Thank you very much!
谢谢你们
Ladies and gentlemen, as I'm sure a lot of you know, Coachella was this weekend,
女士们先生们 我相信你们中很多人已经知道了 本周末就是科切拉音乐节了
and if you don't know what Coachella is, it's a festival where everyone goes to the desert and takes selfies.
可能你们有人不知道科切拉是什么 它就是一个节日 在这一天 大家可以一起去沙漠自拍
There also might be music or something. I don't really know.
可能还会有音乐啊什么的 我也不确定
But yesterday was also tax day, right,
但昨天刚好也是纳税日
and there have been reports from Coachella that concert-goers tried to file their taxes from a makeshift post office at the festival.
据报道 有些参加音乐会的人试图在附近的临时邮局报税
I mean who would have thought that these guys would have waited until the very last moment to file their taxes?
我想说 谁会知道 这些人居然会等到最后一刻才去报税呢
Seriously though, who's heading out to Coachella, like,
说真的 想想一下某个人要去参加音乐节了
OK, I got my glow sticks, my sunglasses, my 1095-c proof of insurance form, let's do this!
荧光棒带了 太阳眼镜带了 我1095-c的保险单也带了 出发
The craziest part of this story is I didn't know you had to pay taxes on money your parents gave you.
最可怕的是 居然连你家里人给你的零花钱都要胶水
You know who I really feel sorry for is the bands
还有我特别同情的就是乐队
because how badly does a band have to suck for people in the audience to go, you know, I better go do my taxes.
一支乐队得有多差才会让他的听众听着听着说 走吧我要去交税了
These festivals have really gotten away from what festivals used to be about.
这些音乐节跟我们传统的节日太不一样了

It feels like most people aren't even going for the music, they're just going to be seen there.
感觉大部分人并不是为了音乐节去的 而是为了让别人知道自己去过
Because there are reports of people spending up to $20,000 on fashion accessories and liposuction just to go to Coachella.
因为我看见有报道说 有人花了两万刀买配饰 还做了吸脂手术 就为了去科切拉音乐节
I have to say, this is the most LA thing that could happen at a music festival.
不得不说 这是音乐节史上最洛杉矶风格的事了
People would be like how was Coachella? Oh, I looked great!
有人问 音乐节怎么样啊 我看起来特别美
You don't need to get liposuction to feel good about yourself at Coachella.
其实你根本不需要为了让自己在音乐节上看起来漂亮就去做吸脂手术
Just do what everybody else is doing to feel better about themselves—drugs.
就看着别人做什么自己做什么就好 也就是吸大麻
Someone went out on a limb there drugwise.
有人跑去那里就是为了吸口大麻
Yeah, I mean I don't know what you're talking about.
我不是很明白你们说的什么
Getting old seemed to be a theme at Coachella this year, and it doesn't get older than Bernie Sanders.
变老似乎是今年科切拉音乐节的一个主题 不过这个音乐节并没有伯尼·桑德斯
Because Bernie Sanders appeared on a Jumbotron to introduce rap group run the jewels.
伯尼桑德斯今年出现在了音乐节的大荧幕上 给大家介绍了说唱乐队珠宝猎手
Hi, everybody. This is Bernie Sanders.
大家好 我是伯尼·桑德斯
One of the highlights of running for president over the last year is getting to know Killer Mike.
是去年总统候选人之一 我结识了杀手麦克
So without further adieu, I'd like to introduce my friends, run the jewels.
话不多说 我想跟大家介绍珠宝猎手乐队
Wow. I am pretty sure we can now pinpoint the exact moment when hip hop stopped being cool.
哇 我很确定 就是从这一刻开始 说唱变得的一点也不炫酷了
I mean, nothing gets a crowd fired up for hip hop like a 70-year-old Jewish guy.
没有什么比一个70岁的犹太老头更能让说唱爱好者们火冒三丈了
But this is actually interesting: Bernie is the oldest person to appear at Coachella.
但有趣的是 伯尼·桑德斯居然是出现在科切拉年纪最大的人
Well, he was, until ten minutes later when Guns N' Roses took the stage.
应该是他曾经是年纪最大的 枪炮玫瑰出现后他就不是了
Have you seen Bernie and Killer Mike together?
你见过伯尼和杀手麦克同框的照片吗
We've got a photo here. Look at that. Look at that photo!
我们这里有张照片 看看
I love that Killer Mike and Bernie Sanders are friends.
他们两个是朋友 真是太好了
It's like when you see those cute pictures of unlikely animal friendships on Facebook.
感觉就像是在脸书上看见两个互为天敌的动物在一起
There you go! There they are!
看 比如这个