There is turmoil in the strange world of citizenship tests. The UK is planning to revise its test for would-be Britons, adding questions on crucial issues such as the life of the poet Robert Browning. In France's test, introduced this month, applicants must obviously know about Brigitte Bardot. Meanwhile a recent survey by Xavier University found that more than one-third of Americans would fail their own country's naturalisation test. Only 8 per cent could name even one author of the Federalist Papers. And Denmark is quietly scrapping its test. No wonder that no country seems quite happy with its citizenship test. Being a citizen has little to do with what's in your head.
千奇百怪的公民入籍考试领域目前出现了动荡。英国正计划修订针对入籍申请者的考试，增加一些关键的问题，如诗人罗伯特•勃朗宁(Robert Browning)的生平。在本月推出的法国公民入籍考试中，申请者显然必须了解碧姬·巴铎(Brigitte Bardot)。与此同时，泽维尔大学(Xavier University)最近的一项调查显示，超过三分之一的美国人可能通不过本国的入籍考试。只有8%的人能够说出《联邦党人文集》(Federalist Papers)的任何一名作者。同时丹麦正在悄悄放弃该国的入籍考试。难怪没有哪个国家似乎对其公民入籍考试非常满意。成为一个国家的公民与头脑里装了什么没有太大关系。
Tests for wannabe immigrants or citizens came into vogue in the era after September 11 2001. Most seemed designed to weed out Muslim fundamentalists. The Netherlands made this most explicit: along with its test, it released an integratiefilm featuring a gay wedding and topless Dutchwomen. These images were presumably meant to shock Muslims out of coming to the Netherlands, just as they would have shocked most Dutch people of a generation ago. The idea was so brilliant that the anti-immigrant Danish People's Party proposed sticking breasts into Denmark's film. However, the Dutch soon had to offer a breast-free version of their film, after discovering that diligent, aspirant Dutchmen caught with the hardcore version in, say, Afghanistan, might get into difficulty.
针对移民或公民申请者的考试，是在2011年9月11日之后流行起来的。多数此类考试似乎意在淘汰穆斯林原教旨主义者。荷兰的态度最为明确：除了实行考试制度外，还发行一部带有同性恋婚礼和无上装妇女镜头的荷兰生活宣传片。这些画面想必是为了吓走穆斯林，使他们不敢来荷兰（一代人以前，这些画面也会吓着大部分荷兰人）。这个创意如此"高超"，以至于反对移民的丹麦人民党(Danish People's Party)也提议在该国电影中加入乳房画面。然而，荷兰很快发现，有志成为荷兰人的勤奋的、有上进心的外国人如果在阿富汗这样的地方被发现带着这种片子，可能会遇到麻烦。于是，荷兰不得不删除宣传片中的乳房镜头。
The Iraqi refugee Rodaan al Galidi, who wrote a prizewinning novel in Dutch, failed the Netherlands' integration test. He explained afterwards: "I don't know when a woman gets her period after a miscarriage, because I have never been pregnant. I can prove that."
曾经用荷兰语写了一部获奖作品的伊拉克难民卢达恩∙阿尔∙加里迪(Rodaan al Galidi)没能通过入籍考试。后来他解释说："我不知道女士在流产之后什么时候会再来例假，因为我从未怀孕过。我可以证明。"
Other countries took the high road. The UK felt that prospective Britons should have some familiarity with the Magna Carta. At a debate on the matter in London, someone asked who in the room had actually read the Magna Carta. Of the several hundred overeducated Londoners present, only two or three raised their hands.
其他国家选择比较阳春白雪的内容。英国认为准英国人应该熟悉《大宪章》(Magna Carta)。在伦敦关于这个话题的一场辩论中，有人问在场的人中谁真正读过《大宪章》，在场的几百位受过高等教育的伦敦人中只有两三个人举手。
Every country has made much the same discovery: few natives can answer basic constitutional questions. The German Green politician Volker Beck said Germany's citizenship test "expects knowledge that Germans only have after they've studied law for a semester".
每个国家都得出了同样的结论：土生土长的人中很少有人能够回答基本的宪法问题。德国绿党政界人士富克尔•贝克(Volker Beck)表示，德国的公民入籍考试"要求掌握德国人需要学过一学期的法律才能具备的知识。"
Immigrants memorise the answers, and generally pass, though it's doubtful how much knowledge sticks. A Filipina I know recently attended her day-long "citizenship course" in Paris. That evening I asked her what she'd learnt. There was this European organisation, she said, which excluded Turkey. Or maybe, she added, it included Turkey. What had most impressed her that day were the constant meal breaks, which may indeed be the best introduction to Frenchness.
移民们通过死记硬背，一般能够通过考试，尽管他们真正消化吸收了多少知识令人怀疑。我认识的一个菲律宾女士最近参加了巴黎一个全天的"公民课程"。当天晚上我问她都学到了什么。她说，有一个什么欧洲的组织，不包括土耳其，后来她又补充说，可能也包括土耳其在内。那天给她印象最深刻的是接二连三的进餐休息时间，这或许的确是引导她熟悉法国生活方式的最好方式。
The most famous story about citizenship tests points up their essential wrongness. In 1947, the great Austrian logician Kurt Gödel went to a hearing in Trenton, New Jersey, to acquire American citizenship. His friends Albert Einstein and the economist Oskar Morgenstern came along. The story has long been shrouded in myth, but "the lost Morgenstern document", containing Morgenstern's 1971 memories of the affair, surfaced some years ago. We now know what happened.
有个关于公民资格考试的最著名故事，让我们看出此类考试的根本缺陷。1947年，伟大的奥地利逻辑学家库尔特•哥德尔(Kurt Gödel)前往美国新泽西州特伦顿(Trenton)参加听证会，以获得美国国籍。他的朋友阿尔伯特•爱因斯坦(Albert Einstein)和经济学家奥斯卡•摩根斯坦(Oskar Morgenstern)也陪他前往。这个故事长期被披上传奇外衣，但丢失的"摩根斯坦文档"（记载着摩根斯坦1971年对那次考试的回忆）前些年又找到了。现在我们知道当时发生了什么。
Gödel had taken the hearing seriously. "Since he is a very thorough man," recorded Morgenstern, "he started informing himself about the history of the settlement of North America by human beings. That led gradually to the study of the History of American Indians, their various tribes, etc."
哥德尔很重视那次听证会。"由于他是个特别较真的人，"摩根斯坦回忆道，"他开始研究人类在北美定居的历史。这慢慢地又让他考察上了美洲印第安人的历史、他们的不同部落等问题。"
Eventually Gödel got to the American constitution, and made a terrifying discovery: a malevolent president could exploit a loophole and set up as a fascist dictator! Ah, said Einstein and Morgenstern, best not to raise this at the hearing.
最后，哥德尔查阅了美国《宪法》，并得出了一个令人恐怖的发现：一个心存邪念的总统可能利用其中的一个漏洞，让自己成为法西斯主义独裁者！算了吧，爱因斯坦和摩根斯坦都说，你在听证会上最好别提这一点。
Morgenstern drove them all to Trenton. In the car, Einstein teased: "Now, Gödel, are you really well prepared for this examination?" As Einstein had intended, the remark made Gödel even more anxious.
摩根斯坦开车载着大家来到了特伦顿。在车里，爱因斯坦拿哥德尔取乐："哥德尔，现在你当真对这次考试准备充分了吗？"正如爱因斯坦所料，这话让哥德尔愈发焦虑了。
In Trenton, the judge asked Gödel where he came from. "Where I come from? Austria," replied Gödel in heavy Teutonic tones. The judge asked him about Austria's form of government. Gödel explained: "It was a republic, but the constitution was such that it finally was changed into a dictatorship."
到了特伦顿，法官问哥德尔从哪里来。哥德尔用浓重的日耳曼口音回答："我从哪里来？从奥地利来。"法官又问他奥地利是什么政体。哥德尔解释道："奥地利是共和政体，但宪法是如此的无力，结果变成了一个独裁国家。"
"Oh! This is very bad," said the judge, and added consolingly: "This could not happen in this country." "Oh yes it can!" shouted Gödel, "I can prove it." Whereupon Einstein, Morgenstern and the judge hastily shut him up, and the hearing concluded. That's because these tests require only memorised factual answers. Any deeper knowledge creates trouble.
法官表示，"哦，这可太不幸了。"然后如释重负地表示："这种情况不可能会发生在美国。""不对，美国有可能发生，"哥德尔喊了出来，"我可以证明这一点！"法官、爱因斯坦所和摩根斯坦都赶紧让他闭嘴，听证会就此结束。这是因为，应对这类考试只需要背诵事实型答案。更深入的知识会招来麻烦。
And even a modest factual test is probably pointless. It would be nice to live in a polis where all citizens have some familiarity with the Magna Carta, but we never will. To be a citizen, it doesn't matter what you know, or what crazy stuff you have in your head. If you believe homosexuals are infidels, that's fine. In a democracy you can believe what you like. You just can't act on certain beliefs.
即便是考察对事实了解程度的难度不大的考试，也很可能毫无意义。要是能生活在每名公民都对《大宪章》有所了解的城邦里，将是一件很理想的事，但我们永远也办不到。要成为一名公民，无论你了解多少知识，或者你心里装了哪些疯狂的想法，这都不要紧。如果你认为同性恋者是异教徒，那也没关系。在民主国家里，你有信仰的自由。你只是不可以依照某些信仰去行事。
Penniless governments could save themselves some cash by ceasing to examine people's minds.
一文不名的政府也可能省下一点钱，别再审查人们心里在想些什么了。