YOU can tell a lot about a person by whom they choose to marry. As the nominees selected at this week’s Republican National Convention and next week’s Democratic one take the stage along with their family members, they will display not only stark policy differences, but also two competing views of marriage, kin and the role of women in society. What we saw from Republicans: Men who want their wives at home while they celebrate the professional successes of their daughters.

从一个人对终身伴侣的选择上，可以了解到不少有关这个人的情况。本周共和党全国代表大会和下周的民主党全国代表大会上，提名人都要携家庭成员登台，他们不仅要展示明显的政策分歧，也要展现两种截然不同的婚姻观、亲情观，以及对于女性社会角色的看法。我们从共和党一方看到的迹象是：男人希望妻子留在家里，同时又会庆祝女儿在职业生涯中的胜利。

The Republican Party has long praised traditional family values and intrinsic differences between men and women, while Democrats emphasize egalitarianism and expanding opportunities for women and girls. Few candidates in recent history have embodied those dissimilarities in such sharp relief as Hillary Clinton and Donald J. Trump. On Monday night, Mr. Trump’s wife, Melania, spoke about her husband and their family values. The speech was, like the woman herself, fairly unobjectionable on its face, with platitudes about family and country, patriotism and hard work. Like much of the Trump image, though, the shiny veneer hid shoddy construction: The very same parts of the speech that lauded integrity, hard work and honesty were lifted almost word for word from Michelle Obama’s 2008 convention speech.

共和党长久以来都拥护传统的家庭价值观，以及男性和女性的固有区别；而民主党强调平等主义，提倡为女人和女孩增加机会。近年来，很少有哪两个候选人像希拉里·克林顿(Hillary Clinton)和唐纳德·J·特朗普(Donald J. Trump)这样，鲜明地体现出这些区别。星期一晚上，特朗普的妻子梅拉尼娅(Melania)谈到了丈夫和他们的家庭价值观。这场演讲和她本人一样，表面上并不会引起反感，都是一些关于家庭和国家、爱国主义以及勤奋工作的陈词滥调。然而和特朗普塑造的大部分形象一样，这段演讲也是金玉其外败絮其中：其中恰恰是关于正直、辛勤工作与诚实的部分，是逐字逐句从米歇尔·奥巴马(Michelle Obama)2008年民主党大会演讲中剽窃而来的。

It seems not even purported Trump family values are authentic. To borrow from Mr. Trump: sad.

甚至所谓的特朗普的家庭价值观也不是真实的。用特朗普的话说：可悲。

One traditional value Mr. Trump does hew to: wanting an old-fashioned wife but a modern, professional daughter. On Thursday, convention-goers heard from the elder Trump daughter, Ivanka, a successful businesswoman whose feminism-tinged speech about the gender wage gap and affordable child care sounded less like any policy positions ever pushed by Mr. Trump and more like her book-in-progress, “Women Who Work.” They also witnessed how the Trump family embodies a very old sexist hypocrisy: Men who want one thing for their wives and another for their children.

特朗普所坚持的一个传统价值观是：妻子是老派的，但女儿则是现代化的、职业化的。星期四，特朗普的长女、成功的商业女性伊万卡(Ivanka)向参与大会的人发表了带有女权主义色彩的演讲，谈到两性之间工资差异，以及可负担的儿童保育费用，它们听上去不太像特朗普所推行的任何政策立场，而更像是她正在写的那本《工作的女人》(Women Who Work)。与会者们还目睹特朗普一家上演了一幅老套的性别歧视虚伪画面：男人对妻子要求的是一回事，向子女要求的又是另一回事。

While Trump family values may not be particularly honorable, they are perversely traditional. Melania Trump told the R.N.C. audience that “Donald is intensely loyal to family,” a claim belied by his own marital history — she is wife No. 3, and No. 2 was the woman with whom he cheated on No 1. Mr. Trump has children with three different women; he blames giving his wife too much responsibility in his business for his first divorce, and his wife’s wanting him to spend too much time at home with her and their daughter for his second.

特朗普的家庭价值观可能不是特别值得尊敬，但他们却异常传统。梅拉尼娅·特朗普告诉共和党全国代表大会的观众，“唐纳德特别忠于家庭”，这句话和他的婚史是矛盾的——她是他的第三任妻子，而他是背叛了第一任妻子才娶了第二任妻子。特朗普和三个女人都生了孩子；第一次离婚时，他说要怪自己给了妻子太多管理他企业事务的责任；而第二次他责怪妻子希望他花太多时间待在家里陪伴她和女儿。

The qualities Mr. Trump seeks in his romantic partners are remarkably retro. Melania Trump is a former model with her own QVC jewelry line and skin care brand who emphasizes that her role as a mother comes before all else; Mr. Trump has spoken disparagingly of working women, does little in the way of child care, and expects women to be more aesthetically appealing than intellectually substantive. “We know our roles,” his wife has said. “I didn’t want him to change the diapers or put Barron to bed.” Mr. Trump agrees: “I won’t do anything” to take care of the children, he told Howard Stern in 2005. “I’ll supply funds and she’ll take care of the kids.” By contrast, Mr. Trump took out a campaign ad featuring Ivanka, and said of her: “I am so proud of Ivanka. She is a terrific person, a devoted mother and an exceptional entrepreneur.”

特朗普选择恋人的标准非常复古。梅拉尼娅·特朗普原本是个模特，拥有自己的QVC首饰生产线和护肤品品牌，她强调自己的角色首先是个母亲；特朗普以贬损的口气说起工作女性，对儿童保育工作所做甚少，希望女人外貌要美，而不是要有大脑。“我们知道我们的角色分工，”他的妻子说过。“我不希望他去换尿布或者照顾巴戎(Barron)睡觉。”特朗普表示同意：“我不会做什么照顾孩子的事”，2005年，他对霍华德·斯特恩(Howard Stern)说。“我出钱，她出力。”相反，特朗普推出的竞选广告上有伊万卡，他说：“我为伊万卡而骄傲，她是个很棒的人，一个充满奉献精神的母亲和一个杰出的企业家。”

It can feel unfair to criticize political spouses, who are often dragged into the spotlight only because of whom they married. Mr. Trump, though, is running for office, making his treatment of women — personal and political — as relevant as his treatment of his employees or business partners. The distinctions between the Clinton marriage and the Trumps’ reflect an uncomfortable evolution also happening in homes across the United States. In the past half-century, American women have undergone a transformation in roles, and married couples now look a lot more like the Clintons — or Ivanka Trump and her husband, Jared Kushner — than whatever traditional view of women and home life that Mr. Trump holds: Most women work outside the home full time, and men increasingly marry women who are their educational and professional equals.

政治家的配偶经常只是因为伴侣才被勉强拖入聚光灯下，批评他们显得不太公平。然而特朗普正在竞选总统职位，因此他对待女人的方式——不管是私人生活中还是政治生活中——都和他对待雇员或商业伴侣的方式是有关的。克林顿的婚姻与特朗普的婚姻之间的区别，反映出一种令人不舒服的演化，这种变化也同样发生在全美国的家庭里。半个世纪以来，美国女人经历了角色的转变，夫妻之间的关系更像是克林顿夫妇，或者也更像伊万卡·特朗普与她丈夫贾里德·库什纳(Jared Kushner)，而不是像特朗普坚持的那种女人和家庭的传统观点；如今大多数女人都全职工作，男人愈来愈倾向于同拥有同样教育和职业背景的女人结婚。

But the public remains deeply ambivalent about these shifts. Today, 40 percent of women are their family’s primary breadwinners, and nearly 80 percent of Americans agree that women should not return to traditional roles in society. A third still say it’s best for small children if Mom doesn’t work at all. The Republican Party has particularly struggled to accept this new model, and still pushes back on women’s progress by opposing policies that would help women work and plan their families: things like federally funded child care, paid parental leave and access to birth control. Ivanka Trump’s speech on Thursday was closer to a laundry list of the very policies Democrats have promoted and Republicans have tried to block.

但是公众对这些变化抱有深深的矛盾心态。如今，40%的女人是家中主要收入来源的提供者，将近80%的美国人都同意，女人不应当回到传统的社会角色中去了。然而三分之一的人仍然认为，母亲不工作，对于小孩来说是最好的。共和党一直很勉强地接受这个新角色，仍然在通过反对帮助女人工作和为生育做计划的法案来延缓女性进步的脚步，比如联邦拨款的儿童保育、带薪产假和生育控制等。伊万卡·特朗普周四的演说很接近民主党致力推进而共和党竭力反对的政策清单。

And like Mr. Trump praising his daughter’s business acumen, men want different things in their wives than in their daughters. Changing gender roles look less threatening when it’s their children who benefit. According to a survey published by Maria Shriver’s Shriver Report, American men listed “intelligence” as the top quality they valued in both a wife and a daughter, but then the responses split: More men said they wanted their wives to be attractive and sweet than said the same about their female children. For daughters, men ranked being independent, strong and principled as more important qualities than those same characteristics in wives. Two-thirds of men want an independent daughter, but only one in three wants an independent wife. Fourteen percent of men said they wanted a wife who was a homemaker; just 5 percent said the same about their daughters.

正如特朗普赞扬女儿的商业头脑，男人对妻子的要求和女儿的要求是不一样的。如果能令子女受益，性别角色的改变看上去也就不会那么有威胁性。根据玛丽亚·施赖弗(Maria Shriver)的施赖弗报告，美国男人把“智慧”列为他们最希望妻子和女儿拥有的品质，但接下来的回答就分裂了：说希望妻子迷人可爱的男人比说希望女儿迷人可爱的男人多。而希望女儿更加独立、坚强和坚持原则的男人比希望妻子拥有相同品质的男人多。三分之二的男人希望女儿独立，但是只有三分之一的男人希望妻子独立。14%的男人说他们希望妻子能持家，只有5%的男人希望女儿能持家。

This dynamic seems to play out in the Trump family: Mr. Trump’s wife is professionally attractive, anecdotally nice and by her own telling fairly traditional, while his elder daughter is a strong, independent and well-educated businesswoman who was mentored by her father and rose to prominence inside his companies. Ivanka has been more publicly involved in the campaign than her stepmother, serving as something of a surrogate spouse to Mr. Trump by defending his treatment of women and emphasizing his good character. And it was Ivanka, not Melania Trump, who not only introduced Mr. Trump as the Republican Party nominee on Thursday night, but highlighted what he would do in office to help women.

这种动态似乎正好体现在特朗普一家身上：特朗普的妻子在职业上很有魅力，据说人很好，据她自己说也相当传统；而他的大女儿是个坚强、独立、受过良好教育的事业女性，受她父亲教导，在他的公司开始出名。伊万卡在竞选宣传中比她的继母曝光更多，扮演了特朗普配偶的替代品角色，为他对待女人的方式进行辩护，强调他的好品质。周四晚上，也是伊万卡，而不是梅拉尼娅，介绍特朗普作为共和党提名人，而且强调他一旦入主白宫，会采取何种政策帮助女性。

This female empowerment narrative — of the daughter, not the wife — is one Americans are more ready to accept. A man who says he’s never changed a diaper and is on his third marriage to a former model may appeal to a resentful male minority, but will look unfamiliar and unappealing in much of the country. A successful child, though — that’s relatable and desirable. When men have daughters, their attitudes shift and they begin to adhere less stringently to traditional gender roles; no similar effect happens to mothers of girls. Fathers of daughters are also more likely to support reproductive rights than men who don’t have girls.

这种由女儿而不是妻子来进行的女性赋权叙事是美国人更容易接受的。一个说自己绝对不会换尿布、结过三次婚、第三任妻子以前是模特的男人，可能会对少数心怀不满的男性有吸引力，但是对这个国家的大多数人来说可能不太常见，也不令人喜欢。然而一个成功的孩子就令人喜闻乐见了。男人有了女儿后，他的态度会改变，不再那么严格拘泥于传统的性别角色；但对女儿的妈妈就不会有类似的转变。有女儿的父亲会比没有女儿的男人可能会更支持生育的权利。

Men have often given their female offspring more opportunities than their female partners, perhaps seeing their children as extensions of themselves. Even today, many men find themselves newly appalled at sexism after having a girl, a reaction apparently not stoked by being born of a woman, married to a woman or simply seeing women as human. In our reluctantly feminist America, one question this election poses is whether we’ve evolved enough to value women as individuals instead of assessing them relationally, as an attractive wife supporting her husband or as a high-achieving daughter reflecting a flattering light back on her parents.

相比女性伴侣，男人经常会给自己的女性后代更多机会，或许是因为他们把孩子视为自己的延续。甚至到了今天，很多男人也是在有了女儿之后，才开始厌恶性别歧视，这个反应显然不是天生就是女人、和女人结婚，或者把女人当做人来看待所能产生的。在这个勉强算得上女权主义的美国，这次选举暴露出来一个问题，我们是不是已经进步到按照个体的价值来评价女人，而不是按照与她们的关系来衡量她们，只把她们当做支持丈夫的迷人妻子或是取得很高成就、能为父母脸上增光的女儿。

It’s a question Mr. Trump has addressed in his personal life. His answer isn’t very pretty.

这就是特朗普的个人生活所显示出来的问题。他的回答并不是太妙。