托福写作批改点评 第3期:独立机经
日期:2014-08-22 10:21

(单词翻译:单击)

Topic(题目):

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? technology has made people’s lives more complicated rahter than easier.


Target text(文章正文):

Since a great many achievements have been accomplished in recent decades, debates have sprung up among people worldwide as to whether technology has made people’s lives more easier or not. Some claim that technology makes people’s lives more complex because there are many problems appearing, such as the air pollution and environment damaging, with the advanced development of technology. While others hold the opposite opinion. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the later idea that technological growth of internet, transportation and entertainment devices has made people’s lives much more simpler than ever before. Several persuasive reasons go as follow.

First of all, due to the growth of internet, people can enjoy more convenient communication than ever.

For one thing, in the last century, writing letters is the only way to communicate with each other. That needs more energy and time. However, with the help of internet nowadays, people at different corners of the world can communicate with each other by internet which has a significantly high speed and a low cost. In addition, shopping becomes more free and easier than ever before. In the past, when people want to go shopping, they have to wait for weekends or holidays and meanwhile they have to spend more time on choosing products. But now, people at different time and places have opportunities to go shopping, because of the internet. Currently, going shopping by internet is welcomed by many people. It is technology that had cleared away that barriers that once prevented people from leading a convenient life.

Second, advanced technology has also improved people’s transportation conditions. In the past, there was a few choices about transportation. Many people who went out had to go on foot or take bikes. What’s worse, they even had no trains to take. Thus, they were afraid of taking long distance travel because of the poor transportations. In sharp contrast, it is technology that improves people’s traveling conditions. Nowadays, people can travel from one place to another by planes only in few hours, while it would take our ancestors several months or even years in the ancient time. Therefore, we can safely

conclude that technology provides us many unimaginable tools that benefit people's lives.
Finally, it is true that technology developments have also brought some serious problems. One of them is that some technological developments have done harm to environment. For example, too much emission of gases, mainly carbon dioxide, has increased the global temperature significantly. But technology has some advantages, such as improving people’s communication ways, enhancing people’s transportation conditions. So the advantages exceed the disadvantages of technology.

In short, instances of the same sort can be multiplies indefinitely. When taking into account all these merits we can safely arrive at the conclusion that technology has made people’s lives more easier and simpler than ever before.


Feedback and Review(点评及修改)


优点:

总的来说在,这篇文章的结构组织还是不错的,语言运用也比较熟练。


缺点及改进建议:

1、尽量多阅读范文,模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。

2、多阅读不同类型话题的文章,积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。

3、可以多引用别人的观点内容。

4、阅读范文过程中,注意作者如何反向论证观点。

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重点单词
  • exceedvt. 超过,胜过,超出界限 vi. 领先
  • temperaturen. 温度,气温,体温,发烧
  • benefitn. 利益,津贴,保险金,义卖,义演 vt. 有益于,得
  • concernedadj. 担忧的,关心的
  • pollutionn. 污染,污染物
  • globaladj. 全球性的,全世界的,球状的,全局的
  • transportationn. 运输,运输系统,运输工具
  • disagreev. 不一致,有分歧,不适应,不适宜
  • additionn. 增加,附加物,加法
  • complexadj. 复杂的,复合的,合成的 n. 复合体,综合体,