A few years ago I was having a drink with friends, including one who was dating a guy she had met online. Eventually she took me aside and asked me a question.
几年前，我与几个朋友相聚小酌。其中一个朋友当时正在与一个网上认识的男人约会。后来她把我叫到一旁，问了我一个问题。
'How tall are you?' she said.
她说：你多高？
'I am exactly 6-feet tall,' I replied.
我回答说：正好六英尺（合1.83米）。
'How tall would you say my boyfriend is?'
她问：你觉得我男朋友有多高？
I eyeballed the man standing a few feet away. '5-8. Maybe 5-9,' I replied.
我仔细打量了一下站在几英尺外的那个男人，回答说：五英尺八英寸，要不就五英尺九英寸。
She frowned. 'He says that he's 6-feet tall.'
她皱了皱眉说：他说他六英尺。
'Did he also tell you that he has hair?'
我问道：他有没有说是包括头发的高度？
All my life I have been dealing with guys who lie about their height. Deep down inside, every man wants to be 6-feet tall, even though the national average is 5-10. For men, it is like being a millionaire; it is a club to which a man simply must belong. Lying about one's height, even when there is no chance of getting away with it, is a male thing. Like most male things, it is stupid.
我一辈子都在与谎报身高的男人打交道。内心深处，每个男人都希望自己有六英尺，尽管全美成年男性的平均身高是五英尺10英寸。对男人来说，这就像是必须成为百万富翁；这是一个男人们必须成为其中一员的俱乐部。在身高问题上说谎，即使是不攻自破的谎言，这也是关乎男人尊严的问题。和很多关乎男人尊严的问题一样，谎报身高很愚蠢。
When I was a little kid, the only thing I wanted was to be 6-feet tall. I was convinced that if I was six feet tall, people would leave me alone. I reached that height in my late teens and abruptly, as if on cue, the thugs, punks and bullies who had terrorized me all through high school called off the dogs. Forever. Thugs, punks and bullies always take the path of least resistance, preying on the weak, the elderly, the distaff and the short. They particularly like thin, female octogenarian dwarfs. Preferably blind.
我小时候最大的愿望就是长到六英尺。那时我相信，如果我有六英尺，别人就不会欺负我。我不到20岁时真的长到了六英尺，突然之间，就像是安排好的，那些在整个高中时期恐吓我的流氓、混混和霸王一下子都不再找我的茬了。永远也没再找茬。流氓、混混和小霸王都喜欢捡软柿子捏，欺负那些体弱、年迈、女孩和个子矮的人。他们尤其喜欢欺负瘦小的老太太，最好还是双目失明的。
One cautionary word about height: It's important not to get greedy. Be satisfied to stand 6-feet tall, rather that 6-3 or 6-4. I have it on solid authority from close, taller friends that if you are unusually tall, somebody with a Napoleonic complex will eventually take a swing at you. Just to prove something. But if you are 6-feet tall, they will leave you alone.
在身高问题上我要提醒一句：很重要的一点是别太贪心。六英尺就好，不用非得六英尺三英寸或六英尺四英寸。我在这个问题上很有发言权，因为和我关系密切的大个子朋友曾有过这样的遭遇，如果你非常高，那些有“拿破仑情结”的人会在言语上攻击你，只是为了证明一些东西。但如果你身高六英尺，他们就不会找你的茬。
Men know this. They know that being 6-feet tall puts you in the company of John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, men who were always left alone. So they lie about their height. The problem is, in order for them to lie about their height in a convincing fashion they must induce you to lie about your height as well.
男人们清楚这一点。他们知道身高六英尺可以让你跟约翰・韦恩(John Wayne)和克林特・伊斯特伍德(Clint Eastwood)一样没人敢找茬。所以，他们喜欢谎报身高。问题是，他们为了以一种令人信服的方式谎报身高，必须诱使你也谎报你的身高。
'You must go about six-two, six-three, right?' men 3 inches shorter than me like to say.
那些比我矮三英寸的男人喜欢说：你肯定有六英尺两英寸，要不就是六英尺三英寸，是不是？
'No, I am exactly 6-feet tall,' I reply.
我回答说：不，我六英尺整。
'No, I think you must be taller than that,' they insist.
他们会坚持说：不，我想你肯定不止六英尺。
'I'm 6-feet tall and I am exactly 6-feet tall,' I respond. 'I can go get a tape measure if you like.'
我回答说：我六英尺，整六英尺；如果你愿意，我可以去拿尺子量量。
There are all sorts of things you can lie about with impunity. You can lie about your income or your military service or having seen Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock. Assertions like this are too hard to verify, much less disprove, so you can usually get away with even the most bold-faced lies.
你可以在很多事情上说谎而不必担心受到惩罚。你可以谎报收入或兵役或曾在伍德斯托克看见过吉米・亨德里克斯(Jimi Hendrix)。像这样的话很难去核实，更不用说去证明是假的，所以，即使是最厚颜无耻的谎言通常也不会被揭穿。
No one is going to check to see if you really went to the Sorbonne or lost in the final rounds of a Quebec spelling bee because you misspelled 'cauchemardesque.'
没人会去核实你是否真的上过索邦大学(Sorbonne)，或是因拼错了“cauchemardesque”（法语，意为“噩梦似的”）一词而在魁北克拼字比赛的最后一轮中落败。
No one is going to check to see if you once decked the editor of Details with a single punch. Nor is anyone likely to check if you say that you once worked as an intern for Mike Huckabee or grew up in the same neighborhood as Trent Reznor.
没人会去核实你是否曾将Details杂志的主编一拳打倒在地。也没有人会去核实你是否曾给迈克・赫克比(Mike Huckabee)做实习生，或是小时候与特伦特・雷泽诺(Trent Reznor)住在同一个社区。
But you can't lie about your height. Height is scientifically verifiable. Those of us who are authentically, certifiably 6-feet tall will call you out on it. We are not letting you into our club. It's nothing personal. It's just the way things are.
但你不能在身高问题上说谎。身高是可以用科学的方法验证的。我们这些身高确确实实、且有凭有据为六英尺的人会揭穿你们。我们不会让你们进入我们的俱乐部。这丝毫不带个人感情成分。事情本来就是这样。
A while back, during a medical exam, the physician assistant told me that I was 6-foot-1. This was impossible. It would mean that I had grown an inch since my 50th birthday. Things like that do not happen on this planet.
前不久，在一次体检中，医生助手对我说，我身高六英尺一英寸。这是不可能的。这将意味着我50岁生日之后又长了一英寸。天底下绝不会发生这样的事。
Worse, it would mean that all the 5-foot-11 men I had accused of lying about their height had been telling the truth. So I would have to apologize to them.
更糟糕的是，这将意味着那些我指责其谎报身高的五英尺11英寸的人说的都是实话。所以，我将不得不向他们道歉。
'How tall are you?' I asked the man.
我问这名助手：你多高？
'Six feet,' he replied, drawing himself up to his full 70 inches.
他努力将他自己五英尺10英寸身子挺直，回答说：六英尺。
'In your dreams,' I muttered under my breath. 'In your dreams.'
我低声咕哝道：做梦去吧，做梦去吧。