When exchanging small talk with my workaholic boss, I told him I’d rented a villa in Mallorca this summer. It turns out he owns a house nearby and will be there at the same time. To my horror, he has invited me over with my wife and sons. Which is more career limiting: to lie to get out of it or to turn up with mutinous wife and twin two-year-olds – guaranteed to throw tantrums and fall in the pool? Isn’t the point of a holiday that you have two weeks freed from office politics? Help!
Manager, male, 34
Lucy's answer
Yes, the point of a holiday is that you have a two-week exeat from office politics and from seeing your colleagues at all. The only snag is that you can’t have a holiday unless you have a job, and having a job of the sort that you have requires keeping on the right side of your boss.
So I suggest that you put out feelers to see whether he was merely being polite in issuing the invitation. It is possible that his desire to see you is as low as your desire to see him. Use the twins as an excuse and a warning and see if he takes it.
But I fear that since he is a workaholic, which means he probably hates holidays, he is actively eager to leaven his break with anyone who reminds him of the office. In that case he will take it in very poor spirit if you decline his offer.
This leaves the issue of your mutinous wife and troublesome two year olds. I rather approve of mutinous wives; I can see why yours might feel that way if you spend the year in the office and that as soon as you are on holiday she is expected to endure a sticky car journey to see your boss. Seething is exactly what I would do in her shoes.
So what you should do is leave her behind, with the more troublesome of the twins and strike out to visit your boss with the other one. You can explain that the other child has got an ear infection from the pool, which, in my experience of holidays in Mallorca, will probably be true, and that your wife, sadly, has to stay behind to look after him.
Then turn up at some point in the afternoon – don’t consider a meal – and be super friendly. Tell him how fabulous his house is, and ask a lot of keen questions about how long he’s had it for. The minute your child starts cutting up rough, you have the perfect excuse to leave. Everyone is delighted to see the back of guests with troublesome infants.
Make sure you fix this date as near to the start of your holiday as possible. That way you get it over quickly, and you’ll find a 13-day break from office politics is almost as good as a fortnight’s one.
Your advice
Be graceful
Don’t be so churlish. Accept gracefully, arrange a time when the twins can sleep beforehand (wear them out if necessary), stay for an hour or so, leave before they get tired and don’t talk shop. If you do, you invite a mutiny.
Manager (retired), female
Avoid at all cost
I have a lovely olive mill in Mallorca, where there is a nearby reservoir with a dam from which you jump three metres into the water. Last summer my managing partner unexpectedly rented a holiday villa nearby so I invited him up to lunch, after which we all proceeded to jump into the reservoir. To my horror, not only would he not jump, he would also not swim, and was quite visibly afraid. Net result of this is that my opinion of him plummeted?.?.?.?and has never since recovered. So save your career by avoiding the invitation at all costs.
Professional male
Hands-on dad
If your wife is disinclined to go with you, leave her behind in your rented villa – she deserves a break more than anyone. Take all the kit you need for your twins to use the pool (ask your wife if you don’t know) and ask your boss to supervise one of them while you take charge of the other. You and your boss won’t have the time or energy to talk shop or discuss office politics and you will earn brownie points with his wife, if not with him, for being a hands-on father.
Another mutinous wife
Win-win
This seems a win for you, no matter what happens. If your wife turns out mutinous and rude, you can always apologise when you’re at work, and he can tut-tut in sexist sympathy. If your kids puke over everything, the same. Of course, if your family and his get along famously, all the better. Whichever way, he will see you in a different context, and you will have something to talk about other than work.
Anon
Jealous hoax
This surely is a hoax by a jealous colleague who will not be going to Mallorca. It is clear the boss is reading the FT like we all do – and this “Manager, male, 34” will appear in his eyes extremely stupid, even insulting, to have posted the question here.
我老板是个工作狂，有次我跟他闲聊时，说起我今年夏天在马略卡岛租了栋别墅。结果他在附近有所房子，而且夏天也要住那儿。他还邀请我带老婆儿子去他家玩，吓我一身汗。我该作何选择才不阻碍职业发展呢：撒谎摆脱这件事，还是带着我任性的妻子和肯定会哭闹、会跌进泳池的2岁双胞胎一起去他家？假期的意义不就是让你有两周时间从办公室政治中解脱出来吗？救命啊！
经理，男性，34岁
露西的建议
是的，假期的意义是让你有2周时间暂时远离办公室政治，不用再面对同事。问题只有一个，你能度假的前提是你得有份工作，而且像你这样的工作还得跟老板搞好关系。
所以我建议你试探下他，看他发出邀请是否纯粹出于礼貌。很可能他想看到你的意愿跟你想看到他的意愿一样低。摆出双胞胎作为借口和警告，看他能否接受。
不过我担心既然他是个工作狂，那么他很可能讨厌休假，正盼着来个让他想起办公室的人。这种情况下如果你拒绝他的提议，他会非常不悦。
于是你的问题就只剩下任性的妻子和爱惹麻烦的2岁孩子。我比较赞同任性的妻子们，我能理解为什么她会不高兴，如果你已在办公室忙碌了一整年，好不容易有个假期，她却得忍受一段不愉快的汽车之旅去见你老板。如果我是她，我一定火冒三丈。
所以你该做的是留下她和双胞胎里比较闹的那个，你则带着另一个去拜访老板。你可以解释说另一个孩子在泳池里感染了耳朵（就我个人在马略卡岛的经验来看，这很有可能），很遗憾你妻子得留在家里照顾他。
记着下午去，别考虑一起吃饭，而且要表现得超友善。把他家房子夸得天花乱坠，问一大堆问题，比如他这套房子买了多久。等到你家孩子开始发脾气，你就有了离开的完美借口。主人会很高兴客人带着吵闹的幼儿告辞的。
务必将拜访日期约在你假期开始时，越早越好。这样就可以赶紧结束这件事，然后你会发觉13天远离办公室政治的假期跟14天几乎没差别。
读者的建议
要得体
别失礼。你可以得体的接受邀请，把时间安排在双胞胎睡觉以后（如有必要可以提前耗尽他们的精力），在老板家逗留一个小时左右，在主人感到疲倦前告辞，不要谈工作的事。如果你提及工作，你就是在招你妻子发火。
经理（已退休），女性
无论如何都要避开
我在马略卡岛有间可爱的橄榄油磨坊，挨着一个建有大坝的水库，大坝高出水面3米，你可以从大坝上跳进水里。去年夏天我的管理合伙人在附近租了栋度假别墅，让我很是意外，于是我邀请他一起吃午餐。饭后我们都去水库跳水，结果我被吓到了，他既不跳水，也不游泳，而且明显很害怕。这件事的结果是我对他的看法一落千丈，而且再也没恢复过来。所以为了你的职业生涯考虑，无论如何也要避开这次邀请。
专业人士，男性
好爸爸
如果你妻子不愿和你一起去，就让她留在别墅里——她比谁都有理由休假。带齐小孩下泳池的所有装备（不知道就问你妻子），然后你自己照顾一个，请你老板帮忙照看另一个。你们不会有时间和精力去谈工作或讨论办公室政治的。作为一个亲自照顾孩子的好父亲，就算你老板不给你加分，他妻子也会的。
另一个任性的妻子
双赢
无论发生什么事，貌似都对你有利。如果你妻子果然无理取闹，你可以在上班时道歉，而你的老板则会叹息着对你报以大男子主义的同情。如果你孩子吐得哪哪都是，一样。当然，如果你们两家人相处融洽就更好了。无论怎样，你老板将会看到你的另一面，而且你以后跟老板就有了工作以外的话题。
匿名
嫉妒的圈套
这肯定是一个去不了马略卡岛，满心嫉妒的同事下的圈套。很明显文中这位老板也像我们一样是《金融时报》的读者，而这位“34岁的男性经理”在他眼里将显得极端愚蠢，甚至无礼，居然在这儿把问题公布出来。