆自行车 如果他骑的是摩托车 那一定是历史上最酷的记录了
But when you see a 53 year old man popping a wheelie on a bicycle, you just assume he got a DUI.
但如果你在路上看到一个53岁的男的骑着自行车 前轮翘起往前骑 你只会想他是不是喝多了
I actually think this guy is brave.
其实我觉得这个人挺勇敢的
Like people will tell you you're not supposed to be doing stuff now, that you thought was cool when you were nine years old
因为如果你现在在去做那些自己九岁时觉得很酷的事 大家一定会跟你说这不是你这个年纪该做的事
like popie wheelies or making your action figures have sex with one another.
比如把自行车前轮翘起来往前骑 或者做自己的性爱模型
Which as I told my wife, I'm not going to do that any more.
我也跟我妻子承诺过不会再这么做了
And knock if you're going to come in the room, like.
还有以后进门要先敲门