Topic（题目）：

Technology has made the world a better place to live?

Target text（文章正文）:

开头：Nowadays, no one can deny the fact that an increasing number of people tend to live a better and comfortable life brought by various technologies: computer, smart telephone, TV, washing machine, GPS. Thus, I definitely agree with the point that technology has made the world a better place to live which means that technology improve our standards of life and utterly change our lifestyle. I am going to show some of the important reasons to support my view. (I will explain my point of view with examples and reasoning in the following paragraphs)

另一种开头写法：

Undeniably, an increasing number of technologies owning to the efforts of scientists and organizations have been replete with our life. When it comes to the function of various technologies, whether technology has passive effect on our life has been debated heavily among public. Some people reckon that people tend to live a better and comfortable life brought by technologies. While others hold the opposite point of view that many technologies may contaminate environment. As far as I concern, I prefer the former standpoint. I will explain my point of view with examples and reasoning in the following paragraphs.

To begin with, with the development of mechanical technology, more and more disease and disabilities can be cured which directly leads to less mortality, like artificial limb implants in disabled person . And besides, this technology makes it possible for people to lead a healthier life and spend more time with friends, families and lovers. In fact, in the past time, seldom did people have longevities. People could not live until age of fifty, many of which died from kinds of illnesses which cannot be treated in time. However, contemporary men variably live until eighty years old, and some can even die after age of a hundred. Last year, my grandfather suffered a heart attack. If he had not achieved the operation, I would not look after him now. Admittedly, it is the technology that saves his life and helps him to recover from the bad situation.

Secondly, computer combined with Internet has totally changed our life and made a better world. Previously, it is hard for people to achieve news and information about what happens in the world, for they can merely learn news by newspaper. And it is difficult for them to find what they want to know, especially for students. They seemed to live a little dull life. Nevertheless, people nowadays are able to surf the Internet from with they can benefit a lot: learn the latest news immediatly after what interesting things happen, search any knowledge whenever we need, even do online shopping and chat with your friends instead of sending letters. When I was in elementary school, computers were only used in large companies as a commercial tool. As time passed, according to a new survey, about 70 percent of dwellers in my country depend on computers to communicate with others, do online shopping, search information. I believe, more and more functions will be found.

Finally, technologies, such as washing machines and vacuum cleaner, used for doing household works play a significant role in our daily life. With those technologies, it is not necessary for us to wash clothes by hands and to hardly clear rooms by ourselves which saves us much time which otherwise can be took advantage to do more meaningful things.
Although, some technologies can cause the environmental pollution-cars produce noise and wasteful emissions, factories bring effluent-which exerts damaging impact on nature. However, by pouring large amounts of money on new environmental-friendly technologies, the problem may be gradually settled.

To sum up, technologies like the computer, medicinal appliances, washing machines have lifted the quality of life to a new height. Thus, it is impossible for us to neglect the huge passive influence brought by technology.

Revised essay（批改后）：

Undeniably, an increasing number of technologies owning to the efforts of scientists and organizations have been replete with our life. When it comes to the function of various technologies, whether technology has passive effect on our life has been debated heavily among public. Some people reckon that people tend to live a better and comfortable life brought by technologies. While others hold the opposite point of view that many technologies may contaminate [the]environment. As far as I concern[I am concerned], I prefer the former standpoint. I will explain my point of view with examples and reasoning in the following paragraphs.

To begin with, with the development of mechanical technology, more and more disease [diseases]and disabilities can be cured which directly leads to less mortality, like artificial limb implants in disabled person . And besides, this technology makes it possible for people to lead a healthier life and spend more time with friends, families and lovers. In fact, in the pasttime,[去掉time] seldom did people have longevities. People could not live until age of fifty, many of which[whom] died from kinds of illnesses which cannot be treated in time. However, contemporary men variably live until eighty years old, and some can even die after [the ]age of a hundred. Last year, my grandfather suffered a heart attack. If he had not achieved the operation, I would not look after him now. Admittedly, it is the technology that saves his life and helps him to recover from the bad situation.

Secondly, computer combined with [the]Internet has totally changed our life and made a better world. Previously, it is hard for people to achieve news and information about what happens in the world, for they can merely learn news by newspaper. And it is difficult for them to find what they want to know, especially for students. They seemed to live a little dull life.[这个应该用一般过去时比较合适] Nevertheless, people nowadays are able to surf the Internet from with they can benefit a lot: learn the latest news immediatly [拼写错误]after what[去掉what] interesting things happen, search any knowledge whenever we need, even do online shopping and chat with your friends instead of sending letters. When I was in elementary school, computers were only used in large companies as a commercial tool. As time passed, [passes]according to a new survey, about 70 percent of dwellers in my country depend on computers to communicate with others, do online shopping, search information. I believe, more and more functions will be found.

Finally, technologies, such as washing machines and vacuum cleaner, used for doing household works play a significant role in our daily life. With those technologies, it is not necessary for us to wash clothes by hands and to hardly clear rooms by ourselves which saves us much time which otherwise can be took advantage to do more meaningful things.
Although, some technologies can cause the environmental pollution-cars produce noise and wasteful emissions, factories bring effluent-which exerts damaging impact on nature. However, by pouring large amounts of money on [into]new environmental-friendly technologies, the problem may be gradually settled.

To sum up, technologies like the computer, medicinal appliances, washing machines have lifted the quality of life to a new height. Thus, it is impossible for us to neglect the huge passive influence brought by technology.

TPO小站综合点评及批改意见：

总的来说，思路是比较清晰的，写的也不错，只是语法问题有点多，看看自己哪儿有问题，下次尽量不要出现。加油

预估分数：4.5

学习建议：

1、总的来说，思路是比较清晰的，写的也不错，只是语法问题有点多，看看自己哪儿有问题，下次尽量不要出现。加油

2、尽量多阅读范文，模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。

3、多阅读不同类型话题的文章，积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。

4、可以多引用别人的观点内容。

5、阅读范文过程中，注意作者如何反向论证观点。