There are a lot of books, magazine articles, and other such writings that will try to tell you what a girl really wants, and what is important to her. The problem with an awful lot of them is that they are based on polls of hundreds or thousands of girls.

Why wouldn't you want to ask as many girls as possible? The answer is simple, but not necessarily something everyone thinks about when they read such polls... when you run a large poll, you get a lot of people answering the way they think they are "supposed to", rather than the way they actually feel.

If you want to know the truth, you have to ask people who are comfortable enough with you to be candid. The list below is compiled from conversations with the girls I know (and have known) well enough for them to tell me about things like this.

Keep in mind that, as the title says, this is what matters to a girl on the first date (and possibly the second or third)... not what matters long term. The two are definitely different things, although most of the same things still matter, it's more a matter of which areas are more important (ie looks are far more important at the beginning than later in your relationship... but they DO still matter, even years later).

What Matters To A Girl On The First Date
Looks

Most women, when polled, will say looks aren't that important. Most women, when speaking to someone they know, admit that they are important. Let's face it... when you are attracted to someone physically, you look for reasons to like them mentally and emotionally.

Looks affect everything else on this list... because people subconsciously overlook minor bad things, and emphasize minor good things, when they are dealing with someone whom they find attractive. This holds true whether you're interested in a relationship with them or not... that's why attractive people do better in jobs with a lot of personal interaction (like sales).

Oddly enough, it works the other way, too... after you get to know someone, if you don't like them, you'll find them less physically attractive... or if you DO like them, you'll find them more physically attractive.

Conversational Ability

Another thing that women will notice immediately is your conversational ability. If you speak well, and can speak about a wide variety of things, you will leave her interested and wanting to talk to you more... especially if your skills are great enough to allow you to direct the conversation based on her verbal and non-verbal communication.

If, on the other hand, your speech is filled with "uhhh" and "ummm", she may become bored and start thinking about other things... and if you want to leave a good impression on a first date, you have to keep her focused on the present.

Cleanliness

Another thing that women notice nearly immediately is your cleanliness. Unless the date is to do something physically demanding together, you should be clean and smell good... and it wouldn't hurt at all to start out that way, even if you ARE doing something physical.

Keeping your facial hair under control is important, too... you should shave or trim regularly. In other words, whatever facial hair is on your face should look like it's there intentionally, not because you're too lazy to take the time to clean up.

Attention

This is one of the most common ways to ruin an otherwise good date... whether it's your first or not. When you go on a date with someone, your attention should be on them. That means you shouldn't be checking out other people, but it also means that you shouldn't be taking calls on your cell phone, or talking about work, etc.

If your attention starts wandering during a date, you are essentially telling the other person that they are not important to you, though that may not even be the case... it's still what you are communicating. And they WILL pick up on it... believe me.

Clothes

Another thing that women will notice, especially on first dates, but later in the relationship as well, is how you dress. Make sure that everything matches and is clean, and also that you dress appropriately for the date.

Even more importantly than that, though, is making sure that your "level" of dress matches hers... it will make most women very uncomfortable on a date if you are dressed either much more formally or much more casually than she is.

Fun

One of the biggest things, maybe actually the biggest thing, that a woman will remember about a first date is how much fun she had. If you set up a fun date, where you have something interesting to do for the time you are together (without having to rush from place to place with no time in between), it shows that you feel she is important enough to spend the time and energy to plan such a thing.

It also leaves you associated with that fun in her thoughts... when she thinks of it, she'll think of you. Being linked, mentally, to good times and fun is nearly invaluable in building relationships.

Her Importance

All of the things above (with the exception of #1), when taken together, paint a picture of her importance to you. When you go out of your way, spending extra time and attention on getting yourself ready and on the date itself, it tells her that she matters to you, that you place a high value on her and your time together.

That perception of her value to you is the key to using a first date as the start of a strong relationship. It is also a major piece of the strength of an ongoing relationship... no one wants to feed their time and energy, their heart and emotions, into a relationship where they don't feel valued. So take the time to make her feel valued on your first date... and then continue that on every date afterward, for the rest of your relationship.

The impact of how important you feel that you are to the person that you're with cannot be overstated. It's not just important to a good date, or even a good relationship... it plays a major role in your overall mental and emotional health.

All of the things above that you have control over affect that feeling of importance to you for the girl that you're with. Good looks can make her feel even more special (silly but true), but really have less impact on the overall feeling than the rest of the points... especially after the first date.

Anyone disagree with any of the items on my list? I'd like to hear from both women and men... did I list something that really is of no importance (remember, this is not "shouldn't matter", it's actually doesn't matter), or leave off something of significance?

市面上许多各种各样的书籍、杂志，以及其他类似的文章都会告诉你，女孩子真正想要的是什么，还有什么对她们来说才是最重要的。这些问题的答案都是基于成千上百的女孩子投票得出的结果。

那你为什么没有想过自己问问尽可能多的女孩来解开迷惑呢？答案很简单，但是并不是每一个人看到这种民意测试时能够想得到的。当你发起一场大的民意调查，你所得到的答案都是他们认为自己应该是怎么样的，而并非他们实际的想法。

如果想找出事实的真相，你得问问那些和你很熟，熟到能完全跟你坦白的人的想法。下面所列出来的是我和一些认识的（并且已经认识很久了的）女孩子的交谈中，她们告诉我的真实想法。

记住，正如题目里所提到的，这是关于女孩子第一次约会时真正关注的（也可能是第二次或则第三次），而不适用于长期相处。尽管其中很多因素在长期相处时仍显得很重要，但是完全是两码事，也就是说第一次某些方面更加重要（比如说，外貌在开始交往的时候要比日后相处时更重要，尽管长相，甚至很多年后，仍很有关系）。

女孩第一次约会注重什么

1、外表

许多女性，在民意调查中，都表示长相并不是那么重要。但是，很多女孩子在和自己的密友聊天时，就承认长相还是很有关系的。就让我们面对这个事实嘛！当你被某人的外表所吸引了，你才会从精神上和情感上喜欢上他。

外表关系到下面会提到的其他方面，因为当人们和他们觉得很有魅力的人来往，潜意识里会忽视那些次要的不好方面而注重次要但是好的方面。这确实是真的，不管你和他们的关系处得好不好。这也就是为什么外表出众的人在与许多人打交道的工作中更能做出成绩（就像销售这一行）。

奇怪的是，外表还有着其他的影响力。当你了解某个人之后，如果你不喜欢他，你会觉得他长得不咋的；或则说，你喜欢他，你就觉得他很迷人。

2、交谈能力

另一件女生会马上注意到的就是你的交谈能力。如果你口才不错，能讲出一大堆有趣的事，她们就会对你感兴趣，并想要和你聊更多，尤其是你能够在她的言语和非言语的交流中很好的掌控你们的谈话。

从另一方面来讲，如果你的话里总是出现“恩恩”的，她就会感到无聊，开始想其他的一些事情。所以，如果你想在第一次约会的时候，给她留下好印象，你得牢牢抓住她的注意力。

3、 整洁

女生几乎会立马注意到的还有你的整洁度。除非约会需要一起做些有体力要求的事，不然你就应该穿戴整齐,而且使自己闻起来不错。其实，即便要做些耗体力的事，你一开始弄得干干净净，总归不会有错的。

你脸上也要整洁，这点也很重要。你应该经常刮刮胡子，修剪头发。换句话说，你脸上不论出现什么发须，看起来要是你故意留在那里的，而不是因为太懒，不愿花时间来打理。

4、注意力

不管是否是第一次约会，这点却是常常使原本很美好的约会泡汤的最常见原因。你和别人约会时，你的注意力就该集中在她们身上。这不仅意味着你不应该老看别人，还指你不能拿出手机来打电话，或则讲工作的事情，等等。

如果在约会的时候，你的注意力开始不集中了，你就得告诉对方那些事情并不重要，尽管事实上并非如此。你这样说了，她们就会习惯起来，觉得真是那样。关于这点，你完全可以相信我。

5、 衣着

女性还会注意到的，尤其是第一次见面，但事实上以后的交往中也会注意的就是你的衣着。你要确保你的服装搭配得体，干净整洁。

而更为重要的就是，你的穿着的档次应该和对方的相符。如果你穿得比她们更正式，或则说更随便，她们会觉得很不自在。

6、有趣

最重要的事情之一，事实上头等重要的是，女生们会记住她们第一次约会有多快乐。如果你已经确定了约会日期，而且安排了些两个人能在一起时做的好玩事情（不用从一个地方赶到另个地方，中间都没什么时间空余的），这也就表明，你觉得她值得你花费精力和时间，为这次的约会做些安排。

这也会让她把你和她脑海中留下的快乐联系起来。只要她一想到那次约会的快乐，她就会想到你。在精神上能把一个人和那些美好的时光和快乐联系起来，对于确定关系是十分宝贵的。

7、她的重要性

以上所提出的所有细节（除第一条以外），整合起来时就体现了她对你的重要性。在你赴约的路上，应该再花些时间和精力来使自己为约会做好充分准备。这样就是在告诉她，她对你很重要，因此你很重视她和她在一起的时间。

对方重要性这一点是通过第一次的约会以及保持日后长久关系的关键所在。这也是维持一段正在经营的感情的重要因素。没有人愿意在自己不被重视时仍投入她们的时间和精力、真心和感情。所以在第一次约会的时候，一定得花心思让她们感到自己被重视，而且为了维持长期交往，在以后的每一次约会中都该如此。

被和自己在一起的人所重视，这种感觉至关重要，不仅对第一次约会，还是维持两人间的感情都很关键，它还对你的身心健康也有着重大作用。

上面所提到的几项，都是在你的掌握之中，而且会影响和你约会的女生感觉自己是否受到重视。出众的外表固然能增加她对你的好感（很愚蠢但就是事实），不过，特别在第一次约会以后，长相的重要性就不及其他一些方面。

有人不同意我提出的那些观点吗？如有不同意见，愿洗耳恭听。难道我所列举的一些事项一点都不重要（注意，这里所提的不是“应该没有关系”，而是事实上就是没有关系），还是我讲的那些确实很重要呢？