Funny New Year Resolutions

Check out these funny and innovative New Year's Resolutions! Enjoy these and make some for yourself...Surely you will enjoy!!
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
我决定今天不再穿着睡衣在客厅里宅一天，我要把电脑搬到卧室去。
I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.
我不会再把时间浪费在反省过去上，我要把它们用来担心未来。
I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.
我不会再用那些借口跟老板请假了，我要想一些新的理由。
I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
新年里，我要减少洗衣服的次数，多用除臭剂。
I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.
我要尽可能避免洗澡，节省水资源。
Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.
向我的律师保证，再也不会喝醉了上拘留所。
I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....
我要戒掉巧克力，完全地，绝对地，彻底地……
I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.
我要弄清楚为什么我会有9个电子邮箱。
I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).
我不再给我的老公（老婆）写电子邮件了。
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
我要和那个不争气的孩子——我自己，一起加油

I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
I will think of a password other than "password."
I will not tell the same story at every get together.
I won't worry so much.
I will cut my hair.
I will grow my hair.
I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!
I will be more imaginative.
I will not hang around girls - they think you love them and that sucks.
I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.

Resolutions You Would be Tempted to Keep...
For those who are scared of making resolutions here are some resolutions they would actually be tempted to keep!!

Spend more time watching TV / movies.
Chat more over phone / Internet.
Read less.
I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
Stop exercising. Waste of time.
Procrastinate more.
Drink. Drink some more.
Start being superstitious.
Spend more less time at work.
Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
Take up a new habit: Maybe smoking!