When you first begin dating someone new, it's all rainbows and butterflies. It seems like you may have finally found your soul mate – the person who will stick by your side through good times and bad times, through sickness and health. But is he really the one, or are you just being blinded by his good lucks or gentlemanly charm? As exciting as it is to begin falling for someone new, it's important to stay grounded and keep an eye to reality. Before you start seriously dating someone, you need to take the time to figure out if he really is a good match for you, or if you have just been turning a blind eye to some tell-tale, ominous signs. Here are the top ten things that you should know about a guy before you start dating him. Consider it a research project. Your job is to collect all the data and come up with an informed decision based on your findings. To date or not to date? That is the question!
你与新欢的第一次约会，通常都会有彩虹当空、蝴蝶飞舞的的幸福感觉，总让你产生"找到灵魂伴侣"的错觉——那个无论是顺境还是逆境，无论疾病还是健康都会对你不离不弃的人。但是，他真的是那个人吗，或许只是他那天的表现恰巧合你心意,还是你被他绅士又迷人的外表蒙住了眼睛？在你与新欢坠入爱河而兴奋不已的同时，也要保持冷静的头脑。在你打算认真地和他交往前，你真的需要好好斟酌一下，他究竟适不适合你，或者你是否对一些不祥之兆视而不见呢。我们认为接下来的10件事，是在你确定和他交往前应该好好了解的。就把它当成一个调查项目吧，你的任务就是搜集起所有资料，根据调查结果做个明智的决定——继续交往还是就此止步，这是一个问题！

10.How Does He Treat Strangers?
10.他是如何对待陌生人的？

One of the quickest ways to gauge a man's character is to see how he interacts with strangers. It doesn't matter how much of a gentlemen he is towards you if he can't be a decent human being to others. While it's chivalrous that he pulls out your chair at dinner, stands up when you enter a room and helps you with your coat, this is less about noticing how he treats you and more about noticing how he treats others.
看清一个人品质最快的办法就是看他如何对待陌生人。如果他在别人面前并不是一位正人君子，那他对你表现得如何绅士都无关紧要了。尽管用餐时他为你拉出餐桌前的座椅，进门时帮你拿着外套，这一切都是那么彬彬有礼，但是你还是应该少在意他如何对待你，更多的是要观察他如何对待别人。
At a restaurant, does he berate the waiter for bringing him a regular cola instead of a diet one? Or does he say something jokingly like, "Oh, what the heck? It's a special occasion, calories be damned!" Does he demand to speak to the manager when a waitress accidentally knocks his water glass over? Or perhaps he helps her clean up the spill while profusely telling her that it's alright: no harm, no foul. If upon leaving the restaurant you walk by a homeless person, does your date pull out whatever spare change he has in his pocket, or does he mutter rude and condescending remarks under his breath? CEO Bill Swanson has written much about this topic. He says that, "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to others, is not a nice person." He cautions people to be wary of those who can turn their charm on and off at the drop of a dime, depending on who they are talking to. Be especially wary of men who use a power card, saying things like, "I know the owner of this place and I could have you fired." This ridiculous statement tells you nothing about the person's actual status, but everything about his character.
在餐馆，他是否会因为服务生给了他一杯可乐而不是其他低卡路里饮料而责备这位服务生，或者他会开玩笑地说，类似"见鬼，这可是个特别的约会啊，太多卡路里会破坏情调哟！"；如果一个服务生不小心打翻了他的水杯，他会要求把他们经理喊来吗，又或者他会帮她清理洒在桌上的水，并且大方地告诉她：没事，不用在意。紧接着出了餐馆，你们从一个流浪汉身边走过，他是无论口袋里还剩下多少钱都会掏出来，还是会小声地骂骂咧咧或者在他语气里听出一种高高在上的嫌弃。首席执行官比尔·斯旺森写过很多有关这个专题的文章，他说："如果一个人对你很好，却无礼地对待服务生和其他人，那他就不是个好人。"他告诉人们要警惕那些在蝇头小利面前不惜谄媚而且看人说话的人，特别要警惕那些惯用权力牌的人，比如他们爱说："我认识你们老板，我会让你走人的你知道吗！"这些荒唐可笑的话根本不会抬高其身份地位，只会将他的品质修养展露无疑。

9.What is His Value System?
9.他的价值观是什么？

Everyone has a set of ingrained beliefs and values that help to guide their behavior and decisions. If a guy's value system is vastly different from yours, then it could make for hardship down the road if your relationship becomes serious. In order to develop a healthy relationship, it's important to have similar, or at least compatible, values. Therapist JoAnne White writes that core values are, "things about yourself that are not likely to change. They are the tenets you grew up believing and that deep down inside still seem to fit into your life no matter what else changes."
每个人都有自己根深蒂固的信仰和价值观，以此来指导日常的行为并做决定。如果那家伙的价值观和你大相径庭，你们日后的相处会非常艰难。为了以后能发展一段健康的关系，两人有相似的价值观还是很重要滴，再不济至少还能互补吧。治疗师 乔安娜·怀特曾这样解释核心价值观，"你不大可能会改变自己的价值观。因为这是你成长过程中所坚守的信仰，无论你的生活发生什么变化，你的价值观始终是你不会轻易改变的东西。"
A value system doesn't necessarily have to do with religion, although that could play a part in the conversation. Unless it is a deal breaker for you personally, someone with a different religion than you could still be a great match. People from different religious backgrounds get married all the time and raise children with traditions taken from both religions. It's also important to remember that the religion that someone grew up in is not necessarily representative of the beliefs that they currently hold. What's often more important are the underlying values that people believe in. Before you start seriously dating a guy, it's a good idea to understand what he holds dear in his life. Find out what makes him happy, what he can't live without, what motivates him, and what happiness looks like to him. Try to understand how he views the world and those around him. Does he believe he has a purpose in this life, and if so what is it? What guides him in making tough decisions? To be a good match with someone, you don't necessarily have to have exact same values. In fact, that might be boring. But you do have to be able to understand where the other person is coming from and see if you can relate to it. Morals, on the other hand, should be non-negotiable. If someone has unsavory morals and a shady sense of principles and ethics that don't align with yours, then it's probably best not to continue the relationship. After all, you want to be with someone who brings out the best in you, not the worst.
尽管在交流过程中宗教信仰起着重要的作用，但是价值观与宗教信仰却不是必然相关。除非宗教信仰对你来说极其重要，不然，即使你们信仰不同，也还是能成为很好的一对。一直以来，来自不同宗教背景的人们结婚，都是以汲取了两种宗教信仰的传统来抚养孩子。一定要记住一点，这很重要的，人们成长环境的宗教背景并不一定会决定他们当下坚持的信仰，通常来说，更重要的是人们当前的价值观。在你开始和一个人正儿巴经地交往起来之前，你最好了解清楚：他生命中珍视的是什么？什么会令他开心？什么是他不能割舍的？什么会激发他内在的潜能？还有，对他来说幸福是什么？试着去弄明白他是如何看待这个世界和他周围的一切。他有坚定的人生目标吗？如果有的话，他的目标是什么呢？在做艰难的决定时，是什么给予他帮助呢？和某人相处起来很合适的话，你也就不必非得要求对方与你有完全相同的价值观了。事实上，完全相同的话也挺没劲的。但是你一定要清楚这个人来自哪里，你是不是能适应他的文化背景。品行问题就得另当别论了。如果这个人道德败坏，立场也不坚定，有着和你相悖的道德标准，那么最好不要继续这段关系了。毕竟，你要找的是一个能激发出你最好的一面的人，而不是最糟糕的你。

8.What Does He Think a Healthy Relationship Looks Like?
8.于他而言，健康的恋情是什么样的？

Before you start a relationship with a guy, you want to understand what he views as a great relationship. When he envisions himself in a relationship, what does it looks like? Does he envision a doting partner who puts his needs first? Does he picture a woman who has dinner ready on the table when he gets home and recognizes him as the head of the household? If so, he may not be the ideal match for you. Think about how you want to define your roles and find someone who complements that vision.
在你开始一段恋情之前，你得知道他眼中的健康恋情是什么样的、他如何预想自己的角色。他想要一个把他的需求放在首位的女友吗？他脑中构想出的女友是要坐在桌旁等他到家才能开饭、将他视为一家之主吗？如果他是这样的人，那么他可能不是你的真命天子。好好想想你扮演什么样的角色，然后找一个和你恋爱观互补的人。
When he pictures a relationship, does he assume that it comes along with constant nagging and fighting? Or does he believe a relationship will be saddled with doubt and jealousy? Perhaps he believes that a loving relationship means never having a fight or a disagreement? Either way, if his vision doesn't match up with yours, it could be a bad sign. One of the ways that we view relationships is based on what we witnessed from our parents. That is not to say that people who grew up in unhappy homes won't be capable of having a healthy relationship. In fact, many people grow up clearly wanting the exact opposite type of relationship that their parents had. On the other hand, some people were lucky enough to grow up with two parents who shared an amazing love together, and they want to emulate that in their own life. A man's past girlfriends will also play a part in shaping his outlook on relationships. If he dated a girl who was unfaithful, he may think that it's normal to be jealous and distrusting. If he dated a girl who couldn't commit, then he may feel that a relationship should be emotionally distant.
他构想你们的恋情时，总是假设你们不断争吵打架吗、或者他总会吃醋？或者他觉得一段美好的恋爱不会有任何争吵与不和？无论他有以上哪一种想法，你们的恋爱观是不一样的，那只会是分手的前兆。父母的感情会影响我们对于恋爱的看法。并非说，生活在不够快乐环境下就得不到一段健康美妙的爱情。事实上，生活在不和谐的环境下的孩子会非常渴望一段美好的感情。有些人非常幸运，他们的父母彼此相爱，所以他们希望能延续父母相濡以沫的生活。看其前女友也能看出他对未来恋情的看法。如果他曾和不忠诚的女孩有过一段感情，他可能就会觉得嫉妒、彼此不信任没什么大不了。如果他曾和不负责的女孩有过一段爱情，他可能觉得谈恋爱就是一段冷漠的感情而已。

7.Does he Fight Fair?
7.他能正视矛盾吗？

Good conflict resolution skills can be the cornerstone of a good relationship. Every relationship is going to have its ups and downs, and problems will arise as your courtship progresses. According to a survey conducted byYourTango.com which polled 100 mental health professionals, it was found that 43 percent of couples cited their inability to resolve conflict as the factor that led to divorce. If your partner isn't able to fight fair, then it might be better to avoid the fights altogether by ending the relationship early.
好的解决矛盾的技巧是一段美好恋爱的基石。谈恋爱总有磕磕绊绊的时候，有些问题在婚后还会升级。"你的探戈"网站就100个心理健康问题做过民意调查，发现43%的夫妻无法解决两人之间的矛盾，最终只得离婚。如果你的父母无法正视两人之间的矛盾，那就趁早分开避免打架。
It can be difficult to understand someone's conflict resolution skills if you haven't had a fight yet, and if you are just beginning your courtship then you hopefully haven't had anything to argue about yet. However, you can learn about how he has handled conflict in the past and try to gauge how he deals with arguments. Is he the type to scream and shout at the top of his lungs to get his point across? Does he belittle or berate during an argument? Does he lie when his back is up against the wall? Does he become defensive? Does he go for low blows when he's angry? Does he storm off in a huff? Does he become fragile and insecure? Does he become cruel or aggressive? Is he quick to apologize? Does he try to keep the peace at all costs? Clearly there are many ways to fight, but some tactics lead to more productive outcomes than others. You don't necessarily both have to have the same conflict resolution skills, but you should have ones that are compatible. For instance, if you are a fiery woman known to fly off the handle at the slightest thing, then you might respond well to someone who is slow to anger and quick to apologize.
如果你没和别人争斗过，就不太能理解解决矛盾的技巧。如果刚结婚，你最好祈求两人之间不要有什么争吵。但是，你得知道他以前是怎么处理矛盾的，然后估计一下如今他会怎么处理你俩之间的争吵。他是通过大喊大叫让你明白他的想法，还是通过贬低或者申斥你的观点呢？理亏词穷时他会撒谎吗？他会对你设防吗？暴跳如雷时会打你吗？会变得脆弱没安全感吗？会变得冷酷无情频频挑衅吗？他会马上道歉吗？无论如何他都会心平气和的和你谈吗？争斗的方式当然有很多，但是很多时候，某些方法只会带来更多的问题。你不必掌握每一种解决争端的技巧，但是你得找到解决问题的办法。举个例子，如果你是一个暴脾气，一点小事没处理妥当都会让你火冒三丈，那你可以找一个不容易发脾气又能很快道歉的伴侣。

6.How Does He Spend his Free Time?
6.如何度过空余时间

If you want to find a compatible match, then it's important to have some shared interests. If you have a severe case of wanderlust, then you might be perfectly suited with a guy who spends his summers traveling. If you are an athlete at heart, you might find some friendly competition with another athletically-inclined guy. If you love the fresh mountain air, then dating a guy who enjoys hiking or skiing might be just up your alley. Or if you're a homebody who loves nothing more than curling up with a good book, then your perfect match might be someone who loves spending time at home reading the newspaper, front to back.
要想找一个心意相通的伴侣，拥有共同的兴趣爱好尤为重要。例如你爱好旅行，那么最好找位旅行达人与你结伴看风景；如果你天生运动狂，找一位健身达人来场运动比拼也是浪漫；如果你喜欢山间的新鲜空气，恰好那位暗恋你许久的男生邀请你去登山滑冰，岂不是正中下怀？又或者你是宅女一枚，只喜欢待在家啃书，那么你的另一半最好也差不多，一份报纸从头看到尾，能够安静坐上一下午。
Sometimes you're lucky enough to find someone who doesn't necessarily have the exact same interests and hobbies, but rather has ones that complement the things that you love to do. If you love to eat and try new culinary creations, you'd have a great time dating a guy who loves to cook. If you are in school part time and need to devote significant time to studying, then a guy who devotes a night every week to his bowling league might be the perfect person to keep from causing distraction at home. If you have a passion for volunteering and he spends a lot of his time at networking events, you could leverage your social circles to make a difference in your community. You may also find someone who is passionate about something that is new and exciting to you. He could introduce you to a new hobby that could become a favorite of yours. Perhaps your guy has a motorcycle and you fall in love with feeling of the open road. Or perhaps he's a surfer who teaches you to enjoy long hours out on the water. According to an article in the Wall Street Journal, new experiences can, "activate the brain's reward system, flooding it with powerful neurochemicals related to pleasure and bonding—the same circuits triggered when a person first falls in love."
但这一条件并不绝对，除了臭味相投，能够找到兴趣爱好互补的另一半也是登对。假如你是吃货，喜欢钻研美食，那么你的男朋友最好是个厨房小能手；如果你是学霸，喜欢泡在自习室埋头学习，你的完美情人最好有个狂热爱好，类似保龄球联盟骨干，可以打一整夜，这样就免得对方闲在一旁无事可做；如果你热衷公益，喜欢做志愿者，而你的另一半对社交活动很积极，那不妨利用双方的人脉来影响各自的朋友圈。此外，如果你的另一半平时关注的东西非常新鲜刺激，那他很有可能会不断引导你接触新事物甚至也让你为之着迷。例如你的男票酷爱摩托，也许坐在他身后的你也会爱上飙车兜风的刺激；如果他是位冲浪达人，就带你一起享受水上时光，浓情嬉戏。华尔街日报曾刊登过一篇文章，上面说新鲜体验能够刺激大脑的反馈系统分泌一种影响神经系统的化学物质，这种物质产生的愉悦感如狂风般席卷你的大脑，仿佛又回到初恋。

审校：嘉珈 编辑：Freya然 来源：前十网