Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for being here.
女士们先生们 感谢你们的到来
There is some huge sports news, huge news for the city of Los Angeles,
这里有一条重大的体育新闻 洛杉矶的大新闻
because after 21 years, the city is finally getting a football team.
因为21年之后 洛杉矶终于有了自己的足球队
The Rams are moving back to LA
公羊队将要搬回洛杉矶
so finally another thing for the people of Los Angeles to pretend to care about.
洛杉矶人终于又有了一件可以假装关心的事
Now almost to the day I have lived in Los Angeles for one year.
到今天为止 我差不多已经在洛杉矶生活了一年
And in that time Los Angeles has regained an NFL team,
洛杉矶重新有了自己的橄榄球队后
it started raining again after three years of Drawt,
三年大旱后终于下了雨
and they opened the city's first Dunkin' Donuts,
这座城市开了第一家唐恩都乐
now maybe, look I can't take credit for all of those,
这些事情不能说都应该归功于我
but I'm definitely taking credit for that Dunkin' Donuts.
但是唐恩都乐的开业必须是我的功劳
That was all me.
都是我的功劳

But the Los Angeles Rams now fall into a long line of mascots that don't really match their location.
现在洛杉矶公羊队有了一堆各种各样的吉祥物 虽然跟他们的地址不是很搭
Like the L.A. Lakers have no lakes.
就行洛杉矶的湖人队没有湖
There is no jazz in Utah, and Orlando hasn't had actual magic since O-town broke up.
犹他州没有爵士 奥兰多自从欧镇解散后 就再也没有了真正的魔力
It's a fact, a fact.
这是真的
But you know, football is America's game but L.A. is not a typical American city.
大家都知道 足球是美国的比赛 但是洛杉矶并不是典型的美国城市
Like the Rams are already adjusting to L.A. life.
就像公羊队正准备要去适应洛杉矶的生活
Like they're now going to call tryouts auditions.
就像现在他们要把选拔赛叫做面试一样
And ask you to bring a head shot with you when you come.
来的时候还要带上证件照
So like Todd Gurley reading for the part of running back number one.
就像让托德·格利从书上学怎么成为第一跑锋一样
Now every Rams game is going to start with a two-hour red carpet.
现在每场公羊队的比赛开始前就要走两小时的红毯
Oh, you look great, I love the helmet. Who are you wearing?
哇 你今天太帅了 我喜欢你的头盔 你穿的是什么
I don't—I think it's Niek.
我不——是耐克吧
But let's be honest, they won't even be a football team.
讲实话 他们不是一支足球队
They will just be the real Rams of Beverly Hills.
他们是比弗利山公羊队
But look, regardless of how they got here, the fact is that L.A. now has a football team.
但是不管怎么说 洛杉矶都是有了自己的足球队了
So why don't we meet our new quarterback, his name is Mr. Nick Foles.
我们来看看我们的四分卫 尼克·冯斯
There is—he is going to fit right in here.
他出现的太应景了
He looks like he's straight out of a Hollywood movie, doesn't he?
感觉像是直接从好莱坞电影里走出来的一样 不是吗
If that movie is napoleon dynamite.
电影的名字叫《大人物拿破仑》