Is this private giggling or can anyone join?
是"私事"在笑，还是我也可以加入啊？
What are you watching? My favorite show.
你在看什么啊？我最爱的节目。
Abby And Brittany, the show about those cute conjoined twins with two heads, one torso?
"阿比与布莱缇"的节目吗，连体婴姐妹，一个身子两个头。
Already watched it. They fought about a necklace. Now I'm watching Cupcake Wars.
看过了。她们为了一条项链吵架了。我现在是看决战小蛋糕之巅。
If our team wins Cupcake Wars, we're gonna use the $10,000 prize to finally open up our own storefront.
如果我们队伍赢了比赛，我们将用这一万元奖金来开一家属于我们的小店。
Wait, $10,000? What kind of show is this?
等等，一万元，这是什么节目？
I thought Google eliminated the need to ask questions out loud, but fine.
我还以为有了谷歌之后，就不会有人随口问蠢问题了。
It's a show on Food Network where teams make cupcakes and compete for money.
这是美食频道的节目，队伍们制作小蛋糕，然后比赛赢取奖金。
And why are we not on it?
那为什么我们不参加
Look at that dumb-dumb! She just dropped the pastry bag.
看那个傻蛋！她裱花袋都掉地上了。
Hey, they're called hands, learn how to use them, dumb-dumb!
那器官叫"双手"，学学怎么用它们吧，傻蛋！
And that is why we're not on it.
这就是为什么我们不去参加
Not everyone's as judgmental as you.
不是每个人都跟你一样爱批判。
Oh, everyone's as judgmental as me.
哪个人不跟我一样爱批判啊。
And I don't need some snarky bitch pointing at us on her TV going,
我也不想有无礼的臭三八指着她的电视说，
"oh, look at that blonde dumb-dumb and her hot friend trying to do something."
"快看电视上那金发傻蛋跟她那个性感努力在忙活的朋友"。

Max, why don't you ever let yourself dream?
麦克斯，为什么你从不让自己有梦想呢？
Because in my dreams, spiders are always eating my eyes.
因为在我梦中，我眼珠总是被蜘蛛吃了。
This might be the big push we need.
这没准是我们需要的大机遇
We can go on Cupcake Wars, or we can keep being cupcake whores. Think about it.
我们可以去决战小蛋糕之巅，也可以继续当小蛋糕之妓。你考虑一下吧。
We wouldn't have to go car-to-car anymore, we could actually open a brothel.
我们不用路上逢人就求"卖"，而是可以开家正经的妓院。
Wait, if brothel's on the table, why don't we just forget about this cupcake thing?
等等，如果可以选择去妓院，那我们还想着这个破蛋糕生意干嘛？
'cause that's a job I can do without pants.
做那份工，我就可以不穿裤子上班了。
Seriously. Let's at least go to the Food Network and apply.
说真的，好歹也去美食频道试着报名看看吧
That's not how it works. You fill out an application online,
不是这样的。你得在网上先填报名表，
submit a two-minute home video, and then wait eight to ten days for a response.
并上传一个两分钟的自我介绍短片，然后节目组会在八到十天后通知你。
Huh, caught you dreaming.
让我逮到你有过这个梦吧
All right, so maybe I thought about it for, like, a second, when we first became a team.
行，我是曾经想过那么一秒钟，在我们刚刚组队的那会。
But then I remembered the world's a dead-end and nothing good happens ever to anyone.
但我想起人生就是个死胡同，好事永远也不会降临。
There's a gun in that drawer. Do you want to just kill ourselves?
那抽屉里有把枪。不如现在就饮弹自尽吧？
Oh, Max. You finally called us a team. We are so going on that show.
麦克斯。你终于承认我们是一个团队了。我们绝对要上那节目。
Seriously, I don't know how Abby and Brittany do it,
说真的，我真不知道连体婴姐妹忍受的，
because I'm uncomfortable with you even sitting this close to me.
光是你跟我坐这么近，我就浑身不舒服了。