(单词翻译:单击)
We've all dealt with narcissism at one point or another in our lives whether from a co-worker, family member, friend or lover.
生活中，我们都和自恋打过交道，他们可能是我们的同事、家人、朋友或爱人。
It's a draining experience leaving you emotionally fatigued and sapped of your energy.
让自己心理疲惫，抽空所有力气是一种精疲力竭的体验。
Sometimes it's easy to notice the signs and leave before getting hurt but sometimes there is a cost to leaving that we cannot or do not want to pay
有时很容易注意到迹象并迅速抽身避免自己受伤，但有时候离开需要付出我们无法承受的代价。
This is most common with parents and job opportunities. It takes a whole lot of courage to make these different relationships work,
这种情况在父母和工作机遇中很常见。使这些不同关系变得顺畅需要花费大量勇气。
despite urgent feelings of needing to run so you don't get hurt.
即使有着为了避免受伤而逃离的急切感。
However, there are steps you can take to help you cope with the narcissists in your life and keep your relationships in as much ease as possible.
但是你可以采取一些措施应对生命中的自恋者并轻松维护你们之间的关系。
Identify the type of narcissist you're dealing with.
确定你是在同哪一种自恋者打交道。
Researchers have categorized narcissists into two different categories: grandiose and vulnerable.
研究人员将自恋者分为两种类别：自大妄想型和脆弱型。
Grandiose narcissists have incredibly high self-esteem believing themselves to be superior to everyone else
自大妄想型自恋者自尊心非常强，他们相信自己优越于其他人。
They are the stereotypical narcissists that people think of when they hear the word narcissist.
他们是模式化的自恋者，一说到自恋，人们所想到的自恋者就是这种类型。
Vulnerable narcissists have low levels of self-esteem, high levels of insecurity and tend to compensate by focusing only on themselves.
脆弱型自恋者自尊心低，不安全感程度高且倾向于通过仅关注自己来抵消前两者。
This means they have self-absorption and self-centered tendencies.
这意味着他们全神贯注且有自我中心的倾向。
Once you know what kind of narcissist they are, you can change your interactions with them to keep your relationships healthy.
一旦弄清他们是哪种类型的自恋者，就能够改变与他们交往的方式以为系你们关系的健康。
Grandiose narcissists are wonderful helpers with your goals if you give them an important job and praise their work often.
自大妄想型自恋者能够极好的帮助实现目标，只要给你他们重要工作并经常表扬他们。
Vulnerable narcissists need constant reassuring that they're doing a good job and you'll need to be sure not to accidentally offend them in the heat of a moment.
脆弱型自恋者需要不断地鼓励他们的工作做得好并且你需要确定不要一时激动不小心冒犯了他们。
While it can be difficult or frustrating to think about where people are coming from or why they are the way they are, it is key to helping you feel for them.
虽然了解他人是一件困难或会让认感到沮丧的事，关键是感受他们。
There are always more events in a person's history that has affected them more than they let on.
一个人一生中所经历的事情总比他们透露的还多。
Figuring out someone's backstory and why they lash out the way they do can also help you handle their angry outbursts and regain patience and tolerance.
弄清对方背后的故事以及他们抨击自己处事方法的原因也能帮助你应对他们的恼怒生气、恢复平静和宽容。
While it is important to find out what the person is coming from, it's equally as important to listen to your own feelings and thoughts.
了解一个人很重要，但是倾听自己的心声也同样重要。
What actions and behaviors of theirs bothers, triggers or hurts you, what goals do you have pertaining your relationship
他们什么样的行为烦扰、惹怒或是伤害了你，关于这段关系你要达到怎样的目标
and how are you willing to push your past feelings to maintain it. After you take a look inside yourself and evaluate how you feel,
你愿意怎样推动你们的关系去维护它。问问自己的内心并评估自己的感受，
you can figure out where to draw the line and form boundaries and where to push forward and cope with your feelings.
之后你能够弄清你最后的界限在哪、形成界限、朝哪个方面努力以及处理自己的感受。
In the end, this experience will teach you a lesson about yourself and how to handle yourself in times of distress.
最后，这样的经历将教会自己，了解在面对困难时如何应对。
Not like any other person, narcissus require a gentle touch when communicating with them.
和其他人不同，自恋者在沟通时需要温柔的触碰。
It won't be as honest and open as with others nor will it be as straightforward
和其他人沟通时是诚实开放的或者是直接的沟通
They may get defensive quickly but this is because of insecurities, sensitivities or lack of empathy they might have.
但是自恋者会由于缺乏安全感、敏感或缺乏同情而易怒。
Be careful not to let things backfire on you as you'll end up in a direct conflict which is never fun and was never your intention
当心不要事与愿违，因为这样你将会陷入直接冲突的结局，这可不是你的本意也不好玩。
Communicate as gently as possible without compromising your own values
尽可能温柔的沟通，但也不要违背自己的价值
and recognize if and when you should gently step back or put your foot down as long as it is done respectfully.
在尊敬的基础上，确认自己是否以及何时温柔让步或坚定立场。
If and when you put your foot down to draw some boundaries between you two, be prepared to face the consequences.
是否以及何时坚定立场划出你们之间的界限，准备好面对之后产生的结果。
No matter how gentle you were in laying down the law,
在制定你们之间的规定时，不论多么温和，
they will take it as a direct attack and treat it as such, depending on the person and situation they may or may not end up resenting you.
他们都会将之当成是一次直接攻击，这取决于个人以及他们是否会憎恨你的情况而定。
It is important to remember in this time that this is part of the process and you may not be being treated well enough by them.
记住这时这是过程的一部分，或许他们对你还不够好。
You are not someone who obeys them all the time but it is better to recognize your own needs, values and limits than to compromise them for someone else.
你并不需要一直遵从他们，最好是认清自己的需求、价值和限制，而不是向别人妥协。
While humor isn't called for in some situations, it might just be your saving grace.
虽然在一些情况下还需要一些幽默，这或许正是你的长处。
Finding humor in a narcissist's behavior may help you cope. You can also call out their behaviors with a smile or a light joke.
在自恋者的行为中找点幽默或许能帮助你应对。你还可以利用一份微笑或小玩笑唤起他们的行为。
Remember to choose your time carefully, so as to not accidentally offend them and make the situation worse.
记住仔细选择时机，这样就不会不小心冒犯到他们让情况更加糟糕了。
Choose to keep humor to a minimum in moments of high stress, anger or distress.
选择保持幽默缓解此刻的高紧张、愤怒或悲痛。
However, when a narcissist does something naturally and without thinking if you point it out in a light-hearted manner,
但是当自恋者自然而然做出某事且毫不考虑你是否以一种轻松的方式点出这一点时，
it is more likely to be well received, listened to and potentially corrected.
很有可能这一点会被接受、倾听且被纠正。
Depending on how close you are to the narcissist, you may have to decide if they need more help than you can provide in order to maintain or regain a healthy relationship.
这取决于你和这位自恋者的亲密度，你或许需要决定为了维系或重拾健康关系，他们所需要的是否比你能给予的要多。
With people who are close to you like your best friend, lover or family member, keeping a distance doesn't always feel like an option.
和亲密的人在一起，比如你的好朋友、爱人或家人，和他们保持距离并不像是一个选择。
Many psychotherapists are trained to help with this disorder and can help them and you remain healthy and happy.
许多心理治疗师受过训练能够帮助缓解这种障碍，帮助你们维系健康快乐的关系。
Remember that loving them sometimes is not enough and needing professional help is okay.
记住仅仅是爱他们有时是不够的，需求专业的帮助也是不错的。
Remember to see the positives. This person obviously has positive qualities or else you wouldn't be trying to maintain your relationship,
记住凡事看积极的一面。每个人都有积极的品质，
focus on the good qualities and the reasons why you want to make things work when you feel overwhelmed or stressed.
专注好的品质以及那些当你被紧张包围时，能让你放松的理由。
Integrate this into your plan, so you can enjoy the most out of your relationship.
将这一点整合进你的计划里，这样你能最好的享受你们间的关系。
For instance, if you know a certain place or situation that may trigger them, avoid them to the best of your ability.
例如，如果你知道某个地方会触发他们，那么就尽力避免。
The same goes for conversation topics, if you know of a subject that gets them going, steer clear of them and talk about something else.
沟通时选择的话题也一样，如果你知道某个主题会煽动他们，就避免这话题，谈点别的。
Go out to places you can both enjoy yourselves and talk about things you both like talking about.
去那些让你们都感到享受的地方，谈论那些你们喜欢的话题。
Always remind yourself of why this person holds great value to you and that no one is just their disorder.
常提醒自己为什么这个人对你很重要以及没人是完美的。
Lastly, it is most important to accept them.
最后，最重要的是接受他们。
While it may feel like you're walking on eggshells at times, it is important to remember that nothing they are doing that hurts you is intentional.
有时你或许会觉得自己处处谨慎行事，重要的是记住他们所做的每一件伤害到你的事都是无意的。
It is not that they do not want to see things from your point of view but it is that they are unable to.
他们不是不想站在你的角度看问题，只是他们没有这种能力。
You must accept that you will never have an equal relationship with this person if you choose to maintain your relationship with them,
你必须接受，如果你选择和这样的人维系关系，那么在这段关系中，你们绝对不是平等的，
this is all up to you, as no one can tell you what to do but you cannot expect them to change just for you
这完全取决于你自己，没人能告诉你该做什么，但是你无法期待他们为你而改变
and instead you must change your outlook and strategies to keep them in your life if you choose. Remember that they are more than their disorder.
相反选择了他们，你必须改变自己的观点和策略才能让他们留在你的生活中。记住他们绝不仅仅限制于自己的障碍症之中。
That's all from us Pych2go, what do you think about these coping mechanisms? Be sure to subscribe for more tips on living a healthy life.
这就是今天的Pych2go，你觉得这些应对机制怎么样？订阅我们的频道了解更多健康生活的小妙招。
