I have a question. I've never asked this before, but does anyone have change for a 20?

我有个问题 以前从来没问过 有人有20块钱的零钱吗

No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But that was so nice of you to offer, just in case.

不是 开玩笑呢 开玩笑的 不过你愿意说有真是太好心了 以防万一

What did you have it in fives? Ones?

你有什么 五块的？一块的？

What did you have? I have a ten, five ones, and one five.

你有什么？我有一张十块的 五张一块的 一张五块的

And one five? OK. Just in case, later in the show, I want one.

一张五块的？好 以防万一 一会儿我想要一张

I don't need it right now though. Actually, this is the question I want to ask.

不过现在暂时不需要 其实我想问的是这个

So I assume all of you have watched the program before.

我觉得你们都看过这个节目

You've all seen the show?

你们都看过吧？

I've never asked this before, but is there anyone in the audience who has never seen an entire show?

我以前从来没问过 不过观众中有人从来没看过一整集的吗？

Maybe you've seen-- that never has seen the entire show? Wow.

或许你们看过 从来没看过一整集的？哇哦

There are a lot of people in the audience that have never seen an entire show.

有很多人从来没看过一整集啊

You've never seen the whole show.

你们没看过完整的节目

And you-- you're so embarrassed, sir.

而且你们 你太丢人儿了 先生

You're-- everyone else was very proud to say they have not watched the show.

你们 大家说自己没看过这个节目的时候都很骄傲呀

And yet, you're-- and I appreciate that about you, that you didn't want to raise your hand and say that.

不过 你 我很感谢你能这么做 你不想举手这么说

I have questions for all of you that have never seen an entire show--

我想问那些从没看过一整集的人们一些问题

that you're so busy, that you can't watch an entire show.

你们太忙了 没时间看完一整集

What is your name? Michael. Hey, Michael. How are you?

你叫什么？迈克尔 嘿 迈克尔 你好吗？

I'm doing well, how are you? Good. OK.

挺好的 你呢？很好 好

I'm good, thank you for asking.

我很好 谢谢关心

So you've never seen-- you've seen the show, but not the entire show?

你从来没看过 你看过节目 不过没看过一整集的对吧？

Not in its entirety, no. What have you-- you've seen it on the internet or something?

没看过完整的 对 你 你是在网上看的吗？

Just clips? Yeah. But not enough that makes you want to see--

只有片段？对 不过不够吸引你让你

you've seen it, and you're like, yeah, I see it.

你看过 然后你就想 嗯 我看见了

You've just seen clips of it, and didn't have any interest in the entire show.

你只看过片段 却对一整集没有任何兴趣

That's-- you're speak-- I don't know about that.

那是 你说的 我不知道

But I have had interest in seeing the entire show. Yes.

我有兴趣看一整集的 对

And here you are. Yeah. And who are you with? My brother.

所以你到现场了 对 你跟谁一起来的？我哥哥

This is my brother, Russ. Hi, how are you? Hi. Have you seen an entire show?

这是我哥哥 拉塞 嗨 你好吗？嗨 你看过一整集节目吗？

No. Neither of you. Wonderful. Well that's all right.

没有 你也没看过 很好啊 很好

You know, I mean it's a big world, and I haven't reached everyone yet.

这世界很大啊 并不是所有人都知道我

And maybe by the time I die, you've all seen me.

或许等我归西的时候 你们才会认识我

And where do you all live? We're from Texas.

你们住在哪里？我们来自德克萨斯

From Texas, OK. Do you live in Texas now, sir? No, not right now.

德克萨斯 好 现在也住在德克萨斯吗？不是 现在没有

I live in Eureka. Eureka. Eureka! And you live also in Eureka?

我在尤卡里 尤卡里 尤卡里 那你也住在尤卡里？

I live in Burbank. In Burbank. He's visiting me for the weekend.

我住在伯班克 伯班克 他是周末来看我

I see. So you live right down the street.

明白了 你就住在街边上

What do you do for a living? Well, I work in the film industry.

你是做什么工作的？我在电影行业上班

Where? In the Burbank area.

哪里？在伯班克

Do you work on the Warner Brothers lot? Yes, I do. What?

你在华纳兄弟电影公司上班吗？对的 神马？

Wow. Should I apologize? I'll apologize.

哇 我应该道歉吗 我道歉

That should be mandatory for people who work here, that they watch my show.

在这里工作的人必须得看我的节目啊

Wow. Well-- so you've never seen an entire show.

哇 你从来没看过完整一集

What happens is I talk to the audience. Usually it doesn't go this in-depth.

这节目一般就是我跟观众聊天 只不过不像跟你这样深入

But I usually bring somebody down to join me sometimes.

不过我一般会请观众到台上来跟我一起

So today, Michael, it's you. Come on down.

所以今天 迈克尔 我选中你了 下来吧

Hi, Michael. It's so good to meet you. Nice to meet you too.

嗨 迈克尔 遇见你很开心 遇见你也很开心

OK, so-- and you're tall. How tall are you? I am. I'm 6' 5". 6' 5".

好 你真高啊 你多高？是的 6' 5" 6' 5"

Me-- I'm not. And what's your brother's name? Russell. Hi, Russell. Hi.

我 我不高 你哥哥叫什么 拉塞尔 嗨 拉塞尔 嗨

So Michael's down here. I could have chosen you, but I chose Michael.

迈克尔到台上来了 我本来可以选你的 不过我选迈克尔

Here, you stand on that red mark.

这里 你站到这个标记这里

This is-- in the biz, we call this the monologue mark.

这是 在圈子里 我们把它叫做独白标记

And there's a different picture of me every day they do, just to kind of make me smile.

每天这里都会有一张我不同的照片 只是为了让我开心

And that's me with Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton has been on the show before.

那是我和桃莉·巴顿一起 桃莉·巴顿以前上过这节目

What parts of the show have you seen? What have you seen me do?

你看过节目的哪些片段？你看我干过什么

I've seen you scare a lot of people. Yeah, I scare people.

我看过你吓很多人 对 我会吓人

I've seen you have on some celebrities and stuff.

看你邀请过一些名人之类的

Play some games. Right. That's what we do. Yeah. Tell jokes.

玩游戏 对 我们就干这些事 对 开玩笑

Yeah, so you got the hang of it. That's what it is. Yeah.

对 你抓住精髓了呀 这节目就是这样 对

No need to watch another one.

不用再看了

So I-- Oh. You know what that-- I mean, the audience does.

所以我 哦 你知道 观众们知道这是什么情况

You don't know what that is. That is time for a shot of the day.

你不知道咋回事 现在该玩今日饮酒了

Shot of the day! All right. What is this? Shot of the day.

今日饮酒 好 这是什么 今日饮酒

Oh. Yes. Shot of the day. Yeah. That's what we do.

哦 对 今日饮酒 对 我们就做这些事

Isn't that fun? Yeah. We have a whole lot of fun around here.

是不是很好玩？对 这里还有很多好玩的呢

Oh no. You know what time that is.

哦 不是吧 你知道该干什么了吗

He doesn't know, because he's never seen the show.

他不知道 因为他没看过这节目

But it's time for joke of the day. Bring me my joke, please.

但是该说今天的玩笑了 麻烦把我的玩笑拿过来

But today, I'm not going to do the joke. You're going to do it, Michael.

不过今天 不是我说玩笑 你来说 迈克尔

Oh jeez. Go on. Hold that microphone.

哦天哪 说吧 拿好话筒

You're in the film industry, you know how it works.

你在电影行业工作 你知道怎么玩儿

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

一个脏公交站和隆过胸的小龙虾之间有什么区别？

No-- go? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a crusty-- crust-- crust-- sorry.

不 说嘛？一个是有壳的公交站 另一个是有壳的硬壳 硬壳 硬壳 不好意思

Are you drunk? Crustation. Good delivery. That's wonderful. That's uh--

你喝醉了？壳化作用 说得好 很好 真是

You know what time that is, everybody.

大家知道现在该做什么了吗

He doesn't, because he's never seen the show.

他不知道 他没看过我们的节目

Bring Michael the Elsa wig. We always celebrate-- Oh, yes.

给迈克尔献上Elsa假发 我们会庆祝 哦 对

Yes, that's the Elsa wig. Do you know the movie Frozen?

对 那就是Elsa假发 你知道《冰雪奇缘》这个电影吗？

Have you seen it? I have seen Frozen.

你看过吗？看过

OK, you've seen-- so you have time for an entire movie aimed at children,

好 你看过 这么说 你有时间看给孩子看的动画片

but you don't have time for the adult daytime show, Ellen.

却没有时间看我们的成人日间秀《艾伦秀》

Anyway, all right. I did apologize. No, no, no. I'm just giving you a hard time.

总之 好 我道歉 不不不 我只是故意让你难堪而已

Because-- You know what time that is.

因为 知道现在要干什么了

The audience does. You don't though.

观众知道 不过你不知道

Whoever's down here with me takes their shirt off.

跟我一起到台上来的人都得脱掉衣服

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. No. No.

我开玩笑的 说着玩的 不是 不

The lawyers asked us to stop doing that.

律师警告我们不准再那么做了

So we can't do that anymore.

所以我们不能再那么做了

But all right, so anyway, that's sort of what we do.

不过 好 总之 我们就是做那种事

And then you know it's a Tuesday today, right?

你知道今天是周二对吧

So Tuesday is pony day. There's a lot of dancing that goes on.

周二是小马日 有很多人都在跳舞

And you've seen the dancing that happens, right? I have.

你看过我们跳舞吧 看过

All right, so what happens is whoever is down here talking to me dances back to their seat.

好 是这样 任何到台上来跟我们说话的人都得一路跳着回到自己的座位上

And since it's Tuesday, it's pony day.

因为今天是周二 是小马日

And it's usually-- and I'm not going to say everybody dances sexy, but most people do.

通常是 我不想说每个人的舞姿都很妖媚 不过多数人是这样的

So you'll dance sexily back to your seat to the pony song, because it's Tuesday. All right?

所以你要听着小马歌 妩媚地跳着回到你的座位上 因为今天是周二 好吧？

All right, Michael. Thank you so much. Enjoy the show, Michael.

好 迈克尔 非常感谢你 好好看节目 迈克尔

I'm really surprised at how many people are here who have never seen an entire episode.

我真的很惊讶今天的观众里有这么多人没看过一整集节目

So you've seen clips of it, and then you decide, hmm, but I'll go see a whole taping.

你们都是看过片段 然后决定 嗯 我还是去听完整的录音吧

That's what I'll do.

我就要这么干