Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure many of you know the NCAA tournament ended last night in dramatic fashion.
女士们先生们 你们大部分人一定知道美国大学生篮球联赛昨晚在一片狂欢中落幕
Did you see this? When Kris Jenkins of Villanova scored the game-winning shot at the buzzer. Take a look.
你们看了吗 来自维诺瓦大学的克里斯·詹金斯投出了一个压哨球 一起来看
It was amazing. It was an incredible moment in the tournament, it was so incredible.
这个球太精彩了 真的十分震撼 太难得了
The guy who made that shot, Kris Jenkins, he couldn't be reached for comment because he's currently having sex.
而球手克里斯·詹金斯目前还没有记者能采访到他 因为他现在在别人床上呢
I mean, he has to be!
想想就知道啊
But I want to say as someone who grew up in love with the great state of Villanova, this is very exciting for me.
我想说 作为一个越来越喜欢维诺瓦州的人 我真的特别开心
I'm kidding. I know Villanova is in the state of Philadelphia.
开玩笑的 我知道维诺瓦在费城 费城才是州名
Seriously, this championship was crazy.
说真的 这个冠军真的让人意想不到

The last time Philadelphia saw a basketball game this dramatic,
上一次费城有这么激烈的篮球赛的时候
Will Smith got sent to live with his auntie and uncle in bel air.
还是威尔·史密斯被送去贝尔艾尔跟他叔叔阿姨一起住的时候
But there's a lot of sports in the news today.
今天还有很多别的体育类的新闻
Surprisingly, the social media platform twitter has just signed a historic deal with the NFL
有个令人惊喜的消息 推特跟美国橄榄球联盟签定合同
to live stream Thursday night football games this coming season.
将会在周四晚上对本季橄榄球赛进行直播 这有极大的历史意义
Before this the only thing twitter ever live streamed was Kanye's meltdowns.
因为在此之前 推特唯一直播过的是侃爷的崩溃瞬间
But we actually have a leak of an early tweet of your dad trying to figure out how to watch a football game on twitter.
另外 现在我们就可以告诉你 当你爸爸试着从推特看橄榄球赛直播时 他会发这么一条推特
Turn on game. Want to watch game.
比赛开始——想看比赛
Delores, can you call Kyle?
德罗丽丝 你给凯尔打个电话吧
He's good with the computer. Hashtag twitter hashtag nachos
他最会摆弄电脑了 带话题 推特 玉米片
But this is really exciting for twitter. But not to be outdone.
话说回来 这是件好事 但也还有背的更好的消息
Facebook will still have a live feed of your ex-girlfriend thriving without you. Don't worry.
脸书会实时直播你的前女友离开你之后过的越来越好 别担心
Meanwhile in the world of baseball, Washington national Bryce Harper,
与此同时 华盛顿国民队的棒球手布莱斯·哈维
received some flak for wearing a hat that says make baseball fun again hat on the opening day:
因为在开幕日戴了一顶写着让棒球再次有趣的帽子而受到抨击
Now the hat is a take on Donald Trump's make America great again hat.
这顶帽子上写的文字来自唐纳德·特朗普帽子上的名言 让美国再次伟大
And what better way to make baseball fun again than by reminding all of your Latino teammates
想想也是 还有什么比戴着这顶时刻提醒你的拉丁裔队友
about how Donald Trump wants to deport them.
特朗普有多想把他们驱逐出境的帽子更能让棒球赛变得有趣的呢
This is fun, it's fun!
有趣 真的有趣
I must say. Personally, I'm new to this country.
我还想说 我个人才搬来美国不就
And if I'm honest, I haven't gotten into baseball yet, I haven't.
老实说 我现在还没有爱上棒球
But watching yesterday, it did make me think that Bryce Harper's got a point,
但是看了昨天的节目 我觉得布莱斯·哈伯提醒了我
and there are ways you can make it more fun. Right?
我们总有办法能让棒球赛变的有趣
So here's our first idea. Make the games five hours shorter.
我于是产生了第一个想法 让每场棒球赛缩短5小时
Right, am I right?
没错吧
You'll still get a good nine hours of baseball. Don't worry.
大家还是可以欣赏9个小时的棒球赛 别担心
Here's another idea: We let Chris Christie play one game a year for every team. Right?
还有就是：让克里斯·克里斯蒂一年给每支球队打一场球
He has to play on a team every year for one game.
每支球队都要
It's a curse for them but a blessing for us because we get to see this every week. Look at that.
对球队来说很残忍 但是在我们看来很好玩 因为这样一来我们就每周都可以看到这个了看
Another idea, I actually quite like how about each team gets to use a horse?
还有个想法 如果每支队伍都在马上打呢
Use it however they want. Points for creativity.
或者别的什么道具也行 这就是创新嘛
And my final suggestion for making baseball fun again
最后还有一个想法
is to make running through the bases really running through the bases,
就是让棒球赛中的跑垒变成真正的跑垒
like first base you have to kiss the first baseman.
比如跑到第一垒的时候亲一垒手一下
Second base, you just cop a feel.
第二垒 摸下二垒手的身体
Third base a little of the old downstairs.
第三垒 本垒打
And home run put the kids to bed. It's grown-up time.
然后回家把孩子放在床上 是睡觉时间了