Radio: It's two twenty five am and this is for all you lovers who still believe she's stuck in
traffic.
Mike: Yeah, that's probably it, Kate's probably just stuck in traffic, I mean, the theatre is all
the way across campus. OK, I'll give her five more minutes, if she's not here by two thirty, I'm
going home.
(In Mike's head from the play in the last episode)
Kate: I can't decide my whole life in a moment.
Mike: Well a moment's all we got.
Kate: Oh, Oh Mike!
Mike: Oh Kate, I can't hide my feelings from you any more; I wish I could but I can't. Maybe
this is wrong!
Kate: No, no, it's not wrong.
Mike: Look, we'll explain to David.
Kate: Yeah, yeah, we'll just tell him that we didn't plan for it to happen.
Mike: And...and that we didn't even want it to happen.
Kate: Yeah, he'll understand.
Mike: Oh, yeah, he's a great guy.
Kate: Ah, he's a great great guy!
Mike: A great guy.
David: Guys, you guys were great! Oh look, honey, I know I've been a total jerk for the last
few weeks, but I know we can get things back the way they were, Katie. I love you.
Professor Thorn: Alright people, it's time for the bows.
David: Let's go!
Mike: Oh man, where could she be? The play's been over for hours.
Radio: Two thirty in the morning and by the way, there's no traffic...anywhere! She's not
coming.
Mike: Alright, alright, I'll give her five minutes and then I'm out of here. Alright, alright, one
more minute and I'm calling it a night.
Jason: I know how you feel.
Mike: Hi Dad, err...what are you doing still up?
Jason: Getting the morning paper.
Mike: Oh.
Jason: You just getting in?
Mike: Err...
Jason: You spent the night at Kate's, didn't you?
Mike: Err...
Jason: Don't deny it Mike, I saw the way you kissed her!
Mike: Err...
Jason: That's where you were, wasn't it?
Mike: Err...Yeah.
Jason: Ah, God, I'm glad your mother isn't alive to hear this.
Mike: What?
Jason: I'm sorry, it's early, I'm a little groggy; I had to come up with something.
Mike: Well, relax Dad, I spent the whole night in my car...alone, waiting for Kate.
Jason: Oh, Mike, that's pathetic.
Mike: Thank you Dad, for that boost.
Jason: Sorry Mike, I didn't think we'd hit on anything this important before my morning coffee.
Where you going?
Mike: Up to my room so I can shower and get to school, find out where Kate's first class is,
get there and ask her where she was last night. Or is that too pathetic for you?
Jason: Well now that you bring it up, Mike, yeah! You know, Mike, if this girl that you say is so
nuts about you isn't coming home all night, maybe you're misinterpreting her feelings for you.
Hey, just...just don't go out of your way to talk to her.
Mike: I don't have to Dad, she's in my drama class!
Jason: You're missing the point; you can't go chasing this girl around; not until she's worked
out whatever she has to work out with her boyfriend. You gotta find another class, find
another girl, find two, find three!
Mike: Oh, so just to be honourable, I'm supposed to switch to the seven am drama class, and
I'm then supposed to distract myself with one beautiful girl after another, after another, after
another!
Jason: Well, what do you want to hear from me, Mike? You wanna hear, forget honour? Forget
about hurting David? Hey, just go for it.
Mike: That would be good.
Jason: Well, you came to the wrong guy.
Professor Thorn: Alright, present this to the registrar, and I will see you tomorrow morning at
seven a.m sharp. Mr. Seaver, you're entitled to switch your classes around, of course, but you
don't strike me as the sort of student who would relish an early morning commencement to
his academic day.
Mike: Err...pardon me.
Professor Thorn: I never pegged you for an early bird geek.
Mike: Well, I'm half geek on my sister's side. Oh, err...pardon me.
Cindy: Any time. Professor Thorn, I worked real hard, like you said, and I think I've finally got
Shakespeare. S. H. A. K...
Jason: (In Mike's head) Find another girl Mike.
Cindy: No, no, no, don't help me!
Professor Thorn: Would that I could, Cynthia.
Cindy: Darn, it's always the vowels.
Professor Thorn: Yes.
Mike: Ah...no it's OK.
Cindy: No, I'm sure there's no O in either word.
Mike: See I...
Cindy: N! D! Y! That's my name!
Mike: You know, you know, you're perfect for me.
Cindy: Wait a second, Mike. We've been in this class together all semester and you've never
given me the time of day.
Mike: Well...well that's because I guess I've never been ready for a girl like you. You know,
hey what about tonight? Maybe a movie, dinner, just a fun night with no spelling whatsoever.
What do you say?
Cindy: I say, Y. E. X.
Mike: Very, very good. Errm...listen, I gotta get out of here.
Kate: Mike, class is this way.
Mike: Oh, I transferred out.
Kate: Mike, hold on.
Mike: Listen Kate, your class is starting.
Kate: Well, I'd like to talk about this.
Mike: I know, but your class is starting.
Kate: Look, I wanted to call you last night, see what I want you...
Cindy: Mike, about tonight, I forgot what time you were picking me up.
Mike: Oh, err, well I didn't say.
Cindy: Oh, oh good, now I don't feel so bad.
Mike: Cindy, Cindy, Eight o' clock.
Cindy: Oh, oh, OK. I'll remember this time.
Mike: Ah, ah, so you were gonna say that you wanted to call me.
Kate: Class is starting.
Mike: Ooh, David.
David: Hey, Mike, if we don't watch where we're going, one of us is gonna get hurt.
Mike: Tell me about it.
Cindy: I'm still confused.
Mike: OK, OK, what exactly didn't you get about the movie?
Cindy: Well, why does Chevy Chase keep going on vacation when only bad things happen?
Mike: Well, because...err... Heck, I don't know.
Cindy: OK, OK, well then how come he never notices that he has different kids?
Mike: Errm...look Cindy, I don't know about you, but sometimes thinking too much gives me a
head ache.
Cindy: You're so wise, Mike.
Mike: Cindy, I can't do this.
Cindy: Oh, right, oh...better?
Mike: No, no, no, Cindy, it has nothing to do with your breath, it's just that, when I asked you
out I...I did it for not the normal reasons.
Cindy: What exactly are you into?
Ben: Mike, Mom says to tell you... Well hello.
Cindy: Hi, I'm Cindy.
Ben: And I'm actually taller than you are.
Mike: Err, Ben, Mom said to tell me what?
Ben: To share, Mike...to share.
Mike: Ben, get out! Get out! Get out!
Ben: Oh, am I in the way here? Say no more.
Mike: Oh...err...Ben, I didn't mean...
Ben: I know what you mean.
Cindy: Now, where were we?
Mike: Look Cindy, I'm trying to explain to you; I only went out with you as a diversion. I mean,
I only wanted you for you body.
Cindy: What a coincidence! I only want...I only wanted you for my body, too!
Mike: Cindy!
Cindy: Mike, is there something wrong with me?
Mike: Alright! Alright, alright, I'll just come out with and say it; it's your...your spelling.
David: Mike, I have to... Ooh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything here.
Cindy: Don't worry, you didn't. Mike, please don't take this the wrong way, you're a dud.
David: Mike, I have to talk to you.
Mike: Sure, OK.
David: I gotta ask you a flavour.
Mike: OK, ask.
David: I gotta find out what's bothering Kate.
Mike: Ah ha.
David: Something's changed.
Mike: Ah ha.
David: She's talking about...needing some space, re-defining our relationship, our needs,
crazy stuff.
Mike: Ah ha.
David: I can't talk to her.
Mike: Ah ha.
David: Will you?
Mike: Will I what?
David: Will you talk to her?
Mike: You mean, about what's bothering her?

David: Mike, I need to know, alright? And she likes you, and I mean hey, you've been kissing
her more lately than I have.
Mike: Hey, you made me.
David: Hey, look, Mike, I know; it's very difficult to be put in the middle situations like this,
but...
Mike: Oh, you have no idea.
David: Well, listen to me, you're my only hope! Alright? I tried to talk to her last night, I tried
to get her to open up, but we ended up fighting till dawn.
Mike: You guys fought?
David: Yeah.
Mike: Oh, that's great...err...that you guys still have that kind of passion between you.
David: Look, Mike, I'm not leaving until you tell me you'll talk to her.
Professor Thorn: I know Seven a.m is very early my fellow thespians, but the purpose of this
exercise is to tap the inner passions.
Kaiser: I'm ready to tap, sir!
Professor Thorn: Good Tizer, good. Now I want to hear the passion! Release the beast within.
Get out! Out, all of you, out!
Kaiser: This was fun professor, I've never released my beast before. So when do you wanna
start rehearsing?
Mike: Rehearsing what?
Kaiser: While you were sleeping, I volunteered us to a scene from, Death of a Salesman. So,
who do you wanna be, Willie Lowman, or his wife?
Mike: Guess.
Kaiser: Oh, come on, we can't both be the wife!
Professor Thorn: It is so nice to share my time in hell with another human being.
Kate: Mike, I wanna talk to you and this time you're not going anywhere.
Mike: Well, look Kate, if someone should do some talking, it's you and David.
Kate: I know what you're doing, and I don't appreciate it.
Mike: Huh?
Kate: Oh, tell me you didn't ask out little miss bimbo to force me into making a decision.
Mike: Err...I didn't, it was my Dad's idea.
Kate: Right, and now you're gonna tell me she wasn't a bimbo, huh? huh?
Mike: Alright, alright, there was a high level of bimbosity there.
Kate: Mike...
Mike: Look Kate, what am I explaining Cindy to you for, huh? It's really none of your business.
Just like it's none of my business where you were when I was waiting outside your dorm for
you, till dawn. Look Kate, I'm just trying to stay away from you and David. But now I've got
him coming over and jumping in my bed, and you coming over and grilling me about some girl
who can't even spell, yes... But she can sure say it.
Kate: You waited for me, till dawn!
Mike: Yeah.
Kate: Mike, David and I just argued, that's all.
Mike: Yeah, I heard. He told me that when he asked me to find out what's wrong between
you guys. Woo, big news story.
Kate: I have tried to tell him, he just won't listen, he's so bull-headed.
Mike: Look, Kate, I'm just trying to do the right thing here. You know I'm trying to get you out
of my mind, but it's not working.
Kate: Good.
Kaiser: Mike, I thought it over and I've been a pig; you can be my wife, and I'll be your Willy.
(Mike's dream)
David: Mike, Mike, what did Kate say?
Mike: Look David, there's no need to put you through this torture; Kate doesn't love you, she
loves me and I love her.
David: What? You took my girl! You took my one reason for living! When don't you just shoot
me?
Mike: What'd you shoot him for?
Kate: For us. I'll go through his wallet.
Mike: But...but that would be stealing.
Kate: But taking me wasn't!
Mike: No, no, no, Kat look, this is not how it's supposed to go. Look, this is all wrong...except
for that outfit.
Kate: Do you really like it or are you just saying that?
Mike: Kate, Kate, pay attention, come on! This is how it's gonna go.
David: Mike, Mike, what did Kate say?
Mike: Look David, there's no need to put you through this torture. Kate doesn't love you, she
loves me, and I love her.
David: Oh, OK.
Mike: OK! You mean, you're not mad!
David: Why should I be mad? I mean I know you two are just friends, you didn't plan any of
this. I'm the one who made you kiss in that play. I mean, if anyone should be apologizing,
that's me.
Mike: Oh, well, I thought that you'd be a little bit angry.
David: Come on, I'm too happy for you two kids, to be mad. I just wish Katy was here to
share in this joy.
Kate: How's this one, Mike?
David: Ooooowweee! Now are you two kids gonna have some fun, or what?
Mike: Oh, who's that?
David: That's me!
Mike: But you're here.
David: Oh, no I'm not.
David: (David is banging at the door) Mike! Mike! Mike! Did I wake you?
Mike: No David, I was in the middle of a really long blink.
David: Sorry, I couldn't sleep.
Mike: Well couldn't you have not slept back at your place?
David: I know you talked to Kate.
Mike: You do?
David: Well she told me that much, but that's all.
Mike: Well look David, if Kate doesn't wanna tell you what's bothering her, then I don't think
it's my place to be...
David: Mike! I'm going crazy here! I gotta know, I mean, even if it's over it would be better
than this.
Mike: It would?
David: Anything would be better than this. Mike, what did Kate say?
Mike: Look David, we were just friends, alright? Look we didn't plan for any of this to happen,
and nothing went on behind your back! We only found out how we felt after we did that play
together.
David: What...what are you talking about?
Mike: Look, there's no reason to put you through this torture, Kate doesn't love you, she loves
me and I love her. And the last thing we wanted was to hurt you...honest, look, I give you my
word as your friend.
David: Friend!
Mike: This wasn't how it was meant to go, at all. But this is how it went.
Mike: Kate! Kate, come on, wake up!
Kate: Mike!
Mike: Yeah, it's me. Come on, open the door.
Kate: Mike, it's the middle of the night. What's going on?
Mike: Look Kate, this just can't wait.
Kate: Oh Mike, look what happened to your eye.
Mike: I know, look, David came over and I was half a sleep and I didn't mean to tell him,
but...
Kate: Tell him what?
Mike: Look, he knew that I'd talked to you but, you know what a hot-head David can be; so I
told him that I was the reason that you two were having problems. He hit me!
Kate: What?
Mike: Yeah, can you believe, he hit me?
Kate: You told him about us!
Mike: Yes, look, at least now it's out in the open and David knows...the worst is over now! You
hit me!
Kate: How dare you tell him about us? Get out! Get out! Get out!
Mike: Well if that's your attitude, I'm leaving.
Jason: I understand everything you said, Mike. The only thing I don't get is why Kate hit you.
Maggie: Oh, it makes perfect sense to me.
Mike: Yeah, women are nuts! Right, Dad?
Jason: Hey, hey. Well, Psychiatrists rarely like to use the term, nuts...besides we're out of
steaks.
Maggie: Mike, you had no business telling David how Kate felt. She probably wanted to do that
herself, I would.
Mike: Well then, why didn't she?
Maggie: Well she probably has pretty deep feelings for David, feelings that have been around
a long time.
Mike: Well then, how can she be so crazy about me?
Maggie: Mike, you don't know if she's crazy about you, and you don't know if she's crazy
about David, you never gave her a chance to decide.
Mike: Hey, well somebody had to say something.
Maggie: Oh, that is so...male! Well you see things your way, and you assume that everybody
else sees things the same way; so you act and it doesn't matter who you hurt?
Mike: Who I hurt! Oh, I'm sorry, Mom, excuse me for being so thoughtless and landing my
face under their fists.
Maggie: Jason, I'm surprised you didn't tell him to stay away until they worked this thing out.
Jason: That's exactly what I told him.
Maggie: Well then, how did our son get those shiners, huh? Huh?
Jason: You know... You're right, women are nuts.
Maggie: But we do have excellent hearing!
Carol: Mike...
Mike: Look Carol, the last thing I need right now is you, alright?
Carol: Mike, I'm not here to gloat or to take pleasure in your pain.
Mike: You're not?
Carol: Well, I was eaves-dropping on the in the hall and I heard what you went through, and
I'm really sorry because it sounds like you tried to do the right thing, but nobody would let
you.
Mike: Well, well yeah, that's true.
Carol: And I just wanted you to know that Mom was a little base, and Dad was right; women
can be a tad insensitive.
Mike: Well gosh, Carol, I don't know what to say.
Carol: Say cheese. Got it.
Kaiser: Great class today, professor, and thanks for those super duper acting tips.
Professor Thorn: Don't mention it Kaiser, that means a lot coming from a future bank teller.
Kaiser: Oh, Mike...
Professor Thorn: No, no, Kaiser, for the twentieth time, I do not have my dress for our scene!
Kaiser: Women are nuts.
Mike: Hey David, hey err...I just wanted to say that I was wrong for telling you what Kate
wanted because I don't have a clue as to what Kate wants, and err...those things that I said,
they were more wishful thinking than anything else. I got carried away and I'm sorry,
I...I...really hope that you two can work things out.
David: Yeah right.
Mike: Hey, look man, I really want you to know that...that I'm truly sorry and...and I think of
you as a friend.
David: Well...on another day that might mean something, alright?
Kate: Hi.
Mike: Hi.
Kate: I've been waiting for you.
Mike: Hey look, Kate, I just want you to know that I've already explained to David that I was
completely out of line by speaking for you.
Kate: No, you weren't.
Mike: Pardon me.
Kate: Well, even though you shouldn't have, it was the right thing to do.
Mike: Look, Kate, I think it would be a lot easier if you'd just hit me again.
Kate: Oh Mike...
Mike: Look Kate, I just want you to know that I am going to back off, OK, until you and David
can figure out whatever it is between you guys...
Kate: Mike...I broke up with David today.
Mike: Oh no, Kate, I don't think you should have done that for me.
Kate: I didn't do it for you, I did it for me. It's something that I should have done a long time
ago, so then when I met you, anything might have happened.
Mike: Might have?
Kate: Look, David feels lousy, you feel lousy, and I feel lousy.
Mike: You're leaving?
Kate: I don't know.
Mike: Kate, why did you come?
Kate: I'm not sure.
Mike: Would now be a really bad time to put my arm around you?
Kate: Yes, but I'd like it anyway.