Ladies and gentlemen—ladies and gentlemen, I have some exciting news from the world of technology. OK?
女士们 先生们——女士们先生们 科技圈最近出了几条激动人心的消息
There is a new innovation that is poised to change life as we know it.
我们知道 技术革命正在改变我们的生活
Are you ready?
你们准备好了吗
Because Domino's Pizza has invented a delivery car with a pizza oven built inside of it.
达美乐披萨发明了配有披萨烤箱的配送车
OK. I've got to be honest, no one was anticipating you'd be that excited.
好吧 说真的 我本来没想到你们会这么开心
You're really into this, right?
你们真的很喜欢这项发明吗
Well, let me tell you more. I have more facts.
我这儿还有别的消息 还有更多
I have more for you because apparently—actually I don't. That's it. Good night.
还有别的 目前——实际上已经没有了 晚安
Apparently, the car heats pizzas on the way to your door, right? It's an oven in a car.
目前 配送车可以在把披萨送上家门的路上保持披萨的温度 因为车里配有烤箱
You realize what this means, right?
你们知道这意味着什么吧
It means, Xzibit from pimp my ride got a job at Domino's.
这就意味着 《嘻哈飙车族》里的艾勒比可以在达美乐披萨店找到工作了

Dawg, you said you like pizza.
兄弟 听说你喜欢披萨
So I put a pizza oven in your car and a fish tank full of marinara sauce.
我们在车里装了烤箱 还准备了一鱼缸的大蒜酱
Domino's says they're doing this to get the pizza to you even faster.
达美乐还说此举可以帮助配送员更快的把披萨送到你家
You know something no one has ever needed?
你知道人们最不需要的东西是什么吗
Domino's sooner. Do you know what I mean?
就是达美乐加快速度 你们知道我什么意思吗
This isn't all Domino's doing. You've probably already seen this.
而达美乐所做的还不止这些 这条可能你们已经看到过了
They've recently launched a promotion where you could now order a pizza
他们还发明了一种新的点餐方式
just by texting them a pizza emoji, right.
只要给他们发送一个披萨表情 他们就会送货上门
Which I guess it explains an eggplant pizzas deliver to my house.
这就是上次有人给我送了一份茄子皮萨的原因吧
A cup of drinks. You want some ...? You want some...?
再来一杯饮料
They're just jokes. They're just jokes.
开玩笑的 开玩笑的
But I actually heard that Taco Bell is going to have an emoji delivery promotion also.
但是我听说塔克钟真的即将上线表情配送功能
It's a little different.
这就有点不同了
You text them a taco and then a toilet and fire.
给他们发一个墨西哥夹饼表情 再加一个厕所和火苗
The whole evening—but where does this end? where does this end?
整晚上——技术会发展到什么地步
We're probably just month away from being able to walk out of your door just yell pizza!
也许一个月后 我们只需要走出家门站在门口喊一声披萨
And have a drone fire pizza into your mouth.
就会有一架无人机把披萨投进你嘴里
And then—
然后——
You're all clapping. You're all clapping but you know that even then—
我看见你们鼓掌了 虽然你们现在在鼓掌 但是你们自己也知道即使是这样
you are still be like ugh, I hate even to open the door and yell.
你们还是会觉得 啊 我不想开门 也懒得喊
But actually drones making deliveries is already a reality.
但无人机运送已经是事实了
We've all heard of Amazon drones but, I don't know if you've heard this,
我们都听说过亚马逊的无人机运输 但不知道你们知不知道
Walmart just announced that they are testing drones to deliver merchandise directly to your house. Yeah.
沃尔玛已经宣布 他们正在测试用无人机送货上门
So finally, you can buy pampers, a case of slim jims and a shotgun all without leaving the comfort of your mobile home, you know.
于是 你们足不出户就可以买到纸尿裤 零食和枪
But the thing is—
但事实是——
I just don't know if I trust Walmart with drone technology.
我也不知道可不可以信任沃尔玛的无人机技术
Do you know what I mean? When amazon said they going to deliver with drones like it felt cool and futuristic.
你们明白吗 如果是亚马逊说 他们要采用无人机运输 我们就会觉得好酷啊
Walmart drones are just going to be 50 pigeons tied to a shopping cart.
但是换成沃尔玛 我就想到50只鸽子绑在一只购物篮上
Do you know what I mean? I know what you're thinking, the biggest problem with Walmart using drone deliveries
你们知道我什么意思吗 我知道你们想什么 如果沃尔玛采用无人机运输的话 最大的问题就是
is now you won't get to say hi to that adorable little old Walmart greeter lady who stands at the door of every Walmart.
你们不能跟站在每家沃尔玛门口那个可爱的老太太打招呼了
Well, don't worry because they've got that covered.
别着急 这点沃尔玛也想到了