英文原版

“One moment I was sitting in your ship feeling very depressed, and the next moment I was standing here feeling utterly miserable. An Improbability Field I expect.”
“Yeah,” said Zaphod, “I expect my great grandfather sent you along to keep me company.”
“Thanks a bundle, grandad,” he added to himself under his breath.
“So, how are you?” he said aloud.
“Oh, fine,” said Marvin, “if you happen to like being me which personally I don’t.”
“Yeah, yeah,” said Zaphod as the elevator doors opened.
“Hello,” said the elevator sweetly, “I am to be your elevator for this trip to the floor of your choice. I have been designed by the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation to take you, the visitor to The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, into these their offices. If you enjoy your ride, which will be swift and pleasurable, then you may care to experience some of the other elevators which have recently been installed in the offices of the Galactic tax department, Boobiloo Baby Foods and the Sirian State Mental Hospital, where many ex-Sirius Cybernetics Corporation executives will be delighted to welcome your visits, sympathy, and happy tales of the outside world.”
“Yeah,” said Zaphod, stepping into it, “what else do you do besides talk?”
“I go up,” said the elevator, “or down.”
“Good,” said Zaphod, “We’re going up.”
“Or down,” the elevator reminded him.
“Yeah, OK, up please.”
There was a moment of silence.
“Down’s very nice,” suggested the elevator hopefully.
“Oh yeah?”
“Super.”
“Good,” said Zaphod, “Now will you take us up?”
“May I ask you,” inquired the elevator in its sweetest, most reasonable voice, “if you’ve considered all the possibilities that down might offer you?”
Zaphod knocked one of his heads against the inside wall. He didn’t need this, he thought to himself, this of all things he had no need of. He hadn’t asked to be here. If he was asked at this moment where he would like to be he would probably have said he would like to be lying on the beach with at least fifty beautiful women and a small team of experts working out new ways they could be nice to him, which was his usual reply. To this he would probably have added something passionate on the subject of food.
One thing he didn’t want to be doing was chasing after the man who ruled the Universe, who was only doing a job which he might as well keep at, because if it wasn’t him it would only be someone else. Most of all he didn’t want to be standing in an office block arguing with an elevator.
“Like what other possibilities?” he asked wearily.
“Well,” the voice trickled on like honey on biscuits, “there’s the basement, the microfiles, the heating system… er…”
It paused.
“当时我坐在你的飞船里，感到非常沮丧，可接下来的一瞬间过后，我发现自己站在这里，感到极度悲惨。是一个非概率场，我认为。”
“是的，”赞福德说，“我想是我的曾祖父派你来给我做伴的。”
“非常感谢，曾祖父。”他自言自语地加了一句。
“嗯，你怎么样？”他大声问。
“哦，很好，”马文说，“如果你能成为我的话。至于我自己，我感觉很不好。”
“行啊，随你怎么说吧。”赞福德说。这时电梯门开了。
“您好，”电梯发出甜美的声音，“我是为您的旅途服务的快乐人体垂直传送器，目的地是您选择的楼层。我是由天狼星控制系统公司设计的，用来运送您，《银河系漫游指南》的访问者，到达他们的办公室。如果您喜欢您迅速惬意的乘坐过程，那么您或许也会很愿意体验其他型号的某些电梯，它们最近安装在银河系税务部、波比鲁婴儿食品公司以及天狼星公立精神病医院的办公楼里。特别是最后一处，许多天狼星控制系统公司的前管理人员将会非常欢迎您的到访、您所给予的同情，以及您给他们带去的外面世界的精彩故事。”
“好吧，”赞福德说着迈进了电梯，“除了说话，你还会干什么？”
“我会上升，”电梯回答说，“还有下降。”
“好的，”赞福德说，“那我们就上升吧。”
“还有下降。”电梯提醒他。
“当然，好的。请往上。”
然后是一阵沉默。
“下降的感觉很好。”电梯充满希望地建议道。
“哦，是吗？”
“棒极了。”
“好的，”赞福德说，“不过现在你能带我们上去吗？”
“我能问一下吗？”电梯用它最甜美、最通情达理的声音问道，“您是否已经考虑过了为您提供下降服务的所有可能性？”
赞福德开始用一个脑袋撞击电梯的内墙。他告诉自己，其实他并不需要目前碰上的这一切，所有这些都完全没有必要。他从来就没有要求到这里来。如果现在问他，他最想在哪里，他会说最想躺在沙滩上，身旁起码围着五十名绝色佳丽，加上一小队专家，专门研究如何让她们把他服侍舒服的新办法。一般来说，他的回答就是这个。除此之外，也许还会在食物方面增加一些强烈要求。
而他不愿意做的事就是跟在统治宇宙的那个人屁股后面追赶。如果那个人想干那份工作，那就干吧。因为就算他不干，也会有其他人去干的。当然，他最不愿意做的还是像现在这样，站在一栋办公大楼里，和一部电梯争论。
“什么别的可能性？”他厌倦地说。
“喔，”电梯的声音腻得像蜂蜜滴在饼干上，“有地下室、缩微档案、供热系统……嗯……”
它顿了顿。

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