托福满分范文的详细解析(2)
日期:2013-09-04 17:07

(单词翻译:单击)

上次欣赏了If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? 如果你可以遇见一位著名的演绎者或者运动员,你想见谁,并且阐述为什么。这篇满分作文的前两段。
紧接着是第三段:
Second, having previously known that Norah Jones has been performing in a pub as teenager, I would like to know more about her opinions on teenager working, both full-time and part-time. As a university student, I'm still struggling between my major and my true calling, which is music. I appreciate her opinions on whether I should follow my music dreams or shall I just keep it a hobby. And if I were to chase my dream, is playing for pubs the best choice? Since Norah Jones has more experience on this topic, a meet with her might very well set my future road towards a steady direction.此段同样第一句话表明考生的第二个理由,即希望和诺拉琼斯讨论是否支持青少年参加全职或兼职工作。此处非常巧妙的是,考生将诺拉琼斯自身的经历和社会热点话题很好的结合在一起,将眼光不仅局限在诺拉琼斯的个人事迹上,而是以自己的眼光来讨论青少年参加工作的话题,并对此进行了有效扩展,但同时不忘与诺拉琼斯这一人物紧紧相关,而不是一味跑题。这个思路非常聪明,使看似个人的理由变得具有深度和思考性。同时以疑问句的方式将与诺拉琼斯面对面的画面铺展开来。从语言组织上,考生再次用到分词做状语的语法点。同时结合了现在进行时表感情色彩,现在完成进行时,whether引导的宾语从句,since 引导的原因状语从句,非限制性定语从句,情态动词,甚至if 引导的虚拟语气等语法现象,达到了了句式多样化的效果。
接下来第三段:
Third, since I personally admire Norah Jones to a great extent, I would like to take her on a trip of my own country, China. China abounds with natural scenery that differs from that of the states, a diversity of architectural styles, different Chinese cuisines, and a host of passionate people. Taking a tour of our wonderful country and its distinct culture may give Norah Jones some inspirations on musical creation. I would be overjoyed if her trip to China would contribute more or less to her next album. If not, I would still feel satisfied, since few people can enjoy a trip with their idol. And what's best, I can practice my oral English with her along the trip! 此段是正文的第三个理由,考生的安排极为精巧,在主题的深度上可以说是层层递进。开始第一个理由看似只是个人音乐知识的探讨,第二个理由就逐步递进到社会问题,而第三个理由则是升华的作用,上升到文化层面。视角由诺纳琼斯的本人转移到考生自己的国家,并举出本国的特色,如菜系,景色,建筑和热情的好客的国民。简短的排比凸显出了自己国家的特色,与其说是谈诺拉琼斯,倒不如说换了角度谈文化特色。但考生并没有一味谈国家特色,而是笔锋一收,接着转回到诺拉身上,为什么作者要谈这个呢?Taking a tour of our wonderful country and its distinct culture may give Norah Jones some inspirations on musical creation. I would be overjoyed if her trip to China would contribute more or less to her next album.这样的文化一定会给诺拉创作灵感,将文化特色融入到自己的专辑里。原来如此,让文化的引入变得有理有据,更加自然。
最后结尾段:
That's why I look forward to meeting Norah Jones, my favorite jazz singer and composer. 结尾段干净收尾,简洁明了,没有过于赘述。
所以这篇满分作文整体最大的亮点,一是选材上新颖独特,同时又是美国本土明星,贴近考官心理。二是思路论点上,从请教音乐——社会问题讨论——文化交流层层递进,步步升华,给人亲切之感,好像的确在跟诺拉进行面对面的交流。
三是语言上,文章中大量运用了排比句,同义词转换,和不同的句式结合。使语言朴实自然,娓娓道来。无论是思路上还是语言上,都值得考生细细揣摩,模仿和学习。

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重点单词
  • appreciatevt. 欣赏,感激,赏识 vt. 领会,充分意识 vi.
  • extentn. 广度,宽度,长度,大小,范围,范围,程度 n. [
  • distinctadj. 独特的,不同的,明显的,清楚的
  • sceneryn. 布景,风景,背景
  • previouslyadv. 先前,在此之前
  • diversityn. 差异,多样性,分集
  • chasen. 追求,狩猎,争取 vt. 追捕,狩猎 vt. 雕刻
  • steadyadj. 稳定的,稳固的,坚定的 v. 使稳固,使稳定,
  • composern. 创作者(尤指乐曲的)
  • athleten. 运动员