Now, anybody here thinking of getting your first credit card?
在座有人想办信用卡吗
If you are thinking of getting your first credit card,
如果有的话
you should know there are side effects and these side effects may include
要知道 这是有副作用的 副作用包括
Ballin' outta control at best buy.
在百思买疯狂购物
Ballin' outta control at a second best buy.
在第二家百思买疯狂购物
When the lady at Chipotle says, do you know Guac is extra?
当Chipotle的店员问你 你知道鳄梨酱要单独算钱的吗时
You narrow your eyes and you say, double Guac me then, bro.
你眼睛一眯 说 那给我双倍鳄梨酱
Getting your first bill and paying the minimum payment.
收到第一张账单 还了最低额度
Getting your second bill and noticing a box marked interest for the first time.
收到第二张账单 注意到上面写着 第一次的利息
Throwing your credit card away and pretending none of that ever happened.
扔掉信用卡假装无事发生过

Getting a reminder bill with more interest, plus a past due fee.
收到催还单 利息金额更大 还加上逾期费
And the final side effect of getting your first credit card is moving back in with your parents.
终极副作用就是搬回家和父母一起住
Anyone here thinking of being a friend?
在座有人想成为别人的朋友吗
If you are thinking of being a friend,
如果有的话
you should know there are side effects and the side effects to being a friend are
要知道 这是有副作用的 副作用包括
No one telling you life was going to be this way.
没有人告诉你生活会变成这样
Your job's a joke.
你的工作是个笑话
You're broke.
自己破产
Your love life's D.O.A.
你的爱情见光死
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
好像永远卡在二档
It hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
你的每一天 每一周 每个月 甚至每一年都不是自己的
And the final side effect to being a friend is jumping in a fountain for no reason.
做别人朋友的终极副作用就是 某天无缘无故的跳进喷泉里
Anyone here, anyone here ever the first one to a party?
在座有人想第一个到达聚会场所吗
You ever think of being the first one to a party?
你想第一个到达聚会场所吗
If you are thinking of being the first one to a party,
如果有的话
you should know there are side effects and those side effects may include
要知道 这是有副作用的 副作用包括
Having to talk to Roger the host, who you don't even know.
不得不跟主持人罗杰搭话 而你根本不认识他
Trying to figure out how you know Roger.
拼命回想你是怎么认识罗杰的
Or is it Robert? I'll just call him dude.
还是罗伯特 就叫他兄弟好了
Having a 30 minute conversation with dude and still not knowing how you know him.
跟这位兄弟聊了30分钟还是不知道你是怎么认识他的
More people arrive, all of whom know dude.
来的人更多了 他们都认识这位兄弟
Grabbing some salmon pate, and locking eyes with him.
拿三文鱼派 眼睛一直盯着他
Remembering.
想起来了
You were both in college, drunk and just experimenting.
你们一起上的大学 一起喝醉过 还一起做过实验
And the final side effect of being the first one to a party is wishing everyone could go home so it can just be you and Roger.
终极副作用就是希望大家都赶紧回家 那样就只剩下你和罗杰了
It's definitely Roger.
你很肯定他就叫罗杰
Now, this is one you will all certainly relate to this one.
下面这个肯定跟你们都有关
Anyone thinking of trying to get free stuff by mentioning it on a television show you host.
在座有人梦想着通过做主持人在电视上给某样产品打广告的方式获得免费产品吗
If you think you're getting free stuff by mentioning it on a television show you host,
如果有的话
you should know there are side effects and those side effects may include
要知道 这是有副作用的 副作用包括
Desperately craving the refreshing kick of stumptown cold brew coffee,
疯狂渴望着斯邓姆顿咖啡馆赶紧上新
whether I'm just starting my day, or simply needing a pick-me-up during that after lunch lull.
不管是一天刚开始 还是午休过后
Getting lost in a daydream thinking about delicious shake shack cheeseburgers.
天天做白日梦 梦想着吃奶昔小屋的汉堡
With natural ingredients, delicious sides and just a little bit of that shake shack magic.
里面用纯天然的原料 美味的小食 再加上一点奶昔小屋的魔法
It's where burger lovers go when they want a burger they'll love.
喜欢汉堡的人想吃的时候都可以去那里
Staring out the window as a brand new Ferrari 458 glides over the street.
一辆崭新的法拉利458驶过窗外时你会紧紧盯着它
It looks cutting edge and eternal at the same time.
看起来时尚又经典
Who is that driving it?
是谁在开
A movie star? An heiress? An international man of mystery?
影星 富二代 还是某个国际知名的神秘人士
The mind wanders, but it's too late, the brand new Ferrari 458 is gone.
思绪飘远了 却已经晚了 那辆崭新的法拉利458已经开走了
Blink and you might miss it—But was it all just a wonderful dream?
一眨眼就错过了——那是一场美妙的梦吗
And the final side effect of trying to get free stuff by mentioning on a television show you host is getting sent sandwiches from subway!
终极副作用就是 还是得买地下铁的三明治