What do you find harder? To laugh or to cry?
你觉得哭和笑哪个更难
Well, as my dear friends know,
我朋友都知道
I have a lot of trouble crying in my normal life.
我平常生活中很不擅长哭
It is actually—it is a little bit weird.
事实上——这事儿说起来有点奇怪
My mom always taught me,
我妈总告诉我
you know, if I ever cried in my personal life,
如果我哭的话
she would sort of come down on me.
她可能会惩罚我
Like what do you have to feel sorry for?
她说 你有什么好哭的
Don't feel sorry. Blah blah blah.
别哭之类的
So I have a tough time crying. A tough time laughing.
所以我很不会哭 也不太会笑

Alison Janney told me to imagine—she is great at a fake laugh.
艾莉森·珍妮告诉我 演戏的时候要想象——她很擅长假笑
You're getting punched in the stomach.
就躬起腰
Which always makes me laugh.
我看到这个就想笑
Which is hilarious.
很搞笑
She will go like hah! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
然后就哈 哈哈哈 哈哈哈
But crying, I do every once in a while,
但是我偶尔会要演哭戏
the actor's secret is a little bit of a—there is a trick.
演员的秘密就是——演哭戏是有秘诀的
Oh, you mean the tear stick?
你是说催泪棒吗
Which is a thing that you put around your eyes or in your eyes
就那个你把它放到眼睛周围或者让它接触到眼球
which will then make you cry?
然后你就会哭的那种
And you have some right here?
你还带了
Are you a good crier?
你擅长哭戏吗
Can you cry on command or do you use this stuff as well?
你平常哭的很快还是也要用到这些东西
I don't use this. I try not to use this stuff.
我不用这些 尽可能不用
But crying sucks. It's just miserable. Come on. Come on.
但是哭戏真的很难 真的 来嘛
No, man. I can't. I can't go back there.
不 我不想用这个
Shall we have a go? OK. You do it on me.
我们试试效果怎么样 你来弄我吧
This is like a menthol krystal.
这东西有点儿像薄荷脑
It looks like a suppository.
我觉得像某种栓剂
If that doesn't work.
如果没效的话就尴尬了
It does look disturbing.
它形状看起来是有点容易让人误会
It is kind of like vick's vapor rub.
有点儿像vick的通鼻膏
For your eyeballs.
只是这个是用在眼睛上的
OK. I can't wait to do this.
我等不及了都
OK. Keep your eyes open.
眼睛睁开
OK. Hang on. Oh, man. All right, OK.
等一会儿 好了
Are you ready?
准备好了吗
Do I have to hold them open?
我要用手撑着眼皮吗
Yeah. Arhhhhhh!
对 啊
OK. Other one. Oh!
好了 另一只眼睛 啊
All right. All right. Here we go.
好了 好了 弄完了
I don't look like I'm crying.
我没觉得像在哭啊
I look like I've been punched in the face.
反而感觉像是脸上被人打了一拳
I can't even see to do it to you, though.
我都看不到她是怎么弄在你眼睛上的
You don't mind sharing?
你不介意我含过吧
I'm good. Yeah. I'm good.
没事 没事
I can't even see anyone.
我啥都看不见了
How long does it take before you begin crying?
要等多久才开始流泪
You look so sad. What's wrong?
你现在看起来很难过 怎么了
Are you sad?
你很不开心吗
How are you doing?
你还好吗
I'm not good.
我不太好
It worked. It worked.
见效了 见效了
I just can't believe you guys have come here.
我简直不敢相信你们会来《深夜秀》来参加节目
I want to give you an Oscar.
我想给你颁一座奥斯卡奖
It is not even about that.
跟这没关系
I just dropped a tear.
我刚掉眼泪了
Oh, my god. This is the perfect movie star tearing up.
天 这是最完美的哭戏
This is amazing. This is incredible.
简直太棒了
Wait, now look 3/4 away and slightly up. Yeah.
等等 现在只留1/4的脸对着我们 微微抬头 对了