The woman walked up and down Main Street carrying a beautiful 5-month-old black Labrador mix in her arms. The dog was resting on the woman’s shoulder like a baby, gazing helplessly at the pedestrians, cars and shop windows. I was sitting at an outdoor table at the local coffee house with my husband, Alex, and we watched the comical, but endearing, scenario with curiosity.
一名女子在缅街(Main Street)来来回回地走着，怀里抱着一只五个月大的漂亮的黑色拉布拉多混血狗。这只狗像婴儿一样把头靠在女子的肩上，无助地盯着行人、车辆和店铺的橱窗。我和丈夫亚历克斯(Alex)坐在咖啡馆的户外桌子旁，好奇地注视着这滑稽有爱的一幕。

On her third pass by our table the woman asked, “Can she say hello?” The woman, we soon found, was acting as a “foster mother” for a local rescue organization, and had the puppy out to desensitize her to street noise.
在第三次经过我们的桌子时，这名女子问道，“让它和你们打个招呼好吗？”我们很快得知，这名女子是当地一家救援机构的“寄养妈妈”，带这只小狗出来是为了让它对马路上的噪音脱敏。
We were animal lovers — pet people with three cats and a dog at home along with our two children — so yes, of course, we obliged. The puppy — her name was Nina — immediately curled at my feet, under the protection of my long summer skirt. Alex and I asked, Is she good with other dogs? With cats? With children? She was, the woman said.
我们都很喜欢动物——家里有三只猫和一条狗陪伴着我们的两个孩子——所以，我们当然答应了这个请求。这只名叫妮娜(Nina)的小狗立刻蜷在我的脚边，把我的夏装长裙当成了保护伞。亚历克斯和我问，它和其他狗狗合得来吗？和猫合得来吗？和小孩子呢？这名女子说，合得来。
We lived in the country, our house butting up against a 30-acre preserve. Many of our neighbors and friends had similar homes brimming with kids and pets. Our pets were always adopted, and were loving and trustworthy companions. I grew up with several cats, and as a college student I worked at the Bennington County Humane Society, in Vermont. Our Rhodesian Ridgeback, Gemma, adored other dogs, and enjoyed a special relationship with our cat Addie, a docile tortoiseshell. They often slept next to each other, and Addie would stand on hind legs to kiss Gemma’s muzzle.
我们住在乡下，我们的家毗邻一个30英亩（约合12公顷）的保护区。许多邻居和朋友的家庭和我们相似，都有许多孩子和宠物。我们的宠物都是领养的，是温顺可爱、值得信赖的伙伴。我童年时，家里就养了好几只猫，大学时，我曾在佛蒙特州的本宁顿县慈善协会(Bennington County Humane Society)打工。我们的罗德西亚背脊犬杰玛(Gemma)对其他的狗狗很好，与我们温顺的三色猫阿迪(Addie)有着很特殊的感情。他们常常睡在彼此身边，有时，阿迪会用后腿站立，亲吻杰玛的脸。
Before adopting Nina, we spoke at length to her foster mother, and also to the woman who ran the small-scale rescue operation.
在领养妮娜之前，我们和它的寄养妈妈，以及经营着这家小型救援机构的女士进行了详细的交谈。
Our children met Nina, walking her on a leash and playing with her, and she seemed sweet and smart, though shy. She was intensely fearful of loud noises, but with love and training she appeared poised to blossom into a lovely family dog.
我们的孩子见到了妮娜，用链子牵着它遛弯，跟它玩耍，它似乎很温顺聪明，但有些害羞。它特别害怕巨大的声响，但经过照料和训练，它似乎很快就能成为一只可爱的家犬了。
But things became complicated when we brought Nina home. She panicked in her new environment, tearing up the stairs to our bedroom. Like an alpha-male guard dog, she leaped onto the middle of the bed and growled with bared teeth. Clearly, she was terrified.
但当我们把妮娜带回家之后，情况却变得复杂起来。它面对新环境烦躁不安，飞一样跑上楼梯，进到了我们的卧室。就像一只凶悍的护卫狗一样，它跳到了床中央，咆哮着露出牙齿。显然，它十分惊恐。
As she growled at me from my bed, I thought, This is bad. I felt a rush of regret and a terrible intuition that this dog was something different than she first seemed. But by bedtime we had calmed her down and she snuggled in bed next to us. A call in the morning to the rescue group assured us that Nina just needed time to adjust to her new home.
当它在我的床上冲我咆哮时，我想，这太糟糕了。我感到一阵后悔，并且有一种可怕的直觉：这条狗和它最初给人的印象并不相同。但到了睡觉的时候，我们让它平静了下来，它依偎在我们身旁睡着了。第二天早上，我们给这家救援机构打了个电话，对方说服了我们，妮娜只是需要时间来适应它的新家。
Nina bonded quickly with Gemma, and was loving with our kids. She barked at everyone who came to the house, and chewed everything in sight. She gave kisses and was easy to train, listening attentively. She was our “googly, mixed-up puppy.” As fans of the dog trainer Cesar Millan, the “Dog Whisperer,” we believed in giving her a loving but disciplined environment.
妮娜很快和杰玛熟悉起来，对我们的孩子也很温顺。但它也会冲着每一个走进家门的人狂吠，而且看见什么都咬。它亲吻我们，很容易接受训练，很认真地听我们讲话。它是我们“大眼睛糊涂狗”。作为狗狗训练者、“狗语者”西泽·米兰(Cesar Millan)的粉丝，我们认为应该给予她一个充满关爱但纪律严明的环境。
Then, one night while I was cooking with a friend and my daughter, Nina suddenly — with a flash of teeth and a high-pitched screech — jumped up and snapped at Addie as she leaped up, terrified. I quickly blocked Nina from attacking Addie, and Nina bit me, pinching the skin on my hand into a red streak, without drawing blood. My friend and I were shaken, my daughter in tears. I put Nina in a bedroom, and shut the door. I cradled Addie, relieved she was fine.
随后，一天晚上，当我和一个朋友还有女儿一起做饭时，妮娜突然跳了起来，露出牙齿，高声尖叫，对着阿迪猛咬了一口，阿迪此时也惊慌失措地跳了起来。我迅速挡住妮娜，不让它继续攻击阿迪，结果妮娜咬了我，在我手上弄出了一道红檩子，没有出血。朋友和我都受到了惊吓，我女儿哭了。我把妮娜放进一间卧室，关上了门。我抱着阿迪，看到她没事之后松了一口气。
Next, I did something I never thought I would do. I called the woman who ran the rescue group and told her, “I don’t think Nina is the right dog for us. We have two children, and their friends visit. We love our cats.”
接下来，我做了一件从没想过自己会做的事。我打电话给经营救援组织的那个女士，告诉她，“我不认为妮娜适合我们。我们有两个孩子，他们的朋友会来家里。我爱我们的猫咪们。”
It didn’t make any sense, the rescue woman said. Nina had lived with cats with her last foster family here, and with another foster family down south. She loved cats and kids. The woman agreed to send a trainer, and pay for it, to get to the bottom of Nina’s strange behavior.
这说不通，救援组织的这位女士说。妮娜在上一个寄养家庭以及南边的另一个寄养家庭都跟猫生活过。它喜欢猫和小孩。她同意出钱请一名培训师，研究妮娜的奇怪举动。
The trainer had seen “these dogs” before, she said — dogs trucked up the East Coast, traumatized by the journey and moved from shelter to shelter. We were told to throw Cesar Millan’s advice out the window: no “calm-assertive” discipline allowed. We had, she said, inadvertently brought out Nina’s aggressiveness. From now on, it would be gentle time-outs, and treats when anyone came to the door.
这名培训师说，她见到过“这种狗”，它们被用卡车送到东海岸，在长途跋涉中遭受了心理创伤，从一个地方转移到另一个地方。她让我们把西泽·米兰的建议抛到一边：不能采用“冷静自信式”的训练。她说，我们浑然不觉地激发出了妮娜的进攻性。从现在开始，当有人来到家门口时，我们会温柔对待它，还给它好吃的。
Even as we followed these instructions, we questioned them. We cringed when we saw pet parents and human parents alike coddling their little monsters despite their bad behavior. Then again, who were we to argue with experts? After decades of cats, we’d only ever had two dogs, both gentle and well behaved. Perhaps we’d just never had a “real” dog before, one who chewed everything in sight, right in front of you, as you said “No!” Maybe most dogs needed constant discipline, and couldn’t be left alone for two seconds.
我们遵循这些指示的同时，对这些方法也有所怀疑。当我们看到，无论宠物或小孩做了什么坏事，主人和父母都溺爱着这些小怪物时，我们真的无法接受。但转念一想，我们有什么资格质疑专家？在养了几十年的猫之后，我们只养过两条狗，都很温顺听话。也许，我们只是从未养过一只“真正”的狗，而真正的狗会在你冲着它喊“不行！”的时候，仍然见什么咬什么。或许，多数的狗狗都需要不断地训练，哪怕让它们独处两秒也不行。
Maybe if we were better dog parents, the trainer implied, Nina would be a wonderful and consistent family dog. As for her lunging at Addie, the trainer said there was probably a food issue between them that I was unaware of, and feeding Nina separately would solve it.
培训师暗示说，或许如果我们是更好的主人，妮娜会成为一只很棒的、行为稳定的家犬。至于它为何扑向阿迪，培训师说，可能是因为它们在食物上发生了我不知道的矛盾，单独喂食妮娜就能解决这个问题。
In the months that followed Nina made strides; she was affectionate and playful. But at times, out of nowhere it seemed, she would snap at me or Alex and, once, at our son. She would suddenly cower and growl. It was like a switch flipped, yet we couldn’t figure out what had done it.
在接下来几个月里，妮娜进步很大。它温柔可亲，而且很活泼。但有时，它似乎会毫无缘由地突然咬我或亚历克斯，有一次还要咬我儿子。它会突然蜷缩起来咆哮。像是有人按了一个开关，但我们没想到究竟是何原因。
One day, Addie ran away. We looked everywhere for her, and after three weeks, she appeared in the meadow behind our house. I put food out and called to her, and she’d call back to me in her sad, yodeling cry, then run back into the thicket. It was February, and she was cold and hungry, but she refused to come home. Finally, as if relenting reluctantly, she came inside. But why had she even left?
一天，阿迪跑走了。我们到处都找了，但却没找到。三周后，它出现在了我们屋后的草地上。我拿出食物，唤它过来。它用它那约德尔唱腔式的凄惨叫声回应我，然后又跑回树丛中去了。当时是2月，它又冷又饿，却不愿回家。最后，它似乎勉强着自己进了屋。但它之前为什么要离开家？
Three months later, I took the kids to New York City to visit friends. That night, I couldn’t reach Alex on the phone and felt something was wrong.
三个月后，我带着孩子去纽约市看望朋友。那天晚上，因为没能通过电话联系到亚历克斯，我感觉出事了。
It was. Alex had come home from work to find Addie dangling from Nina’s mouth, dead.
事实的确如此。亚历克斯下班回家后发现阿迪被妮娜叼在嘴里，已经死了。
Alex described the awful scene to me when he finally called back that night: Nina laid the cat down and looked at him as if to say, “Look what I did.” Gemma sat trembling, up on a chair, the other cats alive but hiding. The kitchen and living room were like a crime scene, the whole house imbued with violence and death.
那天夜里，当亚历克斯终于回我电话时，他向我描述了那可怕的一幕：妮娜把猫放下后看着他，似乎在说，“看看我做了什么。”杰玛卧在一张椅子上，不停地哆嗦。其他猫还活着，但都藏了起来。厨房和起居室像犯罪现场一样，整栋房子都充满了暴力和死亡的气息。
A friend agreed to take Nina temporarily, and Alex arrived in the city, where we told the children that our beloved cat was dead, and that they would never see their puppy again. Grateful to be surrounded by friends, we tried to focus on the visit. But we knew we had to go home to an emptier house, having lost two once-loved family members, a scene of gruesome devastation.
一个朋友同意暂时带走妮娜后，亚历克斯也来到了纽约市。在那里，我们告诉孩子们，心爱的猫咪死了，并且他们再也见不到小狗了。幸亏周围有朋友陪伴，我们努力把精力集中在拜访朋友这件事上。但我们知道，我们不得不回家，面对一栋比以前更空旷的房子。因为失去了曾经喜爱的两个家庭成员，那里满目疮痍，有些阴森。
The hole left by Addie’s death was palpable. On my phone’s home screen, her face peered out at me, her light green eyes wide and questioning. Photos of Nina, too — her soulful expression and floppy ears — were on every device we used.
阿迪的死给我们的生活留下了一个很大的空洞。在我的手机主屏幕上，它还凑着小脸凝视着我，它绿色明亮的大眼睛里充满了好奇。妮娜的照片——她热忱的表情和耷拉的耳朵——也都呈现在我们的每一部设备上。
As each blanket Nina had damaged was pulled from the shelf, my heart jolted with grief. The corner of my pillow had a jagged hole, feathers leaking from it as though it were a mangled bird. At dinner, a napkin unfolded held the very image of Nina’s jaws, a reminder of our missing dog and — in the same instant — of our sweet cat, Nina’s teeth around her throat.
当把妮娜弄坏了的所有毯子从架子上撤下来时，我的心里充满了悲伤。我枕头的一个角上被弄出了个锯齿状的洞，羽绒从里面往外钻，就像一只狼狈不堪的鸟。晚饭时，一张摊开的餐巾上留下了妮娜的牙印，提醒着我们，我们的狗狗走了，同时也失去了我们可爱的猫咪，而妮娜曾咬住它的喉咙。
I felt enraged at the rescue woman, foster mother and trainer. Two family members had been taken from us in one horrifying act, one that would never have happened had we not kept Nina. But we had kept her. We took pity on her, and let ourselves believe that beneath her quirky, strange behavior resided a good dog. A friend who fosters animals for a local shelter, who has dogs and cats of her own, said to me, “Some dogs are just too damaged, or not right to begin with, and they’re just not adoptable.”
我对救援机构的那个女士、寄养妈妈和培训师都感到怒不可遏。我们在一场可怕的事件中失去了两个家庭成员，而如果我们没有收养妮娜，这件事就不可能发生。但是我们那时终究收养了它。我们可怜它，并说服自己，尽管它的行为古怪乖戾，本质还是一条好狗。我的一个朋友家里寄养了当地一家收容所的动物，她自己也养了狗和猫。她对我说，“有些狗狗创伤太深，或者从一开始就不适合做宠物，它们不适合被收养。”
What she said helps, and I believe she’s right. On the outside, I appear detached, not wanting to discuss Nina, or what will happen to her (she is with another foster family, with little chance for adoption). But I have to admit that I feel terrible guilt and sadness about her.
她的话对我有所帮助，我相信她是对的。表面上看，我似乎很淡然，不想谈论妮娜，也不想知道它未来会怎样（它现在住在另一个寄养家庭，基本上没有被领养的机会）。但我必须承认，我有很深的负罪感，我为它感到极其难过。
Many months later, Alex and I are relaxing, watching a detective show, our one dog curled next to us. In this episode a family discovers that their older son has murdered their youngest son. It is a crime mixed up with family dysfunction and childish jealousy and also the horrible detachment of a boy not quite realizing what he has done. At the end, a policewoman asks the mother if she would like to see social services — to give up her son — because how can she live with her other child’s murderer? “No,” the mother says. “Who else will love him now?”
很多个月后的一天，亚历克斯和我正在休息，看一部侦探剧，我们剩下的那只狗蜷在旁边。在那一集的剧情中，有一家人发现他们的大儿子杀害了家中的幼子。这桩罪案的原因包含了家庭功能失调、儿童的嫉妒，以及一个并没有真正意识到自己做了什么的男孩的可怕的疏离感。最后，一名女警察问这位母亲，是否需要社会服务——也就是放弃这个儿子——因为，她怎么可能和谋杀了自己另一个儿子的人生活？“不，”这位母亲说，“现在除了我们，谁还会爱他？”