Here's what I caught myself thinking about in meditation this morning.

今早禅坐之时，我突然发觉自己在想些什么。

I was wondering where I should live once this year of traveling has ended. I don't want to move back to New York just out of reflex. Maybe a new town, instead. Austin is supposed to be nice. And Chicago has all that beautiful architecture. Horrible winters, though. Or maybe I'll live abroad. I've heard good things about Sydney . . . If I lived somewhere cheaper than New York, maybe I could afford an extra bedroom and then I could have a special meditation room! That'd be nice. I could paint it gold. Or maybe a rich blue. No, gold. No, blue . . .

我在想，今年旅行结束后，该定居何处。我不想出自本能而搬回纽约。或许搬去别的城镇。奥斯汀应该不错。芝加哥有美丽的建筑，尽管冬天冷得吓人。或许旅居国外。我听说悉梨有许多优点……如果我住在消费低于纽约的城市，或许负担得起第二间卧室，那就有个专属禅坐室！那一定很好。我可以把它漆成金色！或宝蓝色。不，金色。不，蓝色……

Finally noticing this train of thought, I was aghast. I thought: Here you are in India, in an Ashram in one of the holiest pilgrimage sites on earth. And instead of communing with the divine, you're trying to plan where you'll be meditating a year from now in a home that doesn't yet exist in a city yet to be determined. How about this, you spastic fool—how about you try to meditate right here, right now, right where you actually are?

终于留意到这一连串思路时，我吓了一跳。我心想：你现在人在印度的道场，在世界上最神圣的地方之一。你不与神进行交流，却计划一年后在哪儿禅坐，在一个尚未决定的城市，一个尚未存在的家。你这麻痹的蠢人，这样好吧——试着在此时此地禅坐，如何？

I pulled my attention back to the silent repetition of the mantra.

我将注意力拉回，反复默念咒语。

A few moments later, I paused to take back that mean comment about calling myself a spastic fool. I decided maybe that wasn't very loving.

过了一会儿，我暂停下来，收回自称“麻痹的蠢人”的恶评。我断定这有点刻薄。

Still, I thought in the next moment, a gold meditation room would be nice. I opened my eyes and sighed. Is this really the best I can do?

过了一会儿，我又想，“不过，金色的禅坐室还是不错”。我睁开眼睛叹口气。我的程度真的只能这么表现吗？

So, that evening, I tried something new. I'd recently met a woman at the Ashram who'd been studying Vipassana meditation. Vipassana is an ultraorthodox, stripped-down and very intensive Buddhist meditation technique. Basically, it's just sitting. An introductory Vipassana course lasts for ten days, during which time you sit for ten hours a day in stretches of silence that last two to three hours at a time. It's the Extreme Sports version of transcendence. Your Vipassana master won't even give you a mantra; this is considered a kind of cheating. Vipas-sana meditation is the practice of pure regarding, witnessing your mind and offering your complete consideration to your thought patterns, but allowing nothing to move you from your seat.

于是，当天傍晚，我尝试新法。最近我在道场遇见一位曾学过“内观”（Vipassana）禅修法的女子。“内观”是一种极端正统派、直探内心、集中密集的佛教禅修法，基本上就是“静坐”。内观的入门课程历时十天，每天静坐十小时，每次的静坐持续两三个小时。这是超越自我的极限版。你的内观师傅甚至未给你咒语；那被认为是作弊。内观禅修旨在训练纯粹地凝视、目击自己的心灵、完全尊重你的思考模式，却让你稳坐如泰山。