I'm not sure what I want. I do know that there's a part of me which has always wanted to hear a man say, "Let me take care of you forever," and I have never heard it spoken before. Over the last few years, I'd given up looking for that person, learned how to say this heartening sentence to myself, especially in times of fear. But to hear it from someone else now, from someone who is speaking sincerely . . .

I was thinking about all this last night after Felipe fell asleep, and I was curled up beside him, wondering what would become of us. What are the possible futures? What about the geography question between us—where would we live? Then there's the age difference to consider. Though, when I called my mother the other day to tell her I'd met a really nice man, but—brace yourself, Mom!—"he's fifty-two years old," she was completely non-flummoxed. All she said was, "Well, I've got news for you, Liz. You're thirty-five." (Excellent point, Ma. I'm lucky to get anyone at such a withered age.) Truthfully, though, I don't really mind the age dif-ference, either. I actually like that Felipe is so much older. I think it's sexy. Makes me feel kind of . . . French.

What will happen with us?

Why am I worrying about this, by the way?

What have I not yet learned about the futility of worry?

So after a while, I stopped thinking about all this and just held him while he slept. I am falling in love with this man. Then I fell asleep beside him and had two memorable dreams. Both were about my Guru. In the first dream, my Guru informed me that she was closing down her Ashrams and that she would no longer be speaking, teaching or publishing books. She gave her students one final speech, in which she said, "You've had more than enough teachings. You have been given everything you need to know in order to be free. It's time for you to go out in the world and live a happy life."

The second dream was even more confirming. I was eating in a terrific restaurant in New York City with Felipe. We were having a wonderful meal of lamb chops and artichokes and fine wine and we were talking and laughing happily. I looked across the room and saw Swamiji, my Guru's master, deceased since 1982. But he was alive that night, right there in a snazzy New York restaurant. He was eating dinner with a group of his friends and they also seemed to be having a merry time of it. Our eyes met across the room and Swamiji smiled at me and raised his wineglass in a toast.

And then—quite distinctly—this small Indian Guru who had spoken precious little English during his lifetime mouthed this one word to me across the distance: Enjoy. Eat, Pray, Love

我不确知自己想要什么。但我知道有一部分的自己始终希望听见男人说："让我照顾你一辈子。"从前我未曾听过这句话。过去几年来，我已放弃寻找这个人，而学会对我自己说这句鼓舞的话，尤其在恐惧的时刻。可是现在听见有人诚心诚意对我说这句话……

昨晚在斐利贝睡着后，我思索着这一切，我蜷曲在他身旁，心想我们往后会怎么样。我们的未来有哪些可能？我们的地理差距问题——我们要住在哪里？还有年龄差距也必须考虑。尽管某天我打电话给母亲，告诉她说我遇上一位好男人，只不过——妈，镇定点喔！——"他五十二岁"，但她毫不困惑，只说："小莉，我也有消息告诉你。你三十五岁。"（说得好，妈。在这种人老珠黄的年纪还有人要，真是我的幸运。）尽管我其实也不介意年龄差距。事实上，我喜欢斐利贝比我年长许多。我认为这很性感。这让我觉得有点……法式的感觉。

我们会发生什么？

而我为何对此担心？

我难道还没明白担心无济于事吗？

因此过了一会儿，我不再思索这一切，只是抱住熟睡的他。我爱上这个男人了。而后我在他身旁睡着，做了两个难忘的梦。两者都是关于我的导师。在第一个梦中，我的导师告知我，她即将关闭道场，不再讲道、教学，或出版书籍。她在最后一次向学员讲道时，在讲词中说："你们已经学够了东西。你们已学会让自己自由的一切方式。现在走到世界上去，过快乐的生活吧。"

第二个梦甚至更坚定。我和斐利贝正在纽约市一家好餐厅用餐。我们享用着羊排、洋蓟、美酒，愉快地说说笑笑。而我朝房间的另一头看去，看见导师的名师、1928年过世的思瓦米吉。然而当晚他活在世上，就在纽约的一家时髦餐厅里。他和一群朋友在吃晚饭，他们似乎也很愉快。我们的眼神隔着房间相接在一起，思瓦米吉对我微笑，举杯向我敬酒。

而后——相当清楚地——这位生前几乎不会说英语的矮小印度导师，从远处以口形对我默示：享受吧！