I had started taking the bus because my mother was scared of me walking on my own. We had been getting threats all year. Some were in the newspapers, some were notes or messages passed on by people. My mother was worried about me, but the Taliban had never come for a girl and I was more concerned they would target my father as he was always speaking out against them. His close friend and fellow campaigner Zahid Khan had been shot in the face in August on his way to prayers and I knew everyone was telling my father, ‘Take care, you’ll be next.’

我开始搭校车，是因为母亲不敢让我独自上路。我们一年到头都被人威胁，有些刊登在报纸上，有些是其他人转来的传单或小纸条。母亲很担心我，但塔利班分子从来没有特别针对过小女孩，相对而言，我更担心他们会针对我的父亲，因为父亲总是发表反对他们的言论。去年8月，我父亲的好友，也是他抗争暴权的同盟扎西德·汗在去祈祷的路上脸部中枪。我知道所有人都在劝我父亲：“小心点，否则下一个就是你了！”

Our street could not be reached by car, so coming home I would get off the bus on the road below by the stream and go through a barred iron gate and up a flight of steps. I thought if anyone attacked me it would be on those steps. Like my father I’ve always been a daydreamer, and sometimes in lessons my mind would drift and I’d imagine that on the way home a terrorist might jump out and shoot me on those steps. I wondered what I would do. Maybe I’d take off my shoes and hit him, but then I’d think if I did that there would be no difference between me and a terrorist. It would be better to plead, ‘OK, shoot me, but first listen to me. What you are doing is wrong. I’m not against you personally, I just want every girl to go to school.’

我们家门口的街道狭窄，校车无法开进去，所以我每次都在小溪边下车，穿过一道上锁的铁栅门，然后再走一段阶梯，才能到家。我总觉得要是有人攻击我，一定是在阶梯上。和我父亲一样，我总是爱幻想。有时候在课堂上，我的心思就会不知不觉地飘走。我想象在回家的路上，有人从台阶上跳出来朝我开枪。我想象自己的反应：也许我会脱下鞋子，朝他扔过去；但我又觉得如果那样做的话，我就和恐怖分子没有什么区别。最好还是向他祈求好了。“好吧，如果你想开枪就开吧。不过，在此之前，请先听我说几句话。你这么做是不对的，我不是针对你，我只是希望每个女孩都可以去上学而已。”

I wasn’t scared but I had started making sure the gate was locked at night and asking God what happens when you die. I told my best friend Moniba everything. We’d lived on the same street when we were little and been friends since primary school and we shared everything, Justin Bieber songs and Twilight movies, the best face-lightening creams. Her dream was to be a fashion designer although she knew her family would never agree to it, so she told everyone she wanted to be a doctor. It’s hard for girls in our society to be anything other than teachers or doctors if they can work at all. I was different – I never hid my desire when I changed from wanting to be a doctor to wanting to be an inventor or a politician. Moniba always knew if something was wrong. ‘Don’t worry,’ I told her. ‘The Taliban have never come for a small girl.’

我并不害怕，但我也开始在每晚临睡前检查门锁好了没有，而且也开始向真主祷告，询问人死后会怎样。我和我最好的朋友莫妮巴无话不谈。我们住在同一条街上，从小学开始就是好朋友。我们分享彼此的一切，比如贾斯汀·比伯的歌、电影《暮光之城》，还有最好的亮肤面霜。莫妮巴的梦想是成为一名时尚设计师，但她知道她的家人绝对不会同意，所以她告诉别人说她想成为一名医生。在我们的社会里，女孩们即便能外出工作，也很少能从事除医生或教师以外的职业。而我却不同，我从未隐瞒自己想当医生，或想当发明家或政治家的念头。莫妮巴似乎总能未卜先知，可我总是安慰她：“别担心！塔利班从没有针对过一个小女孩！”