My advantage is that I am handsome, but my disadvantage is that the handsomeness is not so obvious.

我的优点是：我很帅；而我的缺点是：我帅得不明显。

When I went shopping one day, a group of girls stopped me, saying that I was handsome. But I denied it, and then they hit me and said I am hypocritical.

有一次我上街，一群女孩把我拦住，她们说我帅。我不承认，她们就打我，还说我虚伪。

I am an angel, and the reason why I can not go back to heaven is the problem of my weight.

我是天使，回不去天堂是因为体重的原因。

Although you wear some cologne, I can still vaguely smell a scummy whiff out of you.

虽然你身上喷了古龙水，但我还是能隐约闻到一股人渣味儿。

It does not hurt feelings, when it comes to money, but it indeed damn cost money when it comes to feelings.

谈钱不伤感情，但是谈感情最伤钱。

The accountant said : "Could you please come for your earnings later, because I have no change here?"

会计说：“你能晚点来领工资么，我这儿没零钱。”

I curse your buying instant noodles without getting flavoring bags.

我诅咒你一辈子买方便面没有调料包。

The most mysterious department in the history is the department concerned.

史上最神秘的部门就是——有关部门。

There are two things that I could not do in my life--I could not do this and I could not do that.

我这辈子只有两件事不会去做——这也不做，那也不做。

The others have their background, while what I have is the sight of my back.

人家有的是背景，而我有的是背影。

Never treat a dried shrimp not as seafood.

别把虾米不当海鲜。

Since there are so many deceivers, it is very obvious that idiots are not enough.

骗子太多，傻子的数量明显跟不上了。

We never be afraid that thieves carry their tools, but afraid they know some kind of technology.

不怕偷儿带工具，就怕偷儿懂科技。