Boy, you're in a good mood, and I'm happy about it.

天 你们心情真好 我很开心

I'm happy you're in a good mood, and I hope this doesn't change anything,

我很高兴大家心情很好 希望这不会影响你们

but it is about that time of year where you have to start shopping for bathing suits.

不过马上就要到大家开始挑选泳衣的季节了

Don't think you haven't already realized that, and I know because I always remember that saying,

可别说你们忘记了啊 我知道是因为我记得那句谚语

April showers bring May flowers, and then in June you end up crying in the dressing room.

四月的雨带来五月的花 然后六月你就只能在更衣室里欲哭无泪了

I don't know anyone who enjoys shopping for bathing suits.

我认识的人没有一个喜欢买泳衣的

I dread it. And no matter what you try on, they make you look like a German weightlifter.

我怕死它了 不管你试什么样的泳衣 看起来都像德国举重运动员

Just me? I don't know.

只有我是这样吗？不知道

According to Dr. Phil, if you anticipate your feelings, it's easier to deal with your feelings.

根据菲尔医生 如果你能预测到自己的情绪 那应对起来就会相对容易

But then again, Dr. Phil never had to get a Brazilian wax.

但是还是那句话 菲尔医生又不需要用巴西蜡脱毛

So what the hell does he know?

他肯定是站着说话不腰疼啊

I want to prepare you, so I did some research.

我想让大家有心理准备 所以我做了些研究

It turns out there were three emotional stages that women go through when they're buying bathing suits.

结果发现女人在买泳衣时会经历三个情绪阶段

This was done by a doctor. He studied women trying on bathing suits until mall security threw him out.

这研究生一个医生做的 他研究女人购买泳衣 直到保安把他赶出去

Today, I want to break down the emotions that you have when you try on a bathing suit.

今天 我想来解析一下你买泳衣时的情绪起伏

There known as the ABC's. First, there's A.

它们叫做ABC 首先是A

A is for anxiety, which is a combination of anxiousness and xiety.

A是指焦虑 是焦和虑的统称

And unfortunately, the bigger your A is, the bigger your anxiety.

不幸的是 你的A（屁股）越大 你就会越焦虑

And then there is B. B is for bare.

然后是B B是指赤裸

You're going to feel bare because every year, we get bigger, the bathing suits get smaller.

你会感觉自己像裸熊一样 因为每年我们都在发福 游泳衣都在缩水

You're going to feel pale, and that's normal too.

你会感觉脸色苍白 这也很正常

You've spent the last six months inside.

你都躲在室内六个月了

Your skin is whiter than the president's cabinet.

你的皮肤比总统的衣橱还要干净

Then there's C. C is confused.

然后是C C是指困惑

Like for instance, why does RuPaul's drag queens look better in bikinis than I do?

比如说 为什么RuPaul的扮装皇后穿比基尼比我还好看？

And then why is there a strip of paper at the bottom of the bathing suit?

还有为什么游泳衣下面有一张纸条？

I'll explain that one.

这个我一会儿再解释

That is so you can write a farewell letter to your friends and family.

那是为了让你给家人朋友写永别信的

I feel worthless.

我感觉自己一文不值

Finally, there's D, which stands for don't worry because everyone else is going to be so worried about what they look like,

最后还有D 意思是不要担心 因为每个人都忙着操心自己好不好看

they're never going to even notice you in your bathing suit.

他们根本就不会注意到穿游泳衣的你