(单词翻译:单击)
Some stuff just really need to stay private, OK?
有些事还是不要外传的好，行吗？
1) When One of You Cheats
1）你们中有一个出轨了
Whether it was an emotional or physical affair (yes, there's a difference and yes, they're both considered infidelity), any acts that had you or your partner straying outside your relationship need to be kept quiet, says Firstein. It's common to want to vent to someone else — say, your mom or your best friend — but Firstein says that can irreparably damage their opinion of your partner. And while that may be NBD if the two of you decide to separate, if you want to make a comeback it'll be that much harder.
不管是精神出轨还是肉体出轨（是的，两者存在差异，但都是不忠），但不论你亦或是另一半的出轨行径都不该外传，弗斯坦（Firstein）说道。想要向他人发泄是很正常的——比如，向你的母亲或闺蜜——但弗斯坦说这会彻底改变她们对你另一半的看法。如果你们俩决定分居，这没什么大不了，但如果你还想修复两人的关系，那就难得多了。
"Because others know about it, it will linger on and you'll have to deal with their feelings and judgment for however long they decide," says Firstein. Think about it: If your mom knows, then every time you have a small fight with your guy and need to vent, she'll always be able to bring it back to the affair, even if it has nothing to do with that. (Plus, just imagine the daggers of hatred shooting from her eyes at every family get-together from there on out. Awk-ward.) Instead, talk to an individual or couples therapist about the affair whenever you need to — they create a safe space for you to get your emotions out without a side of judgment.
“因为其他人都知道这事了，它会一直存在，并且只要知情人乐意，你就必须照顾他们的感受和想法，”弗斯坦说道。想想看：如果你母亲知道了，之后每一次你和丈夫小吵一架想要发泄时，她都会提起他的出轨，就算你们的争吵与这件事毫无关系。（另外，想想看自那以后每次参加家庭聚会，你老妈向他投射的犀利眼神吧。真是尴尬。）其实任何你需要的时候，都可以和个人或夫妻治疗师谈论出轨事件——他们能创造出一种安全的空间：大声说出自己的情感而不用担心遭人指指点点。
2) When One (or Both) of You Is Going Through Something Private
2）你们中一个或两者都在经历一些私人的事情
It sounds like a given, but Firstein says it's worth repeating: If your partner you about a private family matter (his sibling has a serious health condition, for example) or a less-than-ideal situation he's in (like the loss of a job), keep your mouth shut. When he opens up to you like that, it's proof that he trusts you and your ability to handle the situation in a respectful manner, she says. Don't break that trust by opening up to someone else — even if it's simply because you're looking for advice on how to console him. Instead, "it's best to just listen and be there," says Firstein. "It's a touchy issue, but the best thing you can do is let him talk, and be caring and empathetic."
这听起来像是个假设，但弗斯坦说这值得重复：如果你的伴侣和你吐露了一个家族问题（比如，他的兄弟姐妹有严重的健康问题）或者谈了他目前正处于一种不甚理想的情况下（比如失业了），那千万别和他人提及。当他愿意和你谈这类事情时，就表明他很信任你，相信你会你妥善处理这些事情，她说道。不要和别人碎嘴而打破了这种信任——即使你只是想寻求建议如何安慰他。其实，“最好的做法就是倾听、陪伴，”弗斯坦说道。“这是件棘手的事情，最好的做法就是让他倾诉、同时关爱、同情他。”
译文属可可原创，仅供学习交流使用，未经许可请勿转载
