英文原版

Modern elevators are strange and complex entities. The ancient electric winch and “maximum-capacity-eight-persons” jobs bear as much relation to a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Happy Vertical People Transporter as a packet of mixed nuts does to the entire west wing of the Sirian State Mental Hospital.
This is because they operate on the curios principle of “defocused temporal perception”. In other words they have the capacity to see dimly into the immediate future, which enables the elevator to be on the right floor to pick you up even before you knew you wanted it, thus eliminating all the tedious chatting, relaxing, and making friends that people were previously forced to do whist waiting for elevators.
Not unnaturally, many elevators imbued with intelligence and precognition became terribly frustrated with the mindless business of going up and down, up and down, experimented briefly with the notion of going sideways, as a sort of existential protest, demanded participation in the decision-making process and finally took to squatting in basements sulking.
An impoverished hitch-hiker visiting any planets in the Sirius star system these days can pick up easy money working as a counsellor for neurotic elevators.
At the fifteenth floor the elevator doors opened quickly.
“Fifteenth,” said the elevator, “and remember, I’m only doing this because I like your robot.”
Zaphod and Marvin bundled out of the elevator which instantly snapped its doors shut and dropped as fast as its mechanism would take it.
Zaphod looked around warily. The corridor was deserted and silent and gave no clue as to where Zarniwoop might be found. All the doors that led off the corridor were closed and unmarked.
They were standing close to the bridge which led across from one tower of the building to the other. Through a large window the brilliant sun of Ursa Minor Beta threw blocks of light in which danced small specks of dust. A shadow flitted past momentarily.
“Left in the lurch by a lift,” muttered Zaphod, who was feeling at his least jaunty.
They both stood and looked in both directions.
“You know something?” said Zaphod to Marvin.
“More that you can possibly imagine.”
“I’m dead certain this building shouldn’t be shaking,” Zaphod said.
It was just a light tremor through the soles of his feet – and another one. In the sunbeams the flecks of dust danced more vigorously. Another shadow flitted past.
Zaphod looked at the floor.
“Either,” he said, not very confidently, “they’ve got some vibro system for toning up your muscles while you work, or…”
He walked across to the window and suddenly stumbled because at that moment his Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive sunglasses had turned utterly black. A large shadow flitted past the window with a sharp buzz.
Zaphod ripped off his sunglasses, and as he did so the building shook with a thunderous roar. He leapt to the window.
“Or,” he said, “this building’s being bombed!”
Another roar cracked through the building.
现代化电梯都是些奇怪和复杂的玩意儿。古老的电动绞车以及“限载八人”的工作与天狼星控制系统公司快乐人体垂直传送器相比，就像将一包混合坚果与天狼星国立精神病医院的整个西翼大楼相提并论。
这是因为，它们的操作是基于“非聚焦时间性知觉”这一奇特的原理。换句话说，它们具备某种能力，可以朦胧地预见很短时间之后的未来。于是，这些电梯有了这种本事：没等你自己弄明白自己想去哪儿，它们就能将你送到正确的楼层。这样一来，也就免去了等电梯时人们被迫要进行的所有那些单调乏味的交谈、放松以及相互结识。
于是很自然，许多充满智慧和预见的电梯感到失落，因为它们只是简单地重复着上上下下、下下上上的活路。它们偶尔会短暂地将斜向运行的念头付诸试验，相当于某种存在主义式的抗议。它们也会要求参与乘客的决策过程，最终常常以蹲到地下室里生闷气告终。
这期间，对一个穷得丁当响的星际漫游者来说，有一个轻松赚钱的小窍门，前提是他在天狼星星系的任何一颗行星上：为这种神经兮兮的电梯的乘客充当搭乘顾问。
到了十五层，电梯门猛然间迅速滑开了。
“十五层。”电梯说，“别忘了，我只是因为喜欢你的机器人才这么做的。”
赞福德和马文赶忙出了电梯，而它也立即关上门，以它的机械装置所能达到的最快速度开始下降。
赞福德仔细地观察了一下四周。走廊里没有人，一片寂静，找不到任何可以指示扎尼乌普在哪儿的线索。走廊两侧所有的门都关着，而且没有标牌。
他们站的地方靠近连接这栋建筑的双塔的那座桥。小熊星座贝塔星明亮的太阳透过一扇巨大的窗户照进来，尘埃在光束中跳动起舞。一片阴影短暂地掠过。
“咱们被一部电梯给扔到困境里了。”赞福德喃喃地说，感觉不到一丝一毫的轻松。
他们俩站在原地，四下打量着。
“对这儿，你有什么见解？”赞福德问马文。
“比你有可能想像到的要多。”
“别的不说，至少我知道一点，百分之百肯定。这栋大楼不会摇晃。”赞福德说。
就在此时，一阵轻微的晃动传到了他的脚掌——随后又是另外一次。光束中，尘埃舞动得更有活力了。又一片阴影掠过。
赞福德盯着地面。
“或许，”他不太确定地说，“他们有一套振动系统，在你工作时可以增强你的肌肉，或者……”
他朝窗户走过去，突然间绊了一下，这是由于他的祖·杰塔200型超级色度危险感应太阳镜此刻完全变黑了。一片巨大的阴影带着尖利的呼啸声掠过窗户。
赞福德扯下太阳镜。他这么做的同时，整栋大楼摇晃起来，伴随着一阵雷鸣般的轰响。他一步跳到窗户前。
“又或许，”他说，“这栋大楼快要爆炸了！”
又一阵轰响传遍了大楼。

背景阅读

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