Who do you want to be? It's a simple question,
你想要成为什么人？这是个很简单的问题，
and whether you know it or not, you're answering it every day through your actions.
不论你是否知道，你每天都通过你的行为在回答这个问题。
This one question will define your professional success more than any other,
比起其他问题，这个问题更能定义你在专业上的成功，
because how you show up and treat people means everything.
因为你以什么样子出现以及如何待人，是最重要的。
Either you lift people up by respecting them, making them feel valued, appreciated and heard,
也许你会通过尊重他人的方式来鼓舞他人，让他们觉得被重视、被赏识、被听见，
or you hold people down by making them feel small, insulted, disregarded or excluded.
也有可能你会贬低他人，让他们觉得自己没价值，被侮辱、被漠视、被排挤。
And who you choose to be means everything.
而你选择要成为什么样的人是最重要的。
I study the effects of incivility on people. What is incivility? It's disrespect or rudeness.
我研究不文明对于人的影响。什么是不文明？不文明就是不尊敬或粗鲁。
It includes a lot of different behaviors, from mocking or belittling someone to teasing people in ways
它包括许多不同的行为，从嘲笑或轻视别人，到用会伤人的方式取笑别人，
that sting to telling offensive jokes to texting in meetings.
到说冒犯的笑话，到在开会时传信息。
And what's uncivil to one person may be absolutely fine to another.
同样的行为，一个人可能觉得不文明，另一个人却觉得没关系。
Take texting while someone's speaking to you.
用交谈时传讯息这个行为为例子。
Some of us may find it rude, others may think it's absolutely civil.
有些人觉得这样很没礼貌，有些人则觉得那完全是文明的行为。
So it really depends. It's all in the eyes of the beholder and whether that person felt disrespected.
所以，真的因人而异。完全是看观者的角度，以及当事人是否感觉到不被尊敬。
We may not mean to make someone feel that way, but when we do, it has consequences.
我们本意可能不是要造成对方有那种感觉，但当我们有意的时候会有后果。
Over 22 years ago, I vividly recall walking into this stuffy hospital room.
至少22年前，我还很清楚记得，我走进医院中一间闷热的房间。
It was heartbreaking to see my dad, this strong, athletic, energetic guy,
我的心碎了，我看见我爸爸，一个强壮、很会运动、充满能量的人，
lying in the bed with electrodes strapped to his bare chest.
躺在病床上，电极贴在他袒露的胸口。
What put him there was work-related stress. For over a decade, he suffered an uncivil boss.
他住院的原因是工作相关的压力。十多年来，他都为一个很不文明的老板工作。
And for me, I thought he was just an outlier at that time.
那时，我以为他只是一个特例。
But just a couple years later, I witnessed and experienced a lot of incivility in my first job out of college.
但几年后，我在大学毕业后的第一份工作中，目击和经历了许多不文明。
I spent a year going to work every day and hearing things from coworkers like,
我有一年的时间，每天去上班，都会听到同事说这样的话：
"Are you an idiot? That's not how it's done," and, "If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask."
“你是白痴吗？不是这样做的。”还有“如果我想听你的意见，我会问。”
So I did the natural thing. I quit, and I went back to grad school to study the effects of this.
所以，我做了很自然的反应。我辞职了，回到研究所去研究这种现象的影响。
There, I met Christine Pearson.
在研究所，我遇到了克里斯廷·皮尔森。
And she had a theory that small, uncivil actions can lead to much bigger problems like aggression and violence.
她有个理论，她认为不文明的小小行为可能会导致很大的问题，比如侵犯和暴力。
We believed that incivility affected performance and the bottom line.
我们相信不文明会影响表现和结果。
So we launched a study, and what we found was eye-opening.
于是，我们进行了一项研究，我们的发现很令人惊异。
We sent a survey to business school alumni working in all different organizations.
我们向在不同组织工作的商学院校友发出问卷。
We asked them to write a few sentences about one experience where they were treated rudely, disrespectfully or insensitively,
我们请他们写下几个句子，描述他们被不礼貌、不尊敬或冷漠对待的经验，
and to answer questions about how they reacted.
并回答一些关于他们如何反应的问题。
One person told us about a boss that made insulting statements like, "That's kindergartner's work,"
有一个人告诉我们，他的老板会说出这样侮辱人的话：“那是幼儿园小孩的工作。”
and another tore up someone's work in front of the entire team.
还有另一个老板会在团队面前直接撕掉某个人的成果。
And what we found is that incivility made people less motivated:
我们发现，不文明会降低人的动力：
66 percent cut back work efforts, 80 percent lost time worrying about what happened, and 12 percent left their job.
66%的人会减少工作投入的努力，80%的人会花时间担心发生的事，12%的人会离职。
And after we published these results, two things happened.
当我们把这些结果发布出来之后，发生了两件事。
One, we got calls from organizations.
第一，我们接到组织打来的电话。
Cisco read about these numbers, took just a few of these and estimated, conservatively,
思科系统看到了这些数据，从中挑选了几项，并做了保守的估计，
that incivility was costing them 12 million dollars a year.
不文明会让他们一年损失1200万美元。
The second thing that happened was, we heard from others in our academic field who said,
发生的另一件事情是，我们听到同在学术领域的人说：
"Well, people are reporting this, but how can you really show it? Does people's performance really suffer?"
“受试者回报了这些信息，但你们要怎么证明？大家的表现真的有受影响吗？”
I was curious about that, too.
我对这一点也很好奇。
With Amir Erez, I compared those that experienced incivility to those that didn't experience incivility.
我和阿米尔·艾瑞兹一起将遇到不文明行为的人和没遇到不文明行为的人做比较。
And what we found is that those that experience incivility do actually function much worse.
我们发现，遇到不文明行为的人表现真的会差很多。
"OK," you may say. "This makes sense. After all, it's natural that their performance suffers."
“好，”你可能会说：“那是合理的。毕竟，他们的表现变糟是很自然的。”
But what about if you're not the one who experiences it? What if you just see or hear it?
但如果你不是亲身经历的当事人呢？如果你只是看到或听到这种事呢？
You're a witness. We wondered if it affected witnesses, too.
你是目击者。我们也想知道目击者会不会被影响。
So we conducted studies where five participants would witness an experimenter act rudely to someone who arrived late to the study.
所以我们做了研究，让五位受试者目击实验者对研究迟到的人做出无礼的行为。
The experimenter said, "What is it with you? You arrive late, you're irresponsible.
实验者说：“你是怎么搞的？你迟到了，你很不负责。
Look at you! How do you expect to hold a job in the real world?"
看看你！你在真实世界怎么可能维持得住一份工作？”
And in another study in a small group, we tested the effects of a peer insulting a group member.
在另一项研究中，对象是一小群人，我们测试的是同行侮辱团体成员的影响。
Now, what we found was really interesting,
我们的发现相当有意思，
because witnesses' performance decreased, too -- and not just marginally, quite significantly.
因为目击者的表现也会下降--不只有一点点下降，是很显著的下降。
Incivility is a bug. It's contagious, and we become carriers of it just by being around it.
不文明就像是病菌。它会感染，我们只要在旁边，就会成为带原者。
And this isn't confined to the workplace.
并且这现象不只发生在工作场所。
We can catch this virus anywhere -- at home, online, in schools and in our communities.
我们在任何地方都能抓到这种病毒--在家、在网络上、在学校、在我们的小区里。
It affects our emotions, our motivation, our performance and how we treat others.
它会影响我们的情绪、我们的动机、我们的表现及我们待人的方式。
It even affects our attention and can take some of our brainpower.
它甚至会影响我们的注意力，还会减低我们的智力。
And this happens not only if we experience incivility or we witness it.
这个现象不仅是在我们经历或目击不文明的行为时会发生。
It can happen even if we just see or read rude words.
就连我们看到或读到不文明的文字时也会发生。
Let me give you an example of what I mean.
让我举个例子说明我的意思。
To test this, we gave people combinations of words to use to make a sentence. But we were very sneaky.
为了测试这个现象，我们给受试者不同组的单词，要用这些单词来造句。但我们非常狡猾。
Half the participants got a list with 15 words used to trigger rudeness: impolitely, interrupt, obnoxious, bother.
一半的受试者拿到的单词清单上，会有十五个单词用来触发无礼：不礼貌、打断、可憎、烦扰。
Half the participants received a list of words with none of these rude triggers.
另一半的受试者拿到的单词清单，完全没有这种触发单词。
And what we found was really surprising,
我们的发现十分让人惊讶，
because the people who got the rude words were five times more likely to miss information right in front of them on the computer screen.
因为拿到无礼单词的人有五倍的可能性，会错失面前计算机屏幕上呈现的信息。
And as we continued this research, what we found is that those that read the rude words took longer to make decisions,
我们继续研究下去，发现读到无礼单词的人要花较长的时间才能做决策、
to record their decisions, and they made significantly more errors.
记录决策，并且他们犯的错明显比较多。
This can be a big deal, especially when it comes to life-and-death situations.
这可能是件大事，特别是在生死一线间的情况下。
Steve, a physician, told me about a doctor that he worked with who was never very respectful, especially to junior staff and nurses.
史蒂夫是一位医生，他告诉我，有位和他合作的医生不是非常会尊重人，特别会对资浅的员工和护士不尊重。
But Steve told me about this one particular interaction where this doctor shouted at a medical team.
但史蒂夫跟我谈到一次特别的互动，这位医生对着医疗团队大吼。
Right after the interaction, the team gave the wrong dosage of medication to their patient.
在这次互动之后，团队马上就弄错了给病人的药物剂量。
Steve said the information was right there on the chart, but somehow everyone on the team missed it.
史蒂夫说，信息就在图表上，但不知怎么的，团队的每个人都没看清楚。
He said they lacked the attention or awareness to take it into account.
他说他们缺乏注意力，或是没有意识到要考虑那信息。
Simple mistake, right? Well, that patient died.
不过是一个错误，对吧？嗯，那位病人死了。
Researchers in Israel have actually shown that medical teams exposed to rudeness perform worse not only in all their diagnostics,
以色列的研究者发现，接触不文明行为的医疗团队不只是在诊断上的表现较差，
but in all the procedures they did.
在他们要做的所有程序上表现都较差。

This was mainly because the teams exposed to rudeness didn't share information as readily,
主要的原因是因为接触到不文明行为的团队，不会很乐意分享信息，
and they stopped seeking help from their teammates.
他们也不再向团队队友寻求协助。
And I see this not only in medicine but in all industries.
不仅是在医疗界，在所有产业都是如此。
So if incivility has such a huge cost, why do we still see so much of it?
如果不文明会造成这么大的成本，为什么还那么常见？
I was curious, so we surveyed people about this, too.
我很好奇，所以我们也做了相关的调查。
The number one reason is stress. People feel overwhelmed.
第一名的理由是压力。人们觉得无法招架。
The other reason that people are not more civil is because they're skeptical and even concerned about being civil or appearing nice.
另一个让人做出不文明行为的理由，是因为他们对于文明行为或是表现友善，持怀疑甚至担心的态度。
They believe they'll appear less leader-like.
他们相信他们看起来会比较不像领导人。
They wonder: Do nice guys finish last? Or in other words: Do jerks get ahead?
他们纳闷：好人不都是跑最后一名的吗？换言之：浑蛋不都是领先的吗？
It's easy to think so, especially when we see a few prominent examples that dominate the conversation.
很容易会这样认为，特别是当我们看到几个很显著的例子，他们能支配主导对话。
Well, it turns out, in the long run, they don't.
不过，结果发现，长期来看，他们无法主导。
There's really rich research on this by Morgan McCall and Michael Lombardo when they were at the Center for Creative Leadership.
摩根·麦考尔和迈克尔·罗巴多做了很多这方面的研究，当时他们为创意领导力中心工作。
They found that the number one reason tied to executive failure was an insensitive, abrasive or bullying style.
他们发现，主管人物失败最相关的理由，是冷漠、伤人或霸凌的风格。
There will always be some outliers that succeed despite their incivility.
一定会有一些就算不文明也能成功的例外。
Sooner or later, though, most uncivil people sabotage their success.
不过，迟早，大部分不文明的人都会破坏掉自己的成功。
For example, with uncivil executives, it comes back to hurt them when they're in a place of weakness or they need something.
比如，就不文明的主管来说，当他们处在弱势的时候或有所需求的时候，就会反过来被伤害。
People won't have their backs.
没有人会挺他们。
But what about nice guys? Does civility pay? Yes, it does.
那么好人呢？文明会有好处吗？有的。
And being civil doesn't just mean that you're not a jerk.
文明的意思并不只是不要当浑蛋。
Not holding someone down isn't the same as lifting them up.
不要轻视别人，并不表示就是在鼓舞他们。
Being truly civil means doing the small things,
真正文明的意思是要做些小事情，
like smiling and saying hello in the hallway, listening fully when someone's speaking to you.
比如在走廊遇到要微笑说哈啰，当别人在说话时要专心去倾听。
Now, you can have strong opinions, disagree, have conflict or give negative feedback civilly, with respect.
不论是抱持很强的意见、不同意对方、意见分歧，或给予负面回馈，都能带着尊重，用文明的方式做到。
Some people call it "radical candor," where you care personally, but you challenge directly.
有些人称它为“彻底坦诚”，你是关心人的，但你也会直接挑战他们。
So yes, civility pays. In a biotechnology firm,
所以，是的，文明会有好处。在一间生技公司中，
colleagues and I found that those that were seen as civil were twice as likely to be viewed as leaders,
我和我的同事发现，被认为文明的人被视为是领导者的可能性有两倍高，
and they performed significantly better. Why does civility pay?
他们的表现也显著比较好。为什么文明会有好处？
Because people see you as an important -- and a powerful -- unique combination of two key characteristics:
因为别人会认为你以很重要的--且强大的--独特方式结合了两种关键特质：
warm and competent, friendly and smart. In other words, being civil isn't just about motivating others. It's about you.
温暖和有能力、友善和聪明。换言之，表现文明不只是要激励他人，也是为了自己。
If you're civil, you're more likely to be seen as a leader.
如果你很文明，你就比较有可能被视为领导人。
You'll perform better, and you're seen as warm and competent.
你的表现会比较好，你会被视为温暖又有能力。
But there's an even bigger story about how civility pays,
但文明的好处还不仅止于此，
and it ties to one of the most important questions around leadership: What do people want most from their leaders?
它还牵涉到一个和领导力相关非常重要的问题：人最想要从他们的领导人身上得到什么？
We took data from over 20,000 employees around the world, and we found the answer was simple: respect.
我们从全世界超过两万名员工取得了数据，我们发现答案很简单：尊重。
Being treated with respect was more important than recognition and appreciation, useful feedback, even opportunities for learning.
被尊重对待，比被认可和被赏识还更重要，也比有用的意见回馈、甚至学习机会都还更重要。
Those that felt respected were healthier, more focused, more likely to stay with their organization and far more engaged.
觉得自己被尊重的人，会比较健康、比较能专心、比较有可能留在组织中，并且投入得更多。
So where do you start? How can you lift people up and make people feel respected?
所以，你们要从何着手？你们要如何鼓舞别人，并让他们觉得被尊重？
Well, the nice thing is, it doesn't require a huge shift.
很棒的一点就是，你并不需要做大转变。
Small things can make a big difference.
小事就能造成很大的不同。
I found that thanking people, sharing credit, listening attentively, humbly asking questions, acknowledging others and smiling has an impact.
我发现，感谢别人、分享功劳、专心倾听、谦虚发问、认可他人以及微笑就会造成影响。
Patrick Quinlan, former CEO of Ochsner Health, told me about the effects of their 10-5 way,
帕特里克·昆兰是欧斯纳医疗的前任执行长，他跟我说，他们有种“10—5”方法，
where if you're within 10 feet of someone, you make eye contact and smile, and if you're within five feet, you say hello.
如果你在某人的10英尺之内，你要做眼神交会以及微笑，如果是有5英尺内，你要说哈啰。
He explained that civility spread, patient satisfaction scores rose, as did patient referrals.
他解释说，文明行为会散播，病人的满意度分数会上升，病人的推荐分数也一样。
Civility and respect can be used to boost an organization's performance.
文明行为和尊重可以提升组织的表现。
When my friend Doug Conant took over as CEO of Campbell's Soup Company in 2001,
我的朋友道格·科南特于2001年接下金宝汤公司执行长的位置，
the company's market share had just dropped in half.
当时该公司的市占率掉到只剩一半。
Sales were declining, lots of people had just been laid off.
业绩一直下降，许多人被解雇。
A Gallup manager said it was the least engaged organization that they had surveyed.
一位盖洛普的经理说，这间公司是他们调查过最没有人愿意投入的组织。
And as Doug drove up to work his first day, he noticed that the headquarters was surrounded by barbwire fence.
道格在第一天开车去上班，他注意到总部大楼被刺铁丝网的栅栏围住。
There were guard towers in the parking lot. He said it looked like a minimum security prison. It felt toxic.
在停车场还设有警戒塔。他说那里看起来就像一间低度安全管理监狱。感觉很有毒。
Within five years, Doug had turned things around.
五年内，道格逆转了局势。
And within nine years, they were setting all-time performance records and racking up awards, including best place to work.
九年内，他们创下了史上最佳表现的记录，还得了包括最佳工作地点奖在内的诸多奖项。
How did he do it? On day one, Doug told employees that he was going to have high standards for performance,
他怎么办到的？第一天，道格就告诉员工，对于大家的表现，他要设下高标准，
but they were going to do it with civility.
但他们会用文明的方式来做。
He walked the talk, and he expected his leaders to.
他说到做到，并且他也期望手下的领导者能做到。
For Doug, it all came down to being tough-minded on standards and tenderhearted with people.
对道格来说，重点就只在于对于标准要很坚定，对于人则要心软。
For him, he said it was all about these touch points, or these daily interactions he had with employees,
对他来说，关键在于这些接触点，或说是他与员工的这些日常互动，
whether in the hallway, in the cafeteria or in meetings.
不论是在走廊上、自助餐厅或会议中。
And if he handled each touch point well, he'd make employees feel valued.
如果他能把每个接触点都处理好，他就能让员工感到被重视。
Another way that Doug made employees feel valued
道格还有另一个举动让员工感到被重视，
and showed them that he was paying attention is that he handwrote over 30,000 thank-you notes to employees.
并让员工知道他有在留心，这举动就是他手写过三万多份感谢字条给员工。
And this set an example for other leaders. Leaders have about 400 of these touch points a day.
这个做法为其他领导人立下了榜样。领导人一天大约会有四百个这类的接触点。
Most don't take long, less than two minutes each.
大部分不用花很长的时间，每次不用两分钟。
The key is to be agile and mindful in each of these moments.
关键在于，在每个这样的时刻都要保持机敏且小心。
Civility lifts people. We'll get people to give more and function at their best if we're civil.
文明的做法能鼓舞人。如果我们用文明的方式，我们能让大家付出更多并做到最好。
Incivility chips away at people and their performance.
不文明的方式会一点一点消耗掉人以及他们的表现。
It robs people of their potential, even if they're just working around it.
它会让人失去潜能，即使只是在周边工作的人也一样。
What I know from my research is that when we have more civil environments,
我从我的研究得知，当我们有比较文明的环境，
we're more productive, creative, helpful, happy and healthy.
我们就会比较有生产力、有创意、比较会助人、比较健康快乐。
We can do better. Each one of us can be more mindful and can take actions to lift others up around us,
我们能做得更好。我们每个人都可以更留心，可以采取行动鼓舞我们身边的人，
at work, at home, online, in schools and in our communities.
不论是在工作上、在家、在网络上、在学校里，还是在我们的小区中。
In every interaction, think: Who do you want to be?
在每一次互动中，都要想：你想要成为什么样的人？
Let's put an end to incivility bug and start spreading civility.
让不文明的病菌就到此为止，开始散播文明吧。
After all, it pays. Thank you.
毕竟，文明是有好处的。谢谢。