Hey, last night, I'll tell you what I was doing.
嗨 昨晚 我告诉你们我在干什么
I was watching TV. I was at home watching TV.
我在看电视 在家 看电视
'Cause I was clubbing the night before, and I needed to recover.
因为我前一晚去了酒吧 然后我需要点时间恢复下
And so the news came on, and here's what I noticed about the news.
所以新闻就开始播了 然后那时我意识到 这些新闻
It's bad. It's all bad. It's bad news.
是坏消息 全是坏消息 都是坏新闻
It's not all bad.
当然并不仅仅是坏消息
there's some terrible news, and then there's awful news,
也有一些恐怖的消息 然后是可怕的消息
and then there's the weather, which, lately, has been bad news.
然后是天气预报 然而最近的天气 也像坏消息一样
It's easy to get depressed watching it, so I had an idea.
看这些很容易让你觉得沮丧 所以我有个想法

I wanted to come out here today, and I wanted to tell you good news.
我今天要给你们看 我想给你们讲一些好消息
I wanted to find good news.
我要找一些好消息
Thank you, Stewart.
谢谢你 斯图尔特
This is just good, positive, happy--
这是好的 积极的 开心的……
whatever I find that's good and positive and happy,
任何我能找到的好的 积极的 开心的
that's what I'm sharing. Nope. Yech.
就是我要分享的 没有 额
Okay, so there's nothing in there.
好吧 完全没有
There's no good news. Forget it. No.
没有任何好的新闻 忘了它吧 没有
I'm gonna show you some things that'll make you feel better,
我要给你们看一些能让你们心情更好的东西
because a study came out recently.
因为最近有一个研究表示
It said that watching cute, happy videos for one minute,
每天看1分钟可爱的开心的视频
just one minute a day, will lower your blood pressure and boost your mood.
每天1分钟就够了 会降低你的血压 释放情绪
I just made that study up, but I'm pretty sure--
我刚刚瞎编的 但是我确定
it sounds like it would really help.
这听上去 确实会有帮助
I mean, it can't hurt, so let's try it.
我是说 反正不会有伤害对吧 让我们试试吧
Here'sthis is a peewee football team,
这个视频是 这是一个青少年足球队
and they won the game, and they're just celebrating.
然后他们赢了比赛 正在庆祝
You know how they run and they break through the banner to celebrate?
你知道他们要跑着从横幅中穿过去 这是种庆祝方式
Okay, well, here they go.
好的 嗯 看视频吧
Yep. Nope. Nope. Try it again. Nope. No.
耶 没成功 没有 再试一次 没有 没
No. No. Uhoh. No. No. No. Ah.
没 没 啊噢 没 没 没 啊
So, all right, we move on to another portion of our cute animal videos.
所以 好吧 我们看下一部份 来看看可爱的动物视频
This is a kitten afraid of its own shadow.
这是一个害怕自己影子的小猫
Oop. That's a scaredycat right there.
哦 那是一只害怕的猫咪 就在那儿
Now, I've shown you a kitten video.
接下去 我要给你们看另一个小猫视频
I'm obligated legally to show you a puppy video. aw.
我合法也有义务要给你们看这个小狗的视频 嗷
That's just cute. I mean, look at all those puppies.
这真是太可爱了 我是说 看看这些小狗
That mommy's so happy. They're cute, but wait till they're teenagers.
这麻麻那么开心 它们都超可爱 但是等它们长大
It's all gonna change.
就完全不一样了
All right, so I've shown you dog videos.
好吧 所以我给你们看过了狗狗视频
And I have one more video. This is a video--
我还有一个 这个视频是
It's another cat video. aw. Very polite. Very polite.
另一个猫咪视频 嗷 很礼貌 非常礼貌
Please, just one more scratch, please. Excuse me.
请 再摸一下 麻烦你 不好意思打扰下
Pardon me, naked man. Just one more scratch.
我再说一遍 裸男 再摸一下
You're very handsome. Very handsome. He's cute.
你好帅 非常帅 它太可爱了
So I've shown you a cat video, a dog video.
所以我给大家看了一个猫咪视频 一个狗狗视频
I'm required to show you a cute baby video.
有人要求我给大家看一个可爱的婴儿视频
This is adorable. This is a baby not in a good mood until she hears Katy Perry.
这太可爱了 这是个孩子心情不太好 直到她听到了凯蒂·派瑞
y'all know what it is. Katy Perry juicy j. uhhuh.
你们都知道这是什么 凯蒂·派瑞 juicy j. 嗯 哼
let's rage. I knew you were
一起狂野吧 我知道你注定
you were gonna come to me and here you are
会臣服在我面前 然而你出现
but you better choose carefully 'cause I I'm capable of anything
但你最好做出对的选择 因为我 我无所不能
Oh. Oh, it's Katy Perry! ooh.
哦 哦 是凯蒂·派瑞 哦
Don't you feel better? Me too.
你是不是感觉心情好点了？我也是