I know why you're excited. I know why you're excited.
我知道你们为什么这么兴奋 我知道你们为什么这么兴奋
It's because America's got the fever.
因为美国正陷入一场狂热
We have got the pope fever. Am I wrong?
教宗热 我没说错吧
That's right, pope Francis has landed in the United States for an historic
是的 教宗方济各已到达美国 并将去华盛顿 纽约和费城
five-day visit to D.C., New York City, and Philadelphia.
进行一场具有历史意义的五天访问
And you know whether you're Catholic, Protestant, Jewish or Hindu,
无论你是天主教徒 新教徒 犹太教徒还是印度教教徒
you have to be in awe of the amount of traffic this is going to create.
到时的人流量会让你们所有人敬畏
Now if you wanted to see the pope during his visit, best of luck to you.
如果你想在教宗访问期间去围观的话 我只能说祝你好运

Because he's appearing in central park on Friday, but tickets ran out so quickly,
因为他只会周五在中央公园出现 而票早都已经卖完了
that they're now being scalped for upwards of $1,500 a piece.
倒卖的黄牛票已经炒到了1500美元一张
I know. $1,500. That is a lot to pay for someone who can't sing or play guitar. Isn't it?
1500美元呐 花给一个又不会唱歌又不会弹吉他的人有点太多了 不是吗
I mean it's ironic people are scalping tickets for so much
很讽刺的是就为了看一眼教宗人们就这么疯狂的倒票
because the pope has been saying that Americans worship money,
这个教宗还说过美国人过于崇尚金钱
and that capitalism is destroying our souls.
还说过资本主义腐蚀了我们的灵魂
Now personally, I think that is an unfair criticism.
我个人的观点是 这个评价不太公正
And there's no better place for me to voice that opinion than in tonight's monologue,
今天这个个人秀简直是最适合让我说出这个观点的
which is brought to you by totino's pizza rolls.
本节目由托提诺比萨卷赞助播出
Now available in zesty cheddar and mozzarella madness. Totinos!
托提诺现已推出美味的切达干酪和马苏里拉奶酪
That could catch on, though, couldn't it? Totinos!
大家会喜欢的 对吗 托提诺
The pope has also said that we are too tied to technology
教宗还说美国人太依赖科技了
and we spend too much time on our smartphones.
我们在智能手机上消耗了太多时间
When people heard that they were like, sorry, what was that?
人们要是听到他这么说的话一定会说 抱歉 你刚说啥
I mean Twitter has actually created a bunch of special emojis to honor the pope.
推特为了显示对教宗的尊敬还推出了一系列的新的表情
Proving once and for all that twitter doesn't really know the meaning of the word honor.
彻底证明了推特完全不懂尊敬是啥意思
But we can have a look at some of the pope emojis that twitter has created.
我们一起来看看都有些什么表情
There's #PopeinUS, #PopeinDC, PopeinNYC, and #PopeinPhilly.
这里有 教宗在美国 教宗在华盛顿 教宗在纽约和教宗在费城
But just in case the pope decides to extend his trip,
但是以防教宗决定扩大旅行范围
we've created a few hashtags of our own.
我们也给自己做了一些话题标签
If he should choose to come visit us here, we have got popein sp LA. There is that.
如果他到我们这儿来的话 我们准备了 教宗在洛杉矶
Look, he's on a juice cleanse.
瞧 他喝果汁排毒呢
PopeinOrlando.
教宗在奥兰多
Aww, he stopped in Disney world.
哇喔 他在迪士尼乐园停留了一会儿
Look at the little mickey mouse ears, he looks adorable!
快看那对小小的米奇耳朵 他好可爱
And we got PopeinSeattle.
教宗在西雅图
He just ordered a pope-kin spice latte!
他点了一杯教宗风味拿铁
Thank you. One of my own. One of my own. One of my own.
谢谢 是我的菜 是我的菜 我的菜