Ladies and gentlemen, as you know this Sunday is Valentine's Day.
女士们先生们 大家都知道本周日就是情人节了
If you are single, I'm sorry, that's a pain.
如果你单身 我为你感到抱歉 那真是太惨了
If you are in a long-term relationship, I'm sorry, that's a pain.
如果你跟你的伴侣已经在一起很久了 我为你感到抱歉 那真是太惨了
And if you are with someone you started dating two weeks ago,
如果你跟你的伴侣才刚在一起两周
I'm really sorry, that's the worst of all three.
我真的很抱歉 这种情况是我所说的三种中最惨的
This is only going to be a very awkward weekend.
反正怎么样这个周末都会很尴尬
But this is sweet because America's longest married couple John and Anne Betar
但有一件好事 美国在一起最久的一对夫妻约翰和安妮·贝塔
who have been married for 83 years will take—I know, I know, I know.
他们已经结婚83年了 我知道 我明白 我都懂
They're going to take to Twitter on Sunday to answer questions about love and marriage.
他们本周日将会在推特上解答大家关于爱情与婚姻的问题

And the secret to becoming the longest married couple in the United States is not dying.
成为美国在一起最久的夫妻的秘诀就是 不要死
The best way to do it, I mean back when they got married, if you were on Tinder
这就是最有效的方式 在他们结婚的那个年代 如果你用tinder约会的话
it was because someone was trying to burn you at the stake for witchcraft.
会有人觉得你使用巫术 要把你绑在柱子上烧死
Back then swiping right was how you fought off the gangs of New York.
那时候 纽约街头上 你要是碰到小混混 唯一的办法就是拿棍子把他们吓走
Get back, you Irish dogs!
走开 你们这些爱尔兰的混蛋
Can you imagine staying together for 83 years?
你们能想象跟一个人在一起83年吗
I mean the couple says that the key to their long marriage is plenty of hot threesomes.
这对夫妻说 维持他们婚姻存续的关键就是 经常有三人行
I'm kidding, they say it's trust.
我开玩笑的 其实他们说的是互相信任
But this time of year it's important to keep the romance alive and everyone's getting in on the act,
在情人节这一天 浪漫很重要 并且每个人都在尽力营造这种氛围
even KFC because for Valentine's Day they will be offering a fancy date night table
甚至肯德基都在情人节那天准备了精致的情侣餐
complete with waiter service and linen napkins.
还有服务生和亚麻餐巾纸
Now I may not be the biggest romantic but I do know one thing,
我大概算不上什么很浪漫的人 但我知道一件事
nothing you do for your loved one on Valentine's Day should involve a bucket.
情人节你给伴侣准备的东西里面 怎么都不应该有一个篮子吧
So I mean this all sounds very fancy but what does this dinner look like?
听起来这些都还不错 但晚餐到底是什么样子的呢
Do you know what I mean, KFC is the way to like, ah, I see the lady is having fried chicken.
你们知道我什么意思吗 在肯德基吃饭估计就是这种画风 啊 这位女士正在享用一份炸鸡
I think that would pair well with our Pepsi.
我想配上我们的百事可乐应该刚刚好
Or if you prefer something from the Sierra Regon we also have a 2016 sierra mist you may enjoy.
或者如果你们更喜欢sierra系列 我们这里也有他们的清檬饮料 你可能会喜欢
But I don't recommend this at all
我不推荐这个选择
but if you do take your date to KFC I hope you enjoy the chicken
不过如果你们真的去肯德基约会 希望你们炸鸡吃的开心
because those will be the only breasts and thighs you will touch that night.
因为你们那天晚上也只能摸到鸡的胸和大腿了