It wasn’t the first time. When I was little I went to the bazaar with my mother and spotted a pile of almonds on a cart. They looked so tasty that I couldn’t resist grabbing a handful. My mother told me off and apologised to the cart owner. He was furious and would not be placated. We still had little money and my mother checked her purse to see what she had. ‘Can you sell them to me for ten rupees?’ she asked. ‘No, ’ he replied. ‘Almonds are very costly.’

这不是第一次了。当我还小的时候，有一次，我和母亲去市场，看到一台装满杏仁的推车。杏仁看起来实在是太好吃了，我无法抗拒，伸手抓了一把。母亲要我放回去，并向推车的老板道歉。但老板很生气，不愿就这样罢休。我们身上只有一点钱，母亲打开钱包看看还剩多少。“你愿意十卢比卖给我们吗？”她问道。“不能，”老板回答，“杏仁是很贵的。”

My mother was very upset and told my father. He immediately went and bought the whole lot from the man and put them in a glass dish.

母亲很难过，告诉了父亲这件事。父亲立刻出发，买下来那个老板全部的杏仁，回来放在玻璃盘子上。

‘Almonds are good, ’ he said. ‘If you eat them with milk just before bed it makes you brainy.’ But I knew he didn’t have much money and the almonds in the dish were a reminder of my guilt. I promised myself I’d never do such a thing again. And now I had. My mother took me to say sorry to Safina and her parents. It was very hard. Safina said nothing about my phone, which didn’t seem fair, but I didn’t mention it either.

“杏仁是很好的食物，”他说，“睡前吃杏仁配牛奶，会让你变得聪明。”但我知道父亲没什么钱，而盘里的杏仁是用来提醒我犯下的错。我跟自己约定决不再犯同样的错误。结果，我却又犯了。母亲带我去向萨芬娜和她的父母道歉。这真的很难。萨芬娜对我的手机的事情只字未提，虽然很不公平，但我也什么都没说。

Though I felt bad, I was also relieved it was over. Since that day I have never lied or stolen. Not a single lie nor a single penny, not even the coins my father leaves around the house, which we’re allowed to buy snacks with. I also stopped wearing jewellery because I asked myself, What are these baubles which tempt me? Why should I lose my character for a few metal trinkets? But I still feel guilty, and to this day I say sorry to God in my prayers.

虽然我感觉糟透了，但我相信这一切已经结束。从那天起，我再也没有说过谎或偷过东西，连父亲留在家里让我们买零食的硬币，我也没拿过。我也开始不再佩戴珠宝了，因为我问我自己：这些吸引你的小玩意儿是什么？为什么要为了这些不值钱的小首饰，丢了自己的人格？但我还是满心罪恶感，直至今日，我仍每天在祷告中向真主道歉。

My mother and father tell each other everything so Aba soon found out why I was so sad. I could see in his eyes that I had failed him. I wanted him to be proud of me, like he was when I was presented with the first-in-year trophies at school. Or the day our kindergarten teacher Miss Ulfat told him I had written, ‘Only Speak in Urdu, ’ on the blackboard for my classmates at the start of an Urdu lesson so we would learn the language faster.

我的父母每天都会向对方诉说一切，所以很快，父亲就知道了我心情不佳的原因。从他的眼中，我明白我让他失望了。我多么想让他继续为我感到骄傲，就像我在学校里获得年度第一名奖状的时候；或是像我的幼儿园老师乌尔菲特小姐告诉他的，在班上开始学乌尔都语时，我在黑板上写下“请只讲乌尔都语”，以便大家能更快地学习这门语言。