找到折衷点

1. 找到折衷点。
“婚姻就得互相迁就。” 亚利桑那州图桑市(Tucson)一位退休的医院院长玛琳•克里奇(Marlene Critch)说。1959年，她经人介绍认识了自己未来的丈夫比尔(Bill)。比尔带了一水壶的酒，邀她一起外出野餐，两个月后两人就结为伉俪。

　　-- Find the middle ground. 'It's all give and take,' says Marlene Critch, a retired hospital director in Tucson. She met her husband Bill on a blind date in 1959. He took her on a picnic with a thermos of gin and tonics; they married two months later.

　　一转眼，50年过去了。克里奇夫妇在西雅图养大了两个女儿，比尔患有严重的心脏病，但两人依然相互扶持，不离不弃。他们每天早上一起游泳，玛琳晚上睡不着的时候，比尔就给她念童话故事，帮她安睡。

　　Flash ahead 50 years. The Critches have raised two daughters in Seattle and weathered his severe heart condition. They swim together each morning, and he reads her children's books when she has trouble falling asleep at night.

　　他们说，妥协和让步帮助他们度过婚姻中的起起伏伏。75岁的比尔说，他做出的妥协是结婚不久后就从空军退役，因为玛琳受不了他长时间不在家的日子。（在我的逼问下，他又说了一样东西：“日本酱汤”。）

　　Compromise, they say, got them through the good and bad times. Mr. Critch, 75, says he compromised by quitting the Air Force early in their marriage, because it bothered her that he was away from home so much. (Press him for more concessions, and he says, 'Miso soup.')

　　74岁的玛琳说，她做出的妥协是同意退休后到亚利桑那州生活，因为她丈夫喜欢那里的气候。（她自己希望继续住在西雅图，离女儿们近一点。）

　　Ms. Critch, 74, says she made her own compromise by agreeing to retire to Arizona, where her husband preferred the climate. (She wanted to stay in Seattle to be close to their daughters.)

　　“如果每人都能让步75%，两个人就有150%的灵活空间。” 玛琳说道。她丈夫也表示同意：“很多男人会说这是怕老婆的表现，但我不这么看。向妻子妥协，是因为对我而言，她是这世上最重要的。”

　　'If each person can give 75 percent, you've got 150 percent,' says Ms. Critch. Her husband agrees. 'Many men would call that wussy,' he says. 'But I don't because I value her more than anything else in the world.'

　　与此相似，简•康科尔(Jan Konkel)和兰恩•康科尔(Len Konkel)已经结婚62年。他们很久以前就彼此说好，永远不为小事而争吵，这让他们在如何养育自己三个孩子等方面少了很多争吵。“除了婚姻，其他的都是小事，都可以商量着解决。”84岁的简说道。

　　Similarly, Jan and Len Konkel, who have been married for 62 years, long ago made a pact to never argue over anything that wasn't very important, saving their battles for things like how to raise their three children. 'Everything else is minor and can be settled in a discussion,' says Ms. Konkel, 84.

　　88岁的兰恩也同意妻子的说法：“我们有商有量的，我经常说‘好的、老婆’，也经常说‘不好、老婆’。”

　　Her husband, well, agrees. 'I say 'Yes ma'am' and 'No ma'am' a lot,' says Mr. Konkel, 88.

要有幽默感

　　2. 要有幽默感。1967年的一个晚上，杰琪•伊根(Jackie Egan)和肯•伊根(Ken Egan)在马萨诸塞州Newton市一家舞蹈俱乐部相识。肯向杰琪索吻，但遭到拒绝。“我还不了解你，” 杰琪对他说，“而且我的吻就像‘乐事薯片’一样，你不可能只想吃一片。”

　　-- Be funny. On the night in 1967 that Jackie and Ken Egan met at a dance club in Newton, Mass., he asked her for a kiss. She declined: 'I don't know you,' she told him. 'And my kisses are like Lay's potato chips -- you wouldn't want just one.'

　　伊根夫妇住在马萨诸塞州的Marshfield市，养育了四个孩子，两人周一刚刚庆祝了40周年的结婚纪念日。杰琪说，幽默帮他们度过很多难关，不然的话他们会被生活中的一些小事逼疯──比如肯在饮食上挑三拣四，经常忘记把坐便器的盖子放下来；杰琪往往不等丈夫把故事说完就打断他，还喜欢买很多的小摆设。

　　The Egans, who live in Marshfield, Mass., and have four children, just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary on Monday. Ms. Egan says laughter helps them deal with issues that would otherwise drive them nuts -- such as Mr. Egan's fussy eating habits and forgetfulness about putting the toilet seat down. Or Ms. Egan's inability to let her husband finish a story without interrupting him, or her many knickknacks.

　　“你得从对方恼人的生活习惯中发现一些有趣的地方，这有助于维护双方的感情，”69岁的杰琪说道。

　　'You need to learn to find the humor in each other's annoying habits. It helps you keep the affection,' says Ms. Egan, 69.

保留自己的小秘密

　　3. 保留自己的（一些）小秘密。1961年，扑克教父多尔•布朗森在德克萨斯州一个西部乡村俱乐部遇到自己未来的妻子路易丝。多尔告诉路易丝自己以赌博为生，路易丝不以为意，全盘接受了他。“最重要的是彼此相爱，”现年78岁的路易丝说，“你必须爱你的配偶，甚至超过自己的生命。”

　　-- Keep (some) secrets. When poker legend Doyle Brunson met his wife Louise at a country-and-western club in Texas in 1961, he told her he gambled for a living. And she accepted him for who he is. 'Love is the most important thing,' says Louise Brunson, 78. 'You have to love your spouse more than life itself.'

　　布朗森夫妇住在拉斯维加斯，在47年的婚姻生活中经历过不少严峻的考验，包括一个女儿的死亡，以及一起对自己房子的武装抢劫，当时他们都遭到捆绑，被人用枪指着头。

　　The Brunsons, who live in Las Vegas, have stood by each other through some serious trials in their 47 years of marriage, including the death of a daughter and an armed robbery of their home, during which they were tied up at gunpoint.

　　“生活还得继续，没办法回头。”76岁的多尔说。即便如此，布朗森夫妇并不分享彼此之间的所有秘密。多尔从不跟路易丝谈自己的生意。“我经常有几百万美元的输赢，而我从不让她知道，”多尔说。路易丝表示，丈夫这么做没问题。“我有自己的银行存款帐户，”她说道。

　　'You have to go forward, you can't go back,' says Mr. Brunson, 76. Even so, the Brunsons don't share everything. He does not discuss his business with her. 'I have won and lost millions of dollars without her knowing,' he says. Ms. Brunson says that's just fine with her. 'I have my own bank account,' she says.

永不放弃

　　4. 永不放弃。这一点尤其重要，需要引起我们的注意。雪伦•奥斯伯恩说，正是这一信条让她坚守在丈夫奥兹•奥斯伯恩身边28年，并将继续坚守下去。她嫁给了一个“黑暗王子”，奥兹曾经把一只活蝙蝠的头活生生地咬下来。（还有一次咬的是一只鸽子。）

　　-- Never, ever give up. This tip is really important, so pay attention. Sharon Osbourne says it is how she stayed with husband Ozzy for 28 years and counting. And she's married to the Prince of Darkness. He bit the head off of a live bat, for God's sake. (Ditto a dove.)

　　奥兹多年来吸毒和酗酒成瘾，根本不管这种做法将给追星族们带来不良影响，以及过量吸食可能会致死。奥兹曾放火把自己的房子点燃，在高速公路正中间昏迷不醒，还有一次差点把雪伦勒死。

　　He also spent years strung out on drugs and alcohol. Never mind the groupies and the near-fatal overdoses. This man set fire to his house, passed out on a freeway median, and once tried to strangle his wife.

　　雪伦自己也曾试图用车撞死奥兹，用榔头把奥兹获得的金唱片奖砸碎，并向法院申请对奥兹的禁制令。“我们之间的婚姻就像一场肥皂闹剧，”57岁的雪伦说，她同时也是丈夫的经纪人。

　　Ms. Osbourne, for her part, tried to run him over with a car, smashing his gold records with a hammer and taking out a restraining order. 'We became like a soap opera,' says Ms. Osbourne, 57, who is her husband's manager.

　　尽管如此，雪伦仍未离开奥兹。为什么？因为她觉得丈夫清醒的时候是个好人，而且有朝一日能把毒瘾和酒瘾戒掉。她还深信，奥兹就是自己的灵魂伴侣。“最近有两次，我们在同一个晚上做了同样的梦。” 雪伦说。

　　And yet she stuck by her man. Why? Because she felt he was a good person when sober and that he would kick his addictions one day. And she still believes he is her soul mate. ('Twice recently we've had the same dream on the same night,' she says.)

　　“我结婚的时候，坚信这段感情将永生永世，我是个很固执的人。” 和丈夫生了三个孩子的雪伦说道。

　　'I went into marriage thinking it was forever. So I was stubborn,' says Ms. Osbourne who has three children with her husband.

　　以前结过一次婚的奥兹在“六、七年前”终于醒悟过来，他说很高兴妻子对自己始终不离不弃，“不能一遇到麻烦，就马上摇白旗投降。” 奥兹说道。

　　Mr. Osbourne, who had been married once before, finally did sober up 'six or seven years' ago, he says. He says he is very glad his wife stuck it out. 'You don't throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble,' he says.

　　奥兹说自己始终记住一点，每天都对妻子说“我爱你”──不管身在世界哪个地方，不管是否烂醉如泥，或吸毒吸得神智不清。“有的时候她会说‘去死吧！’或‘给我滚！’，但吵架意味着至少我们还在对话。如果夫妻之间不再交谈，那就该说拜拜了。”

　　And so Mr. Osbourne says he has made a point of telling his wife he loved her every single day -- no matter where he was in the world, no matter how drunk or high. 'She sometimes said 'Drop dead' or 'F -- off,'' he says. 'But at least if you are arguing, you are talking. If you stop talking, it's time to call it a day.'

多活几年

　　5. 多活几年。我姐姐是个医生。她对我讲起自己一个病人的故事。那是位92岁高龄的女士，她每次来看病的时候，94岁的丈夫都陪着她一起来。这对高龄夫妇已经结婚将近70年。

　　-- Stay alive. My sister, a doctor, told me about one of her patients, a 92-year-old woman who showed up for her appointment with her husband, who is 94. They said they have been married for almost 70 years.

　　我姐姐很是惊讶，问那对夫妻婚姻如此长久的秘诀。他们彼此对望了许久，然后那个妻子说话了：“呃，因为我们俩都还没死。”

　　My sister, highly impressed, asked the couple the secret to their union's longevity. And they looked at each other for a long moment. Then the wife spoke: 'Eh, neither of us died.'